The XCritic Interview: Bobby Grey

Bobby Grey is an interesting guy. On a Saturday afternoon at Chicago Exxxotica 2021, I noticed him and a few girls off to side of the main entrance and immediately gravitated towards him. I remember thinking, “I want to find out about whatever kind of mojo he’s got going on.” We talked for a while. I asked if he’d be interested in doing an interview for XCritic and he agreed. We spoke more the next day. A week or so after the convention was over, we scheduled a phone call to finish up the interview. I had bits and pieces of what he was up to, but was really looking forward to filling in the blanks. When the call came in, I was ready to talk.

I answered the phone, “Hey Bobby, what’s up. I’ve got those notes from when we talked at Exxxotica, and we’ll just build off that. I’m gonna hit record now if that’s cool with you.”

Bobby said, “Let’s do it.”  

We talked for right around an hour and a half. I commented to him after our conversation that his was maybe the easiest interview I had ever done, since he basically started talking and didn’t stop. Grey was an open book with me, he didn’t hold back on anything. Bobby’s knowledge of the adult industry, and show business in general, is so extensive that when he told me he'd only been active for about a year and a half, I wasn't sure what to think. He has a firm grasp on everything, above and beyond the names of fellow performers, their agents … of different studios and producers, different styles and directors, Bobby appreciated the craft of acting and the art of cinema.

After our phone call, I understood what Bobby’s deal was, and I liked it.

Grey believes that a sex scene should be much more than sex. According to Bobby, even sex on camera can be a deeply sensual and emotional experience, and if it is, the scene plays better for the viewer. No matter the genre, number of cameras, types of lighting, set design, or script; when the physical act of sex in a scene includes unbridled lust and emotion, Grey feels he has accomplished his goal. Even though Bobby is relatively new to the industry, his love of the craft, mannerisms, and his style are reminiscent of old school performers, many of whom Bobby named as influencers and heroes. Bobby Grey is an interesting guy, here’s part of his story.

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Jim Steele - “I am Bobby Grey". The first thing that I notice when I go on your Twitter is the way that you lead off with all the tweets that "I am Bobby Grey. This is my path. Walk with me." How’d you come up with that?

Bobby Grey - Interesting. Well, first, for the name Grey, especially Bobby Grey, to lead into how I came up with that phrase, it goes back to "50 Shades of Grey", the Christian Grey character, and it also kind of bleeds into my personality.

Bobby -  Even on a personal level, as an artist and as a person, I've always enjoyed kind of being in the shadows and in the background. And I've always known, probably not always acknowledged it, not always pursued it per se, by trying to conform to society's ways at times. But, as I've gotten older, going through my experiences, I've learned that I enjoy being a loner, I enjoy creating my own path like I did in my previous life in the military, and even before the military and, of course, afterwards.

Bobby -  So this now, inviting people into my world, especially, as ironic as it may sound, being a loner in a sense, but still being creative enough and, I guess, having that foresight of being a bit more social, pushing myself out there, in a way, kind of forcing myself to invite people into this part of my life, even though it's not, I guess you could say, the more intimate, the more personal part of me. But it still is intimate when you look at what pornography is, or even the imagery that it creates for people in their minds.

Bobby -  So for me, taking all of that into context, being a loner, being more of a shadowy figure, I've always found that interesting. And I always would find from women that I've dated in my personal life and just people that I talk to in general, they liked that mystique about me, that mysteriousness about me. I realized it would draw people in because it was just different, especially in this time that we live in where everything is so accessible, everything is just easy to get a hold of in 15 seconds.

Bobby takes his time with things. He’s going to be 41 and has about a year and half in the business. Yet, despite his status as a newcomer, Grey has a thourough understanding of acting, and the performing arts, a skill set he strives to build continually. Perhaps, more importantly, Bobby possesses a rich life experience. It’s a natural consequence of growing up in The Bronx, to a long stint in the military, from acting in Hollywood, and then crossing over into Porn Valley.

 Grey is quick to point out that a favourite advertising tactic he uses is the tease. Sure, he’s selling scenes and clips over on his ManyVids, but Bobby doesn’t lead off with the money shot.

As he put it, “I'm inviting people in and I'm just giving them screenshots, I'm giving them clips, I'm giving them bits and pieces. And sometimes I'll tease them and give them a little bit more access into that world of Bobby Grey,” which is an interesting place to be. Bobby’s publicity shots, including his profile pic, are all classy and could be used in any civilian looking resume. Grey acknowledges that the images used hold a mysterious, and sometimes “dark undertone”.

Still, Grey is not a villain, and has little desire to be portrayed as one. Bobby used words like sensuous, emotion, and spiritual throughout our conversation. He wants to be judged on his merit, as opposed to stereotype. As we talked of how a performer should market themselves, Grey told me of challenges that a black performer is presented with, and in doing so, showed the stripes of a true actor, and the mark of an absolute gentleman.

America is far from colour-blind, and the adult industry, perhaps unwittingly, sometimes exacerbates the problem. It’s not necessarily in outright mistreatment of minority performers, instead more so in how blacks are sometimes portrayed to the viewer. It can be stereotypical, prompting Bobby to say that “We've had a black president for eight years, who had a certain stoic image about himself. And I just found it very interesting how, at least in the adult entertainment world, they never really capitalized on that. Most of the images of black guys that you see from the '90s throughout the early 2000s was more of the street thug-type of image.”

He continued, offering some saving grace, and performers who had been inspirational for him reflecting that, “Thankfully, there are guys like Sean Michaels, Lexington Steele, and so forth who, every now and again, would be in films wearing their suits and they would put out that different type of imagery, one that wasn't really expounded upon in the adult entertainment business when it came to the black actors and actresses.”

