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The XCritic Interview: London River


London River, part two. Since we last got to showcase this stunning adult entertainer, she has gone on to add even more big titles to her filmography. Miss River continues to set the business ablaze with not only that sculpted body of hers, that we spoke about in detail in chapter one of this two-part article but also with her ability to take advantage of acting roles and character slots like no other MILF performer has so far in 2019. Hard work is not a stranger to this industry beauty but what she is doing with that work ethic is nothing short of unique and one of a kind. Fetish was what she was known for in the past and it is still something that makes London River the sought-after performer that she is. The fact that she can bring that type of aggression into the more “glamour-only” side of the industry has inspired a lot of companies to truly take London to the limits and that is what we are going to touch on most in part two. The side that shows another side of female beauty, one that perhaps gets overlooked over the past eras in porn but not in modern times. It is why this London River may truly be born to be in this business.

London River 

Don Juan DeMarko: Well, at least I know why we are here at eight in the morning having fun. (London had just told me about how working on a farm gave her this work ethic that has never left her since she was a kid.) This is late in the AM for you isn’t it?


London River: As an adult, I am glad I learned when I was young that animals, they have a life that demands attention on a farm and every day during that life they get up early.


Don Juan DeMarko: People do not understand that there is so much to doing that job and making it a part of your life. That is really fucking cool London. It is why I will always have the respect for the people who have done that in life because it is a thankless job, but it is also the job that everyone thinks that they could do with there eyes closed. Now I want to ask you nothing but farmer's questions.


London River: Hmmmmm I don’t know about that Don, people might get bored.


Don Juan DeMarko: I would be so down to turn this into an agricultural interview.


London River: I think we could talk about the difference between Hereford cattle and Braford cattle. I think that is something that fans may find interesting. No, no, we can not go there.

London River 

Don Juan DeMarko: I love it! Yes, can we please go there. Now, the other thing I was going to tell you was that you are also speaking to a guy who has gone into Lincoln and watched a Corn Huskers game. Nebraska is so underrated beyond anyone’s belief who has never been there.


London River: Lincoln is amazing. I went UNL, so Lincoln as a college town is awesome! I still kind of, well, not so much in the winter but in the summer, I like Lincoln probably better than LA because it is far easier to get around, no matter where you are going, and people are a lot more friendly. You have the kindness factor that is just so huge for me. Everything within that town is far cheaper. So, if you want to go party, well, let me just say this Don, Corn Huskers can party.


Don Juan DeMarko: Yes, they can. That is one of the craziest damn college towns I have ever seen. Going to that football game, it was one of the craziest fucking tail-gate sessions I have ever seen and I have been all across this country tailgating. I think every person has that stereotype that keeps them from enjoying some cool fucking shit by thinking, “Oh, what is the best I am going to get to see from a bunch of farmers and ranchers partying?”


London River: Well, even when their team is not doing well people show up and I am talking the stadium is filled and there are no places to park. I think that they have more consecutive sell-outs then any other team in college football today. Another sport that people never get to see on display, but Nebraska simply dominates at is volleyball as well. They have one of the longest streaks of winning seasons in sports history if I am not mistaken. I also remember reading an article about how the volleyball facility is one of the best designed and maintained in all the country. I think they have a lot of the national tournaments there due to how well Nebraska in many areas of volleyball and upkeep. The thing that sticks out in my mind is many years of repeat national championships as well.


Don Juan DeMarko: I am thoroughly impressed. You know your shit madam. I was once upon a time, in a distant universe, at least so it seems all these years later a college athlete and one of my favorite subjects are collegiate dynasties. Their bowling team at the University of Nebraska is the greatest college sports dynasty of all time. More titles than anyone else. They have produced more professional bowlers then anyone else. I think that is fucking cool as hell.


London River: I dated a girl on the bowling team! Yes, I love that you know that Don. That is so cool. You know, an insider’s view into all this Don, they have some of the most academically inclined athletes in the world. I think that gets overlooked a lot, especially in today’s world. What does that say about a school that has players go on from college to do such great things in the next part of their life with a degree? It is true excellence.


