The Ultimate Debate: Is Watching Porn Cheating?

Cheating, oh, cheating. It's the age-old plot twist in the romance novel of life, except way less charming and with significantly fewer Fabio-esque heroes.

It's basically breaking the trust cookies you baked with your partner and sneaking out for a forbidden midnight ice cream sundae with someone else. Spoiler alert: the ice cream is probably not worth the brain freeze of guilt (and your partner's potential wrath).

For some people, watching porn is cheating, and they feel heartbroken if they find out their partner watches porn or has watched it while being in the relationship. I know someone very close to me who thinks this way, so I asked her why she feels that way. She explained that for them, marriage is sacred, and it would be a sin for either of them to seek pleasure outside their relationship. I completely understand and respect their point of view. I was fascinated by their “dirty little secret” when they admitted that they make their own tapes in case one of them needs a bit of inspiration while working solo… if you know what I mean.

My question remains, is watching porn just as bad as having sex outside your relationship?

I don't think so, and it's not because I have become desensitized after working in the porn industry for the past few years. I’ve been with my partner for 12 years now, and it turns me on to know she’s enjoying herself with sexy fantasies crafted by professionals. That might seem strange to some people, but I look forward to trying new things one of us sees and is unexpectedly aroused by. The last time that happened, mirrors were involved. Stay open-minded, dear reader.

Let's first start by defining cheating.

Cheating, also known as infidelity, is when a person in a monogamous romantic relationship has an emotional or sexual relationship with someone else without their partner's consent. So, based on this definition, the answer to "Is Watching Porn Cheating?" is no.

When you watch porn, you don't have an emotional attachment to the people you're watching having sex, and you are not having sexual intercourse with them. But the reality here is that the answer to this question will vary depending on who you ask, their values, experiences, personality, etc. Humans are very complicated and unique, so what could work for you and your couple might not work for others.

Because of this, researchers have been interested in investigating how porn affects couples' relationships, and there are contradictory findings:

• Some studies have found that exposure to porn increases the possibility of one-night stands, the number of sexual partners, extramarital flirting, extramarital sex, and divorce for some couples.
• Others have found that it can be positive and improve sexual satisfaction and communication, concluding it is positive for relationship health.

So, dear reader, what this tells us is simple. It is essential you communicate with your partner, set boundaries, and define what cheating means to you. Talk about the things you would not like them to do while being in an intimate relationship with you, and if watching porn is one of those things, let your partner know. This is important because porn has existed for a long time, and it's not going anywhere.

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