Jim  - This image that you keep talking about of yourself, I get the feeling that that's, in a lot of ways, really you, that you are a nice gentleman. You got nice ways about you. So, isn't that the way that we should see - and I think you said this - people anyway, black, white, or whatever?  

Bobby -  Oh, yeah, I agree.

Jim -  As opposed to the stereotypical thug if you will.

Bobby -  Right! That's what I wanted to put out there because before I got into adult entertainment, when I got out of the military, I was on the mainstream acting side for about six years. And I kind of went through a bit of that fight, in a sense, where sometimes I would come across people, and sometimes it would happen right on set after I booked the job, and they would try to dress me up into a persona that not only wasn't me, but it was not the character that I thought I was playing. And then, I would have to correct that, in a respectful way of course.  

Bobby - Once they saw what I was getting at, and they realized that also I cared that much, not just about my own image, but I also cared about the story and what they were doing, and helping them to not go down that path of just falling in with a stereotypical conformity... Same thing that I've kind of experienced a little bit in adult entertainment where I would just be talking to people, and they would almost look at me with a deer-in-the-headlights stare because they were immediately trying to put me in the basket of what they thought black male performers were, or what they're supposed to be.

Bobby -  They would look at me and say, "Oh, well, don't you like ‘so and so’" For example, a lot of black male porn stars are doing gang bangs, and they'll do group scenes. And I've done several of those and enjoy them and that's fun and all, but I'm just more of a one-on-one guy. I'm very sensual, I'm very intimate, very romantic, which is what I put on my profile. And that's just more me. I love to engage the woman one on one, to really use that energy, and get the viewers and the fans to be able to see that. I would also look at guys like Erik Everhard and Rocco Siffredi, Alec Metro. I mean, these were people that I grew up watching. But the crazy thing about it was I actually would not just watch it just for the entertainment, and a little gratification, it was like the homework that I wanted to study.

Jim -  So for you, even though it was sex on the screen, which is undeniable part of adult, the process and technique used in filming were equally or more important…

Bobby -  It was like I would watch the interactions between, for example, again, Erik Everhard and a beautiful woman - I think she's long retired - her name was Cassidey. It was made back in 2000. It's called “Tonight". I mean, there's several amazing scenes in there with wonderful people, Devon, Michael J Cox. Anyway, there's a scene where Erik Everhard is with Devon and they're in a bar and the energy and the intimacy is just beautiful. And then suddenly, Cassidey comes and she's watching. Eventually Erik Everhard and Cassidey Rae start performing together in that scene as well. The energy is so attractive because of the look in her eyes, and the sounds, and the touch, and just the care that they have for one another. Not to mention the raw passion. It’s beautiful.

Bobby -  I have always noticed this with certain people. I think it stood out more with the white male porn stars, for me at least. I don't know if it was just maybe how it was shot, because I would just see the quality of how things were shot for the white pornographers versus the black pornographers. And of course, like I said, the connection and the energy, which was exemplified beautifully in scenes by some of the great black male performers of the past, like Johnny Keyes, Ray Victory, and F.M. Bradley. And it was just something about certain people, like I said, like Erik Everhard and Rocco Siffredi and those guys that just really pulled me over to just get engaged into the film, and even Evan Stone. I had mentioned to you on the floor at Exxxotica, when you asked me who some of my heroes are in the business, who inspired me, Evan is one of them. But I also have to mention, greats like Buck Adams, Jesse Adams, and John Dough. All of who were naturals in front of the camera, as if there was no script. It’s just them, and that’s what I love to see, and aspire to be as a performer.

Jim -  You've covered an awful lot of ground right there my friend. But you mentioned doing your homework and that you were watching certain actors and actresses, that you were taking bits and pieces and you're creating this character. But I got to believe, underneath any labels, names, or bits of inspiration you took from others, that this guy, Bobby Grey, is really you. There are certain things you can act and some things that you can't. The way I remember you saying it was, that it's really you, but it's aspects that you've taken from other people. Okay, so this has been done, they got this, he's got this, she's got that, and I like all of it so I'm going to put it all together. Which I think is interesting to listen to you talk about that because a lot of times you'll hear about, when somebody is asked how they came up with their stage name, "Well, I came up with this name on a bet," or “Somebody just thought of it, and it sounded good.” You put a lot of thought into this.

Bobby -  Oh, yeah. And just like you said, a lot of it is me. With the Bobby Grey, like I say, going back to the "50 Shades of Grey", when I looked at that character from that film especially, I saw a lot... I mean, I remember I went to go see the film with my... because I was married twice so my second ex-wife, we had gone to see the film because she'd read the books and so she wanted to see the film. So, I remember the thing that got me about that film was the complexity and basically the untouched darkness, the place where this guy would not allow anybody to go. And that reminded me about myself because of how introverted I was growing up, how shadowy of a figure I kind of was. Even when I tried to be more social throughout my life, I still had that bit of just mysteriousness about me because it was just natural for me to be a loner. So that's where the Grey part came from. And then the Bobby, because I didn't want to use Christian, so I was shopping around different names and I thought of the Kennedy brothers.

Jim -  Oh, yeah. I'm sure they would be honored by that.

Bobby -  {Laughing} As we know, the Kennedy brothers were very sexual gentlemen and they loved women. JFK is the most famous of all the brothers. And Bobby was, I guess you could say, second, but it was always something mysterious. Not mysterious in a bad way, but mysterious about Bobby, so yeah.

Jim -  But even if I said they would be honored by that almost kind of as a joke. But take JFK, he was the kind of guy that could do bad things, but still come off looking okay because he's just that smooth.