Don Juan DeMarko: OK, macho asshole confession here. So, a friend of mine a few years ago, she actually goes to a school here in Colorado, I wish I could say were, but she is retired from the business. We were driving with her boyfriend and my girl through Lincoln and she tells us, “Hey guys, I want you to meet one of my best friends, well, she is a fuck buddy too and she is on the Nebraska Lady Huskers bowling team.” We had nothing better to do, so we say OK. In the back of mind, I am secretly saying, “OK, how hot can she be?” Then the door opens and holy shit, I was blown away and on top of being this stunning beauty, she is cool as shit to talk with. I did get my comeuppance and she busted my balls all night long. I said to myself, I should have been a collegiate bowler.

London River 

London River: That is the thing about Nebraska, so many beautiful, tall women there. Every time I go there and Minnesota, well, I should say the Midwest, they all have these amazing big women and I think it comes from all these years of all these pure generations of farming and farmers. I think that also creates this type of natural athleticism within all the people who live in such places. It is amazing. We are not skinny. You do not find a lot of skinny, “dainty” women there. They are all places inhabited by tall athletic women. If that is your thing as a fan, I encourage you to visit the Midwest.


Don Juan DeMarko: The best thing about all of this, was that I was looking at this Nebraska collegiate bowler, on scholarship and she was so gorgeous. So were all the friends that she brought with her, her fellow Lady Cornhusker bowlers, it was the coolest thing on the planet and who would have ever “thunk” it? 


London River: If you are bowling and I think most people overlook this when going out bowling. After you are done playing that second or third game, you are felling it in your arms. You see how much of an actual workout that it is. You will be saying to yourself, “wow, that is actually starting to hurt.” (We both share a laugh.)


Don Juan DeMarko: I love it. So much now makes sense as to your wonderful personality that I hear so much about. While I was checking out all your behind the scenes interviews, I was simply dying to know where it all came from and it is so obvious now. It is always nice to meet could people who can appreciate the simple things in life, that really are not that simple if that makes any sense. To get back to the acting and film side of this last year, I was going to ask you about the directors that you have worked with. Jackie St. James, Mason, Mike Quasar. That is very impressive for the jump you had in 2018, especially now that I know you came from where you came from. So, I must ask, what was your favorite and who was your favorite director to work for?


London River: Oh my gosh, now I think that is totally an unfair question Don. It is not an easy question to answer at all and I do not know if I can even answer it. When a person gets asked that question, so much goes through their head I can imagine, just like it is going through mine right now. I am seeing the ones I loved working for, and I am seeing the ones that I did not enjoy working for. (We share another monstrous laugh.)


Don Juan DeMarko: I am putting you on the spot.


London River: I know, it is so horrible! As far as favorite directors go, I think you must measure that by how well you get along with people and I have gotten along with so many amazing people this last year that I got to work with for the first time. I think that Quasar is probably the funniest person that I have ever been on set with, EVER! Jacky St. James is like a ray of sunshine, I think I have said this before, she is like one massive hug. That is the only way that I can describe Jacky. She is filled with rainbows, that is an even better analogy.

London River 

Don Juan DeMarko: You know, I think that outgoing spirit of hers, that is what makes her such a great actor. I am always looking for her to make a cameo in her films. She is that damn good. First time I had a chance just to message her, I thought I was going to get this snarling, intimidating woman who is going to school my ass seven ways from sideways if I do not know the score and what I saw was this down to earth amazing woman, who honestly loves what she does so much.


London River: Yes, everything about her is so cute. From her charming personality to the way she dresses. She is just so nice. So, I do not know if I have a favorite director, because honestly, it is all about what they are shooting and the way they create for whatever project you are lucky enough to work on them with is just that, work. When I worked with Mason, she is a completely different person and has a totally different style than a lot of people within the industry. She is so precise, and she knows exactly what she wants, and everything is going to come out perfect. That can be a little bit stressful and every time that I work for her, I feel that I come out a better performer each and every time. She helped me to see so many things that I was not conscious of before. Now, to narrow down my favorite scene, the man behind that is Chris Streams and Evil Angel. He has been my favorite on more than a few occasions. What I love about working with Chris on his films is that whenever we get to shoot, I basically get to do whatever the hell that I want. My common phrase on set has been, “yes, shove a fist in my asshole! Please!” (We bust out in a thunderous laugh, London is a woman so confident in all she says, she makes for such a mellow mood with her calm persona with this take no prisoners confidence and honesty.) He is always being the director chiming in saying, “no, you guys can not do that.”


