Orgasm Control: Denial, Pleasure, and More Intense Climaxes

You Don’t Have to Practice Tantra to Learn to Control an Orgasm

Given how many men struggle with “premature” ejaculations and how many women struggle to cum at all, the idea of adding orgasm denial to one’s partnered, or even solo sex menus seems counterintuitive. And yet, many of the people who have tried it have liked it. They’ve certainly loved its ability to build endurance, control, and intensity of climax.

There are many reasons to explore orgasm denial. Enthusiasts recommend it as a technique useful in learning how to delay ejaculations, raise testosterone levels, extend the length of a sexual encounter with or without copulation, savor the sensation of being on the edge of orgasm without going over, experience more powerful finishes, and maybe even dabble in some Dominant and submissive power play.

One of the best things about orgasm denial is that anyone with genitals and an interest in having them stimulated can participate. It doesn’t matter what your sexual orientation is or what kind of schedule you’re on because denial can last minutes, days, weeks, or even months depending on personal preference. Making orgasm a reward for completing tasks or engaging in sexual acts can extend the playtime and build anticipation.

The first thing to know before engaging on an orgasm denial adventure is that there are four phases in the sexual response cycle. Knowledge is power and the more you know about how the human body works, the easier it is to make it do your bidding.

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Phase One: Excitement: Pulses increase, blood flows to the fun bits, the labia and clitoris swell, vaginal lubrication increases, the penis becomes erect. These are the physical signs of arousal.

Phase Two: Plateau: Everything from Phase One but more of it. It’s the floaty, warm, lose your inhibitions stage that you wish would last forever. Everything is just the right amount of sensitive and plump and ever-increasing yearning for sexual release. This is where the fun begins for orgasm denial. Whether an orgasm will result or not, if the goal is to prolong pleasure, this is where it happens.

Phase Three: Orgasm: Not all male orgasms produce ejaculation, but if they do, it will be during this phase, although a bit of jizz may dribble a bit as things build to their peak. Female orgasms can arrive in several ways, some long and rolling, some abrupt and final, some repeating multiple times.

Phase Four: Resolution: The orgasms are over, and the body moves into a relaxed state of satisfaction and, often, a sense of enhanced emotional intimacy.

Now that this process is understood, there are a few basic styles of orgasm denial that take advantage of the first two or three stages, depending on whether or when a climax is part of the agreement.

Edging: Also known as partial denial, this style allows orgasms, but not for a while. Get yourself, if you’re alone, or your partner if you’re not, right to the edge of cumming and then stop or slow the stimulation before they reach the point of no return. Knowing how our own or our lover’s body reacts to touch, toys, dirty talk, porn, restraints, penetration, and power play will increase the chance of an increase in arousal that can then take away its inspiration without resulting in an orgasm until the time is right. When it’s reward time, you can choose a code word that means “go for it,” a day or time when they’re allowed to get off, a task they must complete before they can earn their release, or simply do a countdown to zero. Gamblers can flip a coin to determine whether they’ve earned the right to cum or roll a die or dice to settle on a length of denial.

Ruined Orgasms: This is not what happens when your mom walks in on you, or your bathroom stall door accidentally opens to a crowd. But, if done correctly, the end result is the same: no fun even if there is cum. When it looks like things are about to resolve themselves quite pleasantly, add discomfort, pain, or a restrictive device that stops or slows orgasm. Make ‘em work for it. This technique is best for people who don’t get off on intense genital tease.

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Complete Denial and Chastity: What has your sexual bottom got on their calendar for the next couple of weeks? Or months? Or longer if they’re a glutton for punishment? Not stimulating or being stimulated to orgasm, that’s for sure. This means absolutely no touching. A cock cage or chastity belt can make sure their word is their bond, especially if you keep the key. For safety’s sake, it’s best to make sure both partners have a key. Just in case. A chastity contract is an option for people who want an extended session and everything in print, so nothing is misunderstood. For those who are concerned, although there is still debate on the subject, there is no definitive evidence that fewer orgasms are dangerous to overall health.

Before and after genital play three important things should happen. The first is to communicate. Explain why orgasm denial sounds enjoyable and what each of you think or know your limits and interests are. Don’t spring orgasm denial on someone out of the blue or before learning their boundaries and triggers. Continue communicating during and afterward to make sure everything goes well and the things that didn’t go well can be dealt with. If fingers are going into or near the pussy, dick, or asshole, make sure the fingernails are smooth and short.

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Once the fun and games are over, remember that for many people “sub drop” is a real thing. Be ready for emotional and physical drops, as well as the possibility of an extended period of distracted euphoria called “subspace.” Keep water nearby to hydrate, something sweet to bring blood sugar up if needed, and a fluffy blanket or stuffy in case the bottom needs comforting or warmth. If you have one another’s contact information, check in the next day or so and make sure everyone still thinks what they did was a good idea and if they’d like to do it again.