Bobby -  I guess that's the other thing that I've gone through in my life is where I would never intentionally try to hurt anybody. I would go on dates, or I'd be dating a woman, whether it be short term or long term, and I could mess up. Maybe I was dating two women at once, or maybe there was a special moment like Valentine's Day, or something or her birthday that I messed up on or forgot about. It was almost like I was forgiven just for who I am.

Jim -  Yeah, I've never had that problem. I don't get forgiven for much.

Bobby -  {Laughing} So yeah, like you said, it's pretty much me. But especially when it comes to this type of art, this type of life, I love to jump into the abyss, so to speak, and just do my homework, whether it's bringing out more of myself, or just giving myself a different name. But it's fun because I get to experiment in a sense. And it's all me.

The image of Bobby Grey is attractive yet humble. Bobby isn’t interested in being the first one you see, or the loudest guy in the room. Instead, his aim is to be the most memorable guy, the one that can’t be forgotten, and the one who, once his eyes connect with yours, you can’t turn away from.

Reflecting on the persona of Bobby Grey, he paused for a moment, and then said, “I want to celebrate success and opportunity. I grew up admiring people like Dr. King, the Kennedy brothers, in a sense, the Malcolm Xs of the world. They represented success and intelligence. The way they dressed and carried themselves. That doesn't mean you can't wear a T-shirt and jeans and not be intelligent, it's just that … I understand the world we live in, and how the human mind works. We tend to label people based off how they look, whether that's right or wrong.”

It isn’t often that a performer speaks so openly about how their near perfect public perception was conjured. In fact, most prefer to keep that a secret. Bobby is a bit different, perhaps because he fully understands the power of image, and how the public will, or won’t, relate to that. For him, it’s a simple formula, and as it happens, is not that far off from who he is ‘in real life’. Summing it up for me, Bobby spoke softly, “There were elements of everyone I had admired and, I guess you could say, I sprinkled those ingredients in a pot creating what became Bobby Grey.”

Jim -  You mentioned art. Thank you for that because I don't think enough people do. I'm going to take ‘art’ and ‘going it alone’ because that's a theme with you. I look at your website and you're independent, you don't have an agent. Meanwhile, looking at your website, you kind of don't need an agent, because you've got an awful lot going on there. The website, I want to talk about that for a minute. And it takes us back to "This is my path. Walk with me." You're creating an awful lot of pathways on there for people to travel with you, and for you to travel with other people from your own - how should I say it - point of control would be a good way to put it. You're not relying on anybody to control you. You're going to take control and you're going to drive this bus.

Bobby -  Yeah. I mean, that's a good way of putting it. And everybody's different, especially when I was in the military, I was in the military for eleven and a half years in the US Army, and I ended up at the rank of Major. Of all the jobs I ever had, it was very interesting because, especially in the military, we rely on each other. I learned that I could work with others, but things were a lot better when I was able to do it on my own. That wasn't so much an egotistical thing like, “Oh, it's gotta be my way.” It was just more of– I saw a certain path. Eventually that's where I was able to put that into, “This is my path, walk with me.” It was like inviting people. Let me just show them my way. And if it's something that they can be onboard with and work with me and we can be a team, then that'll work.

Bobby -  So when it comes into pornography, this form of artistry, I've learned and I've seen that a lot of those successful people... and when I say success, it doesn't necessarily mean how many followers or how much money, it's just more of the people who actually had an idea, they had a goal and they wanted to share - like Tera Patrick - they wanted to share who they were, who they are, and that art, that story, that expression, that love that they have inside of them. I look at Eric Edwards as being a true ‘artist’s artist’. He isn’t pretentious, but instead a very warm and caring individual, he’s someone who is known for working well with scene partners, he’s charming and down to earth. But even more than that, he has this incredible business sense. I’m not sure what it is exactly, but he seems to end up pointing in the right direction on most things. I look at people like that, who wanted to show the world what they were capable of. And a lot of them did it through companies like Vivid and Wicked and so forth. Nowadays, there are a lot of them that are doing it independently through ManyVids, with their own website, stuff like that.

Bobby -  So yeah, so for me, it's been wonderful to have that freedom, as I said earlier, the freedom of opportunity to express yourself. And that's why I like to use the word art and artists more often because that's really what we are. I know a lot of times people will use pornography and pornographers as a scapegoat or as like the bad stepchild of society when we’re doing pretty much the exact same thing that other people, consenting adults, do. We're just more comfortable with it and we acknowledge what we do. There are people that will, every now and again, reach out to me and tell me, "Hey, I love your stuff." And that's heart-warming because sometimes you can forget that it's work, but also an art form. When that happens, it pulls me back into my reality, the reality of being Bobby Grey and loving what I do. Because I enjoy it so much, it’s not even work for me.

Jim -  Sure. When we were talking in Chicago at Exxxotica, you didn’t seem like you were at work, it looked like you were having a lot of fun. Talking about the art form of it and the production, you mentioned porn is often looked down upon. I think that might be easy to do with the final product, the digital download, or the DVD, it's easy for some to look down on that and call it smut, or whatever. But everything that goes into making that takes so much time and effort and artistic expression and capabilities. You mentioned Tera Patrick and the different production companies. Are you looking for a production company to partner with? Or, would you like to have a group of talent that are seen as a certain calibre, that kind of hang out with you, but might go out and work for other production companies?