Don Juan DeMarko: I can so picture you saying in your head as this is happening, “Oh, come on damn it, why not?”


London River: We have a lot of fun. I think that Chris and Manuel Ferarra as well, the first time I had worked with him. Chris Streams was doing the video, Manuel was the talent and he was directing the scene for Jules Jordan. It was one of the most exhilarating experiences. Because we said to ourselves, we are just going to do whatever we want and getting to work with a performer who is going to make sure that you can open up, and get your brains fucked out of your head that day. It is something that Chris Streams does every time. He puts me in a scene with that type of person who always caters to me. He puts me with a person who is going to fuck me until I cannot think, and they will know where they are and where the camera is when I do not from being fucked so hard. I think that is what makes our work turn out as well as it does. So, maybe I can say that it is that rough style gonzo shoot, planned out to perfection that really does it for me. No matter what it has been with Chris Streams, the Analized, or the Evil Angel stuff we have done together it has turned out awesome. Chris is just a person that I mesh so well with in that way.


Don Juan DeMarko: That is pretty cool. Once again, I will tell you, being a guy who has always loved both sides of this business the acting and the sexual performance. It is cool to hear the story of the passionate part of a scene. I mean, you are one hell of an actor London. You can bring the audience into a scene without taking off a shred of clothing. You have been paired with great actors in this business and now to know how much you really get from the sexual side, the performance, that was summed up better than any other performer I have interviewed because now I know why they air you up with the great sexual performers as well. You threw one out of left field on me and I love it; by saying you are so passionate about the gonzo style aggression and not the acting.

London River 

London River: Well, the acting stuff is fun, it is difficult for me at times. I like improv, I really do. I have done improv just for fun and it is something that has always grown on me. So, the improvised scenes, the production team will say, “OK, so you are going to play this character, or this character and you are going to start this way and it is going to lead to fucking and try and do things for ten minutes that will lead up to the sex in a good way.” That, I actually find pretty easy. I love that. In my head, it is just like ten minutes of conversation with this hot guy or gal that leads to sex. So, when I am handed a script, I kind of freak out. I went through college, I went through high school and I have always been a good student, but I am not the best at that one thing. Even when I write, I have to say things out loud so that I can see it in my head and then I can transcribe things. It can get difficult because I will be honest and say I am not the best reader in the world, I have some dyslexia. So, when someone hands me a script, especially in the same day, I end up reading the same lines over and over so I can comprehend the words and that does put on a significant amount of stress on my shoulders as an actor. I am always a little freaked out, so, it is probably why I do not list the “acting” side of things as my favorite. Usually, if I get a script the day before, I will make a roommate read a part to me out loud and then once I hear it, I can kind of see it better.


Don Juan DeMarko: You know darlin’ for you to have said what you have in those last two questions, that you are not the keenest when it comes to camera awareness during intense scenes and dialogue I would have never thought that because you are absolutely amazing at both. Thoroughly impressive that you say that those are the things that you are not good at. For, in my opinion, I think that those are the things that you are the best at. From the work that I have seen of yours that is the spellbinding fantasy, the story. They always seem to pair you with girls who know how to tell a story with character. That is not the easiest thing to do, even when it comes to casting. I think the thing that sells anything in this industry is the set-up to the sexual encounter. If you can do that, you are money in the bank in this business. It truly makes sense as to why so many fans are downloading your content. It is unbelievable that you are not even trying, and you are killing it!


London River: No, I try really hard at that part of the business. I mean that Don, that is something that I try really, really hard at to make good. I think I will always feel that I am not very good at it.


Don Juan DeMarko: I should truly rephrase that last statement of mine. I should have said, you are ten times better then you believe yourself to be. You have talent madam, I kid you not.


London River: Thank you.


Don Juan DeMarko: I think this is the perfect time that we move into my favorite types of questioning and insight. We have spoken about where you came from, we looked at a little bit of your background in and outside of the industry. My first true question is, how much are you truly like the performer? I ask this because so many people in this business have so many different personalities, we know it inside of the business, but no one seems to understand that outside of the industry. Fans especially at times. Is London River the person who during her downtime at AVN is at a bondage party, having fun, or are you like me, nothing like your alter ego and reading books up in your hotel room during the downtime at AVN? (We share a little laugh.)


