Julia Robbie is a Shoplyfter Mylf Who Learns to Keep Her Batteries Charged

When Theft is a Bored Mylf’s Hobby Trouble is Inevitable.

Everybody knows you can’t trust a hot blonde MILF (or Mylf, in this case) wearing a cute striped minidress with a plunging neckline when she insists she’s not a Shoplyfter Mylf. Team Skeet would never put us in a position to be sympathetic (aka want to fuck) toward “The Battery Thief,” yet here we are jacking and jilling off for ever-so-slightly more than an hour to “Case No. 6615416.”

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Julia Robbie sets the mood when she says “This is so dumb” as she’s walked into the security office we remember so well. Less familiar is her immediate confession. Yes, she stole a pack of batteries, here they are, corporations value profits over people, and the security officer is a simp for being faithful to a company that doesn’t know or care that he exists. Then, after some more bickering, she digs herself in deeper when she admits, “I steal all the time, but nobody takes me back into the security office and does this to me.”

A lot of female porn characters are totally entitled and totally illogical, which may explain why Julia repeatedly refuses to provide her name or contact info in spite of Officer Rusty Nails’ threats to call the actual police. Given what a feisty bitch Julia is, it’s hard to imagine she’s being honest when she tells Rusty that he’s the “weirdest person I’ve ever met before.”

When he leaves the room to see what else she’s lied about, she stuffs a few recovered items into her unforgivable tangerine purse. “I get what I want, that’s what I get. I get what I want every single time.” I hope that includes a previous record of shoplifting offenses and Officer Rusty’s girthy dick in her pussy, because, by scene's end, she has both.

Since there are cameras all the hell over the office, Rusty knows to check Julia’s purse and decides to extend the search to her body, both with and without clothing when he returns from his background check. First, it’s a hand pat, then it’s a metal detecting wand that reveals a sadly dead vibrator inserted into a presumably disappointed pussy. Suddenly, the stolen batteries make sense. Julia confirms the connection with another comic exchange of sass and admits it’s been weeks since she’s had an orgasm.

Rusty isn’t sympathetic about Julia’s dying vibrator battery because he thinks the idea of the attractive blonde wandering through the store with the purple toy stimulating her twat as she pilfers goods is disgusting. She thinks it’s “normal,” and reacts with shock when he bends her over the table and starts to finger her, which reveals a lovely waist-to-hip ratio from behind. After some valid complaints and unwise confessions, she still thinks she can control the situation. “Do you want me to play with your ding-a-ling,” she asks.

She proves as inept at sucking cock as she is at talking dirty, which doesn’t mean she realizes either of those things. Rusty does, so another threat to call the cops moves the plot along by showing that the smart-ass MILF can wrap her mouth around his meat to give him what she insists is “The best blowjob you’ve ever had.” Soon they adjourn to the table again, where it’s not his finger that goes deep into her cunt. This inspires a conflict within the shoplifter because the dick is good but it’s not an authorized fuck and she’s sure she’s going to get in trouble with her boyfriend for it.

The angst only increases once Julia’s on her back with Officer Overly Friendly’s man-club buried in her snatch. “You’re really good at this and I’m having a really great time,” she gasps as he moves her from position to position while she holds onto a camera and shoots down on her face and bikini-tanned upper body. “I like it to the moon and back,” she assures the camera before she launches poetically into a rant about his virtues and then shrugs it off with an “It is what it is, ya know?”

After accomplishing her goal of an orgasm, Julia concludes that she doesn’t need the batteries and can head home. Officer Rusty has a different idea. It involves him sitting on a chair with his erection inside of Julia’s twat while she faces away from him and holds the camera until he takes over so she can ride him backward and forward like gym equipment. Then it’s back to the table for missionary and some nasty talk that doesn’t even include nasty words. She’s still conflicted, though, and becomes impatient for him to cum. “You need it so bad,” she coos.

He does need it so bad, which is why he pulls out and spatters her face and chest with glistening baby batter. Then “The Battery Thief” smiles, rubs her face against the spent member, praises him for his skill, and then tells him he’s disgusting. Thus ends “Case No. 6615416,” which leaves us no less confused about petty theft or how Julia Robbie became a Mylf in the first place.

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