Bobby -  Yeah, actually, that's a great question. For me, it's more of when it comes to the talent, whether they're new or established, first and foremost is just finding talent that I enjoy working with. That to me is the most important thing because if I can't connect with a female scene partner, if we can't connect naturally off camera then it's just not going to work on camera. You were alluding to that earlier, that some people can act certain things and some people can't. And for me, I don't want to do that. For the most part, I want the majority of what I do to be natural. I want people to fall in love with those people that they see in the scenes, and most importantly, to fall in love with the moment. But you know, we’ll see. If there’s a point down the road where I'm able to gather up a group of great fellow entertainers, performers, and artists and not only collaborate with them, but also do my part to help them go further in their career and work with other performers and studios, that would be great.

Jim - Alright, studios. What’s your take on that? Any favourites you’d like to be involved with?

Bobby -  Of course, I would love to have the opportunity to work with a lot of these great studios out there, whether they're independent or established. And I've done that with a few so far already, like TadPoleXStudios. And I did a scene for Private Society. I've worked with Yummygirl Photo, which is the company under Spike Irons and Sofie Marie, so I've worked with Sofie Marie a couple of times. I’ve been fortunate to work with a lot of good performers and several great studios. Quinn Studios, run by Amy Quinn and her husband, was the most recent one when I was in Exxxotica. I would also love to work with Nubile Films, X-Art, Burning Angel, Brazzers, Reality Kings, and HardWerk Studio …

Jim - HardWerk has this feel that, you can’t describe it except kind of a noir type of cinematic vibe to it, but way hardcore, right? Where are they out of, Europe?

Bobby - Yeah, they’re based in Berlin, it’s a trendsetting group and flows right into the fact that I want to grow, but still want the freedom to work with different performers. But at the same time, whatever help I can provide to others along the way, then that’s what I’m after. Having said that, I don't want to get in their way. And I've seen that happen, like I said, in my previous lives and I've kind of seen that happen in the entertainment business where some people feel, I guess, like they're obligated to someone else, and that’s not good.

Jim -  Yeah, where they somehow owe you something now, because you supported them. I get that. You mentioned TadPole and, of course, Quinn Studios who have really supported you, and we touched briefly on what your future might hold. Talking performers now, who would you be interested in working with?

Bobby -  Yeah, there's a plethora. One of my dream performers to work with would be Adriana Chechik as well as Rocky Emerson. I would have to mention Abella Danger, Honey Gold, Joanna Angel, Lacey Diamond, Lily LaBeau, Hannah Grace … Oh, goodness, Misty Stone would be one of them. There's a beautiful... I think she's Korean American, Christy Love. I spoke with her face to face at Exxxotica and we were planning on working or shooting together on Sunday evening, but we were both just exhausted. She reached out to me and said, "Hey, can we reschedule for another time? Like maybe Miami Exxxotica."

Bobby -  I love partners whose energies are very natural. It's unfiltered. It's not fake. It's not pretentious. And when I watch them, when I watch some of their scenes, there’s just beautiful, untainted energy about them. And I recognize a bit of myself in them. That energy and connection helps to drive a scene and those type of performers help their male counterparts. They pretty much pull that energy out of those guys, they bring it to the forefront, they bring it to the surface. And like I said, it's a beautiful thing to watch. And even recently, I shot with Aria Carson from Foxxx Modeling, and it was the same thing. When we made eye contact, I felt that connection, that energy. And everything just flowed naturally. This weekend I’m working on editing and putting that scene together so I can put it on the site.

Jim -  Yeah, and she just comes across as really, I think, natural and easy-going. I could see that with her.

Bobby -  Oh, yeah. Aria, Abella Danger, those type of women that just have that natural inner beauty as well as outer beauty. There are so many really likeable and beautiful girls I’d like to work with like Katie Morgan, Jamie Jett, Angel Young, Elsa Gene, Aidra Fox … You’ve got Whitney Wright, Jane Wild, and Jeanna Diore from Spiegler Girls. Let’s see, who else… I think of Adira Allure, Emily Willis, Kenzie Taylor, Chloe Kapri, Brooklyn Chase, and Macy Meadows, those girls are over at Motley Models. Another one I'll mention is Alex Coal, she’s with OC Modeling. We crossed paths a few times, but she was busy and then I was running out to do my thing for Exxxotica. We just never really talked. We would just kind of say hi in passing. But she's another one I would love to shoot with. She just has that wonderful, innocent type of vibe and energy about her. And that's what attracts me. More so than the physical things about women, it's just that natural energy about them.

Bobby -  I mentioned Amy Quinn earlier, we had this natural connection back in Chicago and it was a memorable scene. Her husband messaged me, and he was saying, "Dude, that's the best scene we shot at Exxxotica." And I was like, "Wow." So, I'm looking forward to seeing that when it’s edited.

Jim -  That's something that, no matter how you look at it, cannot be faked. But you mentioned something that maybe a lot of people don't think about or don't know is kind of what goes on beforehand. It’s more than just jumping in bed. You meet up, you chat each other up a little bit, and there's either a chemistry or there's not. And if there is, it's obviously going to be a great scene. So yeah, I can see if you develop that or feel that with somebody, you're definitely going to want to pursue that.

Bobby -  Exactly. And one thing that I've learned is that how I am in my personal life, like when I'm dating and it's the type of women that I'm attracted to, how I am when we're communicating, how we are when we engage, when we're interacting. And to me, it's the same thing. And that's why for me, the world of adult content, adult entertainment, pornography, it's not work. To me, it should be natural, it should be how you are in your personal life. It should be just that easy type of a transition, in a sense, to be able to just walk over into this world. And I'm not saying necessarily easy as far as just jumping on set and someone having a camera and just right there. I mean, yeah, there's challenges, but just having that natural beforehand connection, like you were saying, communicating, and seeing that that spark is there, which will make for a great scene.