London River: Well, you know I always like to go to a bondage party and cut loose but I like to dance. So, the thing that I always love to do when AVN comes around is attending events like the White Party, most people that I see attending The White Party I just see sitting there. They are just looking for the next party. For me, the party is wherever there is music. So, I just put on something white and we are ready to go. Free dance music, hell yeah. That is how my night usually goes. This is me during the last AVN White Party Don, this is a true story. I am getting so caught up in the music, I am just dancing and dancing and dancing. A friend of mine, she comes and grabs me from behind and tells me, “hey, no one from the industry is left, we need to go.” Here I was just dancing with civilians left and right. Dancing, dancing, dancing Don, that is me. I told her, “I don’t care, they are playing music, so I am going to keep on dancing.” So, dancing. That is probably what you can find me doing when it comes to AVN, award shows, conventions, and after parties. I will say this Don, to answer your question more directly, this is me. Who you are interviewing is me. This is all me, so how we are engaging right now, that is me in a normal conversation as well.


Don Juan DeMarko: That is cool. I dig it. I think most people would not get that there are two sides to most people in the business but there are some rare flowers like you are exactly who they are on screen or in an interview. There are certain times during industry events where you truly get to see the personalities of so many. I have met some amazing people at private gigs and sometimes, things get a little outrageous and you get to see a human side that I think is the best side of so many in the industry.


London River: There have been a few times where someone tells me, “you have to go to this private party, or this industry get together because it is this great networking opportunity and that is when I start to lose my mind. I am like, “oh shit!” I am going to say, or do something too outrageous because I am a weird person. I have that side to my personality to where I am going to say certain things out loud to a lot of people and I will tell this person asking me to attend this event, “I don’t know how impressed people are going to be with me when it comes to networking when I am, when saying the things I just say to all people, no matter what. Especially when I am under the influence of alcohol.


Don Juan DeMarko: Oh, my goodness, I just want to hang out with you more and more, every single second of this interview. You know, the thing that most people never take into account is the value of weirdness. That is something that I think attracts most people to one another. I know it has been something strong within every relationship I have been in both inside and outside the industry. I think that is such a rare combination with you. All cheesiness aside, the fact that you were a teacher, you grew up where you did, finding what is inside of a person and everyone has that weird side within, those weird little worlds. Those are the most beautiful things about human beings in my opinion.


London River: Well, when I was teaching, I was teaching children, so a high energy level was a very good thing at that level. It was almost like I became more physical because of how much that changed my personality when that is what I was doing for a living. Now, I move around a lot when I talk, it weirds people out, but I think. Some people will look at me, sometimes even the people who get to know me and they see this woman who is just flailing all around everywhere. That was my job, it was so important that I was flailing around everywhere constantly. That is exactly what you must do in order to capture the attention of eight-year-olds.


Don Juan DeMarko: That is so cool. You are talking to a guy who comes from a family full of teachers. Kudos on that, because it is not an easy job, especially with that age group. You must be a passionate person yourself to do that or it will burn you out in a flash from so much in life. You know, one of my favorite little niches of the business, if you even want to call it that, is that the ladies of this wonderful industry, they are usually one of two things. People who work in healthcare, or are teachers of some sorts because they are so passionate about other human beings. That is a wonderful thing. That is one of the most splendid secrets about our business, or maybe a piece of forgotten knowledge that finds and especially critics of the industry need to be reminded about time to time.


London River: Or, the third that you are forgetting. They do something with animal rescue.

London River 

Don Juan DeMarko: You just made me think of one of the most beautiful human beings on the planet. Her name is Akira Shell, she is a performer like you. She has done that exact thing. I cannot say when or where, but she basically followed her heart and rescued animals for a little over a year. She even has a tattoo of her buddy Elvis, this cute little sloth who became her companion over in another country.


London River: That is so cool. Did she work in the one that is in the big city on that island?


Don Juan DeMarko: One of the most charming things about this beauty is that she met this sloth and she is such an animal person; this little cutie pie becomes so attached to her that every day he is longing to be around her and hug her, and sloths are never like that. They are slow and cute but usually not the most people-friendly animals. The way that she tells that story always wows me. You made me think of her when you said animal rescue. That so rocks!


