Is Orgy Play Right For You?

It sounds so hot: Bodies up against bodies, the mingling of arms and legs together, getting lost in the sensations, the sights, the noises. And yes, orgies can be incredibly sexy! But there are some things one should consider before running out to their local swinger or sex club and jumping genitals first into a puppy pile of people. Below, we share some of these considerations, both for you and for your partnership (should you be in one).

Is Connection Important?

For many in the non-monogamous lifestyle, connection with others is a huge draw. They like to get to know the people they will eventually be having sex with, to understand what makes them tick and if they are a good chemistry match. For others, that connection is irrelevant: It really is about the carnal act of sex, and little else. If you fall into the former category, orgies will likely not be your cup of tea. For us personally, we avoid orgies like the plague. Not because the idea isn’t incredibly hot, because it absolutely is. We simply need that feeling out period to see if we’re sexually interested in others.

What you often find in the lifestyle is that one partner falls into the “needing connection” category while the other falls into the “random sex sounds amazing” category. And while that’s ok if you negotiate it and come to an understanding of how you will navigate this difference in desires, it makes attending an orgy with your partner very difficult. Ensure that you and your partner are 100% on the same page before deciding to hit up that hotel orgy this weekend.

Do You Have Performance Issues When Nervous?

This is a big consideration for the fellas: When you feel overwhelmed or anxious, do you experience performance issues? While such things can of course be overcome, it’s something that should be thought of before heading into the throws of orgy passion. If you plan to have sex all night long with multiple people, only to get overwhelmed and not be able to get it up, the evening can quickly feel like a loss.

As with anything in the lifestyle, performance issues are all about preparedness. If you know you are prone to such things, consider seeking out an ED prescription from a licensed physician (thankfully, there are dozens of reputable companies that can now do this from the comfort of your own home). Look into the specifics of the orgy ahead of time, and determine if there is a space you can escape to should you need a few minutes to gather your thoughts and calm down. And if you’re attending with a partner, have a code word should you need a little extra assistance during a play session. After all, shouting out, “Hey honey, come blow me so I can get hard,” to your partner across a crowded room can be a bit embarrassing….

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Will You Get Jealous?

At its core, the idea of an orgy is to allow things to flow naturally and do what feels good in the moment. While it’s a pretty beautiful concept, it can also be scary as hell, especially when experiencing it with a partner. Because it is much more difficult to stop all action or reconfigure the play dynamic during an orgy than, say, a swap with another couple, it is also easier for one partner to get those pangs of jealousy and feel as though they can’t do anything to fix it.

It is essential that all rules and boundaries are discussed in great detail before heading into an orgy, especially if one or both partners are prone to feelings of jealousy. There is nothing worse than having this amazing evening, full of sexual energy, only to return home with a saddened or pissed off partner. This is one of the reasons we don’t recommend orgies to new couples: It is almost impossible to really know what your boundaries are until you experience something that oversteps said boundaries. In an orgy, there are hundreds of ways those boundaries can be put to the test. So in that way, going to an orgy as a brand new couple to the lifestyle is a lot like learning how to swim in the middle of an ocean during a storm. Starting slow and leading up to an orgy, should that be something you are both interested in, makes a lot more sense.

Ok, So You Still Want To Go…..

You’ve set your rules, you’ve discussed the positives and potential pitfalls, and you are both (or all) ready to head to that orgy next weekend! Great! But there are still some plans that should be made ahead of time! For instance, protection! A tip from seasoned lifestylers: NEVER rely on a venue or event host to provide the condoms. If they do at all, they are usually very cheap ones. Plan to bring a small bag with you that includes some of your favorite condoms that are specifically meant for your size (nobody appreciates a loose condom coming off during play).

Another thing to plan for: Drinking beforehand! We talk about this so often, and so many lifestylers fail to consider this before a sexy event like an orgy. Don’t get drunk! First of all, you can’t provide or receive proper consent if you’re three sheets to the wind. Also, it’s not sexy. If I personally can tell someone is drunk, hear the slurring, see the stumbles, there is no way in hell I will be getting naked with them. And of course, for you guys, it’s important to remember that the more you drink, the more likely you are to experience performance issues. So have that cocktail to loosen up, then hydrate with a big glass of ice water! Hopefully you’ll be so active that evening you’ll need the extra h2o..... And above all else, have fun!

If you haven’t already checked out our sexy swinger and hotwife podcast and blog, Front Porch Swingers, head on over to https://frontporchswingers.com today! We love to share our real-life non-monogamous adventures, as well as thoughts on how best to navigate the lifestyle!