Bobby -  But then there's that other part of me, which is more of like a lover boy, and not just the physical interaction, but also the mental engagement. I love the opportunity to sit there and just talk to them, to listen to them, to ask them how their day is, how is life going, things like that, just really being interested in who they are. Without that, you’ve got two performers. With that connection, it's like a story within a story. You have these two people who are communicating with one another and probably not even realizing that they're now creating a story with each other, a story that is going to be told on camera to viewers and fans. I think that’s a big part of what makes beautiful scenes, like the one I was talking about with Erik Everhard and Cassidey. It's that connection, that natural connection that really helps to create the story, develop the story during filming and, of course, bringing everything home just before it closes off. And I think that draws certain people to the world of pornography. It's not just the fantasy of sex, but it's more like you're able to see another side of Hollywood, another side of the entertainment business that is giving you this part of the story.

Bobby - You can get the other part where it's just people talking and going through day-to-day motions and whatever type of film or TV show. But when you turn over to the world of pornography, now you're seeing another story. It’s like, “O.k., once they're talking, once they're connecting, once they had a great day or a bad day, show me the other side of that story.” I want to see what their bodies, their eyes, their moans are really saying and telling me, that type of stuff.

Jim -  Yeah. And I always think about point of view, perspective, and the filming techniques. The idea of a film being believable is so popular, and that’s exactly what you're talking about. Viewers want something that that could actually happen, something that would be realistic, and to do that, you must have the real intimacy, the real emotional connection. And so, I think that’s important, and in particular eye contact has always been a big deal.

Bobby -  Oh, yeah.

Jim -  You see that in the POV shoots all day long, and that’s a little bit different. But when you see it in a scene between two people, if you watch it long enough, close enough, I suppose, you can tell if the scene is "real" or being faked or acted. And yeah, they're not as great when you can tell that one or both or more in the scene are not having a good time. It's not as good of a scene. So, I would completely agree with that.

Bobby -  I would say that's another thing that women in my personal life have pointed out about me, that I remind myself to keep and to bring with me into each of the scenes, which is that eye contact because the eyes are the windows to the soul. From my experience so far, and I've only been in the business year and a half, I've had those scene partners where we make eye contact and it's not just me giving, but it's also her giving as well. It's like this beautiful cycle of energy being transferred between us. On the flip side, I've also been around the female scene partners where it's like a barrier, it's like a wall. It's like she does not want to go too deep, or she doesn't want to open up mentally or emotionally. I've had a few female scene partners where they say one of their don'ts is kissing because that's something that's very intimate between them and their significant other. And I respect that. I understand that, again, we all have our dos, our don'ts, and our ways, and our styles.

Bobby - But, having said that, something I look for in female scene partners is “Do they kiss?” I love kissing, and it can add so much to a performance. It’s just another way of allowing yourselves to be open and communicate without even saying a word. As an example, take that eye connection, as you were just talking about, and add in that connection through kissing. I mean, it's just such a powerful, yet simple thing. And it's just a brilliant way of communicating and when you can capture that, it's just beautiful.

Jim - I'm curious. We don't have to go into detail about the two previous marriages or the military, but from those "previous lives", and we all have them, I'm interested to know, for you, what was the push towards adult?

Bobby -  I would have to say it was several different factors. When I was living in the Bronx, I had a buddy who lived around the corner. On Saturdays, he would come over to my place, knocking on the door, asking my mom, "Hey, is he available to come outside and play?" So, one time my mom said, "Yeah, go play with your buddy." Because she knew that we'd either be outside playing, or I'd be over his place playing Nintendo, because that was a thing back then. We went over to his place, and I think both of his parents were at work. I know that kids at home are kind of unheard of today, but back then, as a kid in the '80s... I'm not saying the parents didn't care, but the parents did really have that much of a worry. They'd just throw you outside and see you later that afternoon.

Jim -  Yep, I remember.

Bobby -  Yeah. So, we're at his place, and finally he says, "Hey, do you want to watch a movie?" And I was like, "Yeah, sure, what kind of movie?" And from the way he was describing it, it sounded like a Tarzan movie. So, I was like, "Yeah, yeah, let's watch it." He puts the VHS in, and he's kind of got this, not evil, but this kind of underhanded, playful, sinister type of smirk on his face. And I'm not really paying too much attention, I'm just excited to watch this so-called Tarzan movie.

Bobby -  And the scene opens and it's this white guy in this old school brown hunter's uniform. And there's these beautiful black and white Amazon-looking women in their Amazon getup. And I was kind of like, "Wow! What kind of Tarzan movie is this?" And he just kept giggling and he's like, "Oh, don't worry. You'll see." And as the scene continues, the guy's sitting on the chair and the woman starts sucking him off.

Bobby -  That was my first introduction to sex period. It was this scene, and the woman's jumping on him, and all these other women are jumping on him having sex. And it was fascinating. It was not terrifying, but it was a bit scary because I was just like, "What the fuck is that?"

Bobby -  And I remember I was laying on my stomach, I'm watching this thing taking place. My buddy's off to my left-hand side, about a good maybe five, seven feet away from me. And he's like looking back and forth at the TV, looking at me, had this dumb grin on his face. Then my friend turned the movie off and he's like, "Alright, man, let's just go outside and play." And I couldn't stand up. I was like, "Give me a minute. Let's play some more video games."

Grey’s introduction to porn isn’t far from the norm, although his reaction is what set him apart from civilians and even a great many industry professionals. After he got past the initial sexual gratification of porn videos, Bobby noticed other things. In time, Grey became a student of film. He remembered thinking, “’O.k., this is sneaky, and this is pretty cool, but it's also gratifying.’ The thing is, I would sit there, and I would start paying attention. I was really watching this stuff, and not for acting per se, but just more of just looking for a natural performance.”