London River: I dated a woman who worked for a primate rehabilitation in Costa Rica. It was this big place that rehabilitated wild monkeys. They would see a lot of the little squirrel monkeys that would get hit by cars or would get attacked by dogs or other animals, or even getting caught in power lines. It was literally a place where they would rehab them back into the wild, unfortunately for her monkeys are very aggressive and she had scars from her time interacting and caring for them.


Don Juan DeMarko: Oh no! (I have a little stutter to my laugh because that type of story, it is a loving story that only animal nuts see and feel the humor within.)  Those are scars, where I bet she loved every second of getting them when you have that much passion, awwwwwwww.


London River: Yes, because you must have that love within you to do such things. Many people do not understand that except an animal lover. Because in order to just do simple things like treat them for a wound, you must restrain them and that is not easy at all when it is something you love. Then, once the monkeys fully come back from this rehabilitation, or, I should say as they gain their strength back to one hundred percent, they start attacking people within the animal rescue, because they are monkeys and they want to go home too. She received her fair amount of animal bites.


Don Juan DeMarko: To get cheesy on you to close this interview, well, I have been getting cheesy the whole interview, so a few more seconds won’t be too bad. I had a very close friend in the business, who is also a performer tell something I will never forget. She said, “the women of this industry, the performers, they are angels. They are people who do talk to animals.” I think that is no bullshit. There was someone very special who I use to be within the industry and I took her to meet my cousins and they have this little ankle biter of a chihuahua for a pet and a big, mean pit-bull, boxer mix. Both dogs were orphans found on the street and when they meet you, it takes time for them to warm up to you, they will snap at you. They snapped at me and I consider myself an animal person. When they met this love of my life, the dogs all warmed up to her in six seconds and the chihuahua even sat in her lap. That dog had never done that before and has never done that since. In my opinion, that is the beauty of the people of this industry. You all are angels beyond words that no one will ever know. I truly believe that is something deep and beyond our knowledge as human beings like that of what makes someone special. The warmth and love in this business, it also goes beyond what even fans understand about this business and the people in it.

London River 

London River: I do not know anyone in this industry who is not an animal person. Everyone that I know has a rescue animal of some sorts. Or, a story like we both just told of people that we were with, especially the girls in the industry. I think that the guys may be a little bit less. I know Kate Kennedy, she has this sweet little disabled dog that only has three legs and one of her remaining legs is deformed, it is like a birth issue. One of my dogs came from Costa Rica. She had been in a few fights on the street, that is what the vet told me. So, when picked her up there was so much love for us to discover with one another. If you follow my twitter, there is a picture of a little brown dog that I post from time to time and yes, when we met, she bit the shit out of me, because I literally picked her up off the street. Costa Rican people, they are not always friendly with street dogs and they would do things like throw rocks at them to keep them away. She had had a lot of bad interactions with people and she was injured. I ended up bringing her to the vet. I do not know what happened, all I know is that I brought her home and she is mine now. At the end of the day, that is all that matters. No matter what pain we go through to discover love, it is something that becomes the only focus when you give it a chance.


…………. I could not say it any better. London River, she truly ended up being an interview for the ages and I did not expect it to be. London, if you get a chance to watch her work, you will be mesmerized by what she does in front of the camera. Take for example her scene in Lesbian Stepmother 5, you get to see this soft, sensual erotic performance that truly is passion showcased in a soft but sexy girl/girl scene. Most fans make the mistake of not seeing the softness and beauty lies within London’s heart. That is my true believe after getting to pick this beauties brain for over an hour. She is a true bastion for showing the world a side of this business and the performers within it that I am sad to say, they may never know. London showcases what it truly takes the most of to be in this business and be successful. It is not the biggest boobs or the most aggressive sex drive, it is the ability to be yourself and let your heart be what guides you. That is what performers in this business have the most of and forever will because it takes a heart to chase your dreams and be passionate about what you do, no matter if you sit behind a desk for a living, or you have sex in front of a camera.

Don Juan DeMarko 

Follow London and all her adventures here:

Twitter: @LondonCRiver

OnlyFans: OnlyFans/londoncriver

Instagram: londonriverx


Special Thanks to Evil Angel and LeWood.com for the ravishing stills from the 2018 Film: MILFs Suck! #3

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