Bobby reflects on his upbringing discrediting many societal concerns regarding porn and sex workers. Bobby remembered hearing that “anybody that goes into porn…  they've either been sexually abused, molested, or they've had some sort of horror story growing up in their childhood.” Bobby says that couldn’t have been further from the truth, “I give a lot of credit to my mom. She was a single parent, but she did her best to keep me safe and make sure that I had a decent upbringing. We didn't have much, but she made sure I had that.”

Many have influenced Grey over the years. Jeanna Fine, with her sensual and natural performances, was an actress who made lasting impressions. Bobby explains, “It was women like her, and people like her. Then, in time I came across Rocco Siffredi, Erik Everhard and Sean Michaels, … all those people along with Evan Stone and Steven St. Croix and Tera Patrick. Then, of course, Jenna Haze came out and then Sasha Grey. All of them incredibly beautiful and talented people. It was terrific when I discovered so many great actors.” He found others such as Mercedes Ashley, Nick Manning, Manuel Ferrara, all of them inspiring Grey to follow his dreams.

Bobby - I knew then that I wanted to get into acting. I had dabbled in theatre a little bit in junior high and college but was also active in sports and football. But even after going into the military after college, it (acting) was always in the back of my head. It was that thing of wanting to be an artist, that sense of knowing that there's still more to me than what society has told me. I just wasn't happy.

Jim -  Did you feel like you were holding yourself back all those years?

Bobby -  Yes, exactly.

Jim -  Interesting.

Bobby -  Yeah, I thought that I was doing the "right thing" because the guidebook we are handed by society tells us, "Hey, you go to college, you get married, you have kids, you'll be happy." The first marriage, that's where I have my two sons from, I don’t think anything was wrong with her, or even the second wife, there was nothing wrong with either of us. We just weren't compatible. Both of those women that I was married to, they wanted a traditional marriage life. And I realized that I just was not the right guy for that. I stopped one day and was like, "You know what? Maybe I need to take a step back and kind of get out of the rat race and realize that this particular guidebook that society has given us is not a one size fits all. Maybe I need to go and create my own path, create my own way like a lot of people do." I decided to leave the military; I was going to go into acting. That's when I went to mainstream acting. And in the back of my head, I always had that inkling of wanting to get into adult entertainment. I ended up going to XBIZ 2015 and 2016.

Jim -  Really? So, you went those first times as a fan?

Bobby -  Right.

Jim -  Wow. Okay. Cool.

Bobby -  I met Asa Akira, Joanna Angel, yeah.

Jim -  When did you start? Was it 2019?

Bobby -  Actually, I started January 2020 during AVN week.

Jim -  Okay. So, I imagine that probably, going to XBIZ at that point in your life, it must have lit a hefty fuse and you were just cannonballing down that road, right?

Bobby -  Not exactly …

There is no such thing as an overnight success. Back in 1999, Grey was debating career choices. In his own words, Bobby was, “Either going to stay in college and go military, or maybe get out and go into porn."  He knew he had the goods, and charisma wasn’t a problem. In the fall of that year, a book came out, entitled Pornstar, written by Ian Gittler, and it resonated with Grey. He could see himself within the story.  On a trip back home to see friends and family, 19-year-old Bobby Grey met with a photographer in New York who gave him a run-a-round that Bobby later termed as “bullshit”.  Recalling the event now, he’s able to laugh. But it wasn’t amusing at the time when the New York photographer told him, “If you want to be in adult, unless you bring a girl in, you’re going asked by the male directors for sex.” The problem for Bobby was two-fold: first off, he wasn’t gay; and secondly, he didn’t feel that he ever wanted to be involved with a situation where he owed anybody for a favour.

Most people might have been discouraged, but Grey remained grounded in the resolve to be his own person. This was a time in Bobby’s life when he might not have been sure of himself, where he was heading, or the people he might meet. Yet, Bobby was undeterred, chalking up his meeting with the photographer in New York as being nothing more than the wrong person at the wrong time. After his visits to XBIZ in 2015 and 2016, and after speaking with a variety of performers and studios, Bobby found that his love of film, the way it was shot, and the acting involved had a place in the adult industry.

Older and wiser, he spoke with a gentleman at XBIZ, who gave him the same “entry requirements” as the filmmaker from New York years earlier. However, by this time, Bobby knew it was only a part of the dance. Still, when Grey became serious about entering the biz, he did so carefully. Bobby wanted success, but he wanted it on his terms. In a world where everything seems to be up for grabs, Grey isn’t interested in being a sell-out, of going with the flow, or taking the easy road.

Bobby -  I was talking to this performer at XBIZ and was saying, "Hey, man, your role..." I mean, I was breaking it down for them and one guy looked at me like he was taken back, and he was like, "Wow!” He looked at me and asked, "Are you in the business?" I answered, "Well, I'm on the mainstream side but I'm looking at crossing over and getting into the adult entertainment side because I've just always had a love and respect for this side of the business." Then he says, "Hey, let me introduce you to somebody." We went over to this other fellow, and he was like, "Hey, I think we should maybe consider bringing this guy on board."

Bobby -  I would say that point, that was a critical point because when I look back on it, I'm not upset, I'm thankful because it was almost like I needed that because I realized it was bullshit. And, again, nothing against gay porn, anything like that. If that's somebody's thing and that's what they do, what they love, they enjoy, great.

Jim -  But it's not the requirement.

Bobby -  Exactly. And I've had people tell me that throughout my life like, "Oh, you're not college material." So then, of course, I go to college to shove it in their face. It was like that with a lot of things. As time went on, I was like, "Okay, well, I guess I'll just have to prove that I don't have to do things this or that way, I can do it my way." So, once again, that’s where it goes into ‘This is my path’.

Jim -  I’m guessing that would be the basis for you being independent. You show up and say, “This is why I’m here; this is what I'm doing.”

Bobby -  Yep, that's it.

Jim -  Wow. I don't want to say it's a good story because I'm sure that there was some heartache mixed in there. But it's a very colourful story of how you kind of came to this point. With all that said, in looking back at New York when you were younger, is there any part of you that thinks that there should be - I hesitate to say should be - but a minimum age or kind of a breathing-off period before somebody makes that leap in front of the camera? Because once it's there, it's there– you can't go back from it.

Bobby -  That's a great question because I don't think there's a definite... and the reason I say that's because you have some people who are very mature at 18 or 19, some people are just super intelligent. I mean, hell, you get kids who graduate college at a very young age who are like super geniuses. So, I mean, I would say that when it comes to just... I'll separate it. When it comes to the sex itself, yeah, it should be 18, 19, of that nature from a legal aspect. From a mental aspect it would be hard for me to judge and say, well, this guy or this woman who is 18...

Jim -  Let me put the question a little bit differently because that's probably an unfair question for me to ask you to answer. For you personally, and I think I know the answer, but you're probably happy that you passed on it that first time just because you were so uninformed of what it might involve. If that's not true, then tell me.

Bobby -  No, that's very much true. I was full of energy, and I was ready to go. And if the guy way back then would've said, "Hey, I'm going to have you shoot with Jenna Haze tomorrow," I'd have been there. But because of what was said and because, again, what the Internet was at the time, it was nowhere close to what we have now. So, there was a lot of information that I just did not have access to, especially immediately. I was so much more dependent upon word of mouth.

Jim -  Yeah. And if that's what this guy is telling you, then it must be so.

Bobby -  Right. So, for me, yeah, I'm very thankful that I didn't go forward then. I'm thankful that I waited.

Jim -  We could even qualify that a little bit better that you're thankful you didn't go forward with him or that particular agency. It's just unfortunate that had that experience. Who knows? Twenty years ago, you might've come in and been that much further ahead. It's tough to look back and say you wished you could do it over. I have had similar experiences, where you're happy or sad that you did, or didn't do something, but you can't go back. I think it goes nicely into where you're at now. You're on your path and walk with me. This is my path. It’s nice. Tell me something, and it could be something other than your physical appearance, could be a kink you’re into, it could be anything. What’s one thing that sets you apart as a performer?

Bobby -  I would have to say it would have to be my spirit, the energy. And for anybody that will be reading this, when I say spirit, it doesn't necessarily mean religious, it's just that energy, that inner self. I think that's what makes me stand out. I think that's what attracts people to me is because there's this part of me that is so just genuine. There's nothing processed. There's nothing fabricated. The person that you see in front of you is the person that you see on camera. And I think that's what helps to set me apart, and that's what is going to continue to set me apart.

Bobby -  I remember at Exxxotica, whether it was just the fans coming in and meeting them at the front or walking around or even some of the people that I worked with, that people seemed curious about who I was, and it’s not because I’m famous, Haha. I just remember several times, some of the guys, but more so the women, they'd say, "There's something about you," or they would be like, "You're a very unique man."

Bobby -  And I thought that it was very telling in a way, but also at the same time, it was enlightening because I'm looking around and I see all these beautiful guys, buff and whatever the case may be, and some guys who are either new or guys who have been in the business maybe a bit longer than me, and the fact that these women are, some of them, beelining straight over to me to tell me or to whisper over to me or take a picture with me and tell me that I'm unique. I didn't ask for details so, I mean, it could've been my look, it just could've been my smile, it could've been my eyes. I do remember one young lady, we were talking, and she just stopped to interrupt me and she's like, "I didn't notice before," but she's like, "Your eyes, they have a way of lighting up." And I was like, "Oh, Thank you."

Jim -  I was walking in that afternoon and I had no good reason to gravitate towards you... like you say, the place is full of these beautiful people. There are literally hundreds of interesting people to chat with. Meanwhile, I look over and I see you standing there. You’ve got these pink shorts on, you’re built like a brick shithouse, and there's three girls around you. I was like, "Whatever it is, I want to see what he's up to." Yeah, that's what prompted me to walk over and shake your hand. But you were just interesting. I got a vibe that you were supposed to be there, you were there for a reason. Going a bit deeper, that it was your space. There's not a lot of people that do that from across the room. So yeah, I could feel that.

Bobby -  Oh, thank you very much. I think that that basically sums up what I was saying earlier, like my inner self, because I think there are times when even I forget that. You were talking about that commanding vibe. That was something that, when I was on the mainstream side, people would point that out. Because I was so focused at times on the character and other things that either when we were on break, or if we were finishing up, and I was now getting ready to head home, sometimes people would just pull me to the side and they would mention how I just had this presence.

Jim -  It's commanding, but it's not overbearing. And I think it's important that I point that out because when I was talking with you, and even when you were talking with Evan (Evan Stone), or whoever I saw you talking with, you were not overbearing. You were not in their face. You're just here. And, yeah, that's not a common thing with a lot of people.

Bobby -  Right. And I think, kind of going back into that loner side, that's like that humble part of me where I can have that commanding presence, whether it's the upbringing from my mom or a combination of my mom and the military. But at the same time, it's like I know when to, not so much step back, but I know how to respect other people's space, so I invite them in but it's like I invite them in and I also, in my own way, let them know, “Hey, this is your space as well. We can share this, and we can communicate.”

Jim -  Yeah, that's way cool, man. I think that that really sums up a lot of, “This is my path, walk with me.” Not walk behind me, not walk under me. Walk with me. So, I love that. Let me ask you, is there one question that I did not ask that you wish I would've asked you?

Bobby -  I think there was one question that you didn't ask. I think you asked it during Exxxotica, but I never got you the full answer so, I'll throw it back out there. You asked me about how I got into the industry. I officially started during AVN week, in January of 2020. But the lead up to it was during December of 2019. I was coming out of my second divorce. By this time, I knew what I wanted, and I decided to go get it.  I said, "Okay, you know what? I'm going to go full steam ahead with getting into the adult entertainment business and I'm not going to allow anybody to sway me any which way. I'm not going to allow anybody to distract me. I'm going to go do it. And if I sink or swim, that's on me."

Bobby - I started checking out AVN hashtags and all this other stuff on Twitter, and then I see a post and this guy says, "If you are a fan of porn and if you have ever thought about getting into the business, here's your opportunity." And he kind of went into details and he was like, "Go get your TTS done, make your own way out, travel expenses, all the stuff, and we meet up in Las Vegas and you'll get your opportunity to shoot." He also posted some of the women that were going to be out there. It was an “Ah-ha” moment.

Jim -  So, were you like, “Hurry up and get me a ticket??” I imagine so when you see all these photos and who's going to be there?

Bobby -  Yeah, but a part of me was saying, “Let me double check and make sure this guy's legit, that he's not scamming." I went and I clicked on his links, and I was like, "Oh, shit." He had Melody Cummings, Kendra Heart, and all these beautiful women on there. I was like, "Oh, crap, he’s for real!” When we made contact, I said, "Dude, I'm serious, let's keep in contact and I'll make my way out there." As soon as I landed, he called me and he's like, "Hey, Bobby, are you here?" I’m like, "Yeah, I'm going to go grab my bags and get the rental car.” He was at the Hard Rock Hotel and said, "No, no, no. Do me a favour. Skip the rental car for now and just take the Uber, come on over. We're getting ready to shoot. I need you right now!"

Jim -  Wow.

Bobby -  So I get over there, I get to the Hard Rock. And I mean, it was amazing. It was just so many porn stars. I was walking around saying, "Holy shit." And I remember calling him, we met up, and we get into the elevator, and on the way up he says, "Oh, man, Bobby, thank you. Thank you." He was like, "You were one of six guys that said that you were going to be here." And he said, "You're the only one that showed up." I was like, "What?" He said, "I don't mean to put any pressure on you, but this is all on you."

Jim -  I don't mean to put any pressure on you, but it's all on... Haha, you’re like, “Thanks for not putting pressure on me.”

Bobby -  Yeah, I know, right? We get upstairs, and who do I do my first scene with? Kendra Heart.

Jim -  Stop it. Wow.

Bobby -  I was just blown away. I mean, she was professional, super sweet. And I was nervous, and she knew I was nervous. He ended up throwing another guy in with us to make it a threesome group thing. And yeah, Kendra was super sweet, and took her time with me. We had a great time, a great scene. And at the very end, the guy was like, "Dude, thank you so much." And that was Tad from TadPoleXStudios, which was the first production company that I shot for.

Jim -  Well, I was going to ask you if you were to drop his name, but then you save it for the very end and you drop it in there so that's perfect. I've known Tad online for a while, but I was so happy to meet with him in person.

Bobby -  Yeah, it was a lot of fun. During the time that I've been in so far, I've had other great memories while shooting with beautiful porn starlets. I'll name a few such as; Aria Carson, who is an absolute gem and easy to connect with. Sofie Marie, a lovely physique and hypnotic aura about her. Ciren Verde, incredible spirit, big heart and a high sex drive. Amy Quinn, a fiery and sexy little nymph, who truly makes a wonderful scene partner. Sarah - The Arabic Slave Girl, has this fascinating energy within her eyes. It draws you in, and once she gets those soft and sensual lips on you, it's all over with … {Bobby laughing}. Someone I haven't worked with yet, but I need to mention, is Lacey Diamond from Australia.  The reason for that, is when you come across a similar spirit, and interact with them, even from a great distance, you just know that something truly beautiful (and memorable) can be created, when the times comes. Plus, Lacey Diamond is another person who greatly inspired me to forge ahead and pursue my path of becoming an adult entertainer. But … I'll save that story for another day.

Jim -  That's an awesome way to close it out, and I’d love to hear that story about Lacey. I’ll tell ya Bobby, I hope to see many more scenes and talk more with you. But for now, let’s go over your contact and links. Of course, you’re at www.BobbyGreyXXX.com, and you’ve got a cool ManyVids. Of course, you’re on Twitter, and then also a FetLife profile, which I didn't get too much into that today but that's okay. There's an awful lot to cover there and maybe we can next time. You’ll be at Miami Exxxotica coming up in September, and in New Jersey in October, so that’ll be fun, and I hope you make some great new connections at those, and any other appearances you have. For bookings, we can reach you at [email protected]. And with that, I really appreciate your time and thank you so much for talking with me.

Bobby -  Definitely. I appreciate it very much. And thank you for the time as well.

Links to Bobby Grey

Twitter- @BobbyGreyXXX

ManyVids- BobbyGreyXXX

Website- https://bobbygreyxxx.com/

Follow Jim Steele on Twitter @TheJimSteele

Thanks as always to the Internet Adult Film Database (IAFD) for being a terrific resource.

Please Follow them on Twitter @IAFDCOM

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