XCritic Interview: Eitan Levine

In the world of adult films, there are certain things that usually don’t happen by accident. One of those things is typically writing a porn parody that is nominated for an AVN Award—but that doesn’t mean that such unlikely things don’t happen. 

One of the biggest hits on Broadway in recent years was Hamilton, a show that takes a look at the life and times of Founding Father Alexander Hamilton. Eitan Levine, a then-writer for Elite Daily, wrote a spoof porn movie called Hamiltoe as a joke.

Somehow, it ended up being a real movie. And, it has been nominated for awards from the illustrious AVNs! My friend, Ben Kharakh, was kind enough to link us up. Here’s what Eitan had to say about writing a hit porn movie. 

Prior to writing AVN Award-nominated porn, what else did you do? 

I've always been this weird hybrid of comedian and journalist. Hamiltoe came to be because Elite Daily was shooting a documentary series on me where I did three jobs. The other two jobs had me joining the paparazzi and Ringling Brothers circus, so writing a porn seemed like the logical next step in the trilogy, haha. 

I've had a bunch of other weird entertainment jobs. Like, I was once the head writer for the first English talk show distributed for mainland China. It was called Hollywood Says, and I assume that name translates to something smoother in Chinese... I don't speak any Chinese.

How did you come up with the idea for Hamiltoe?

I pitched my editors at Elite Daily the idea of getting staffed as a writer at a porn studio and they went along with it. I then went though some PR contacts I had to get in touch with Lee Roy Meyers, who runs WoodRocket (a studio known for porn parodies like Strokemon, Fap to the Future, Game of Bones, Spongeknob SquareBalls, etc). 

He let me pitch a few ideas for the doc series and Hamiltoe was the clear winner. I don’t know if I've ever felt more accomplished than when he told me that it was the best porn pun name he ever heard. It was like getting kissed by a god.

Tell me about your favorite scenes in the flick. 

The rapping is just very fun. The best part though is at the end of the sex scene when Missy Martinez (who is f*cking HILARIOUS... seriously, check out her Twitter!) yells "WHAT A HISTORIC LOAD!”

Did you expect Hamiltoe to take off the way it did?

Yes and no. I knew it would be viral but the coverage we got exceeded expectations. Weekend Update even did a joke about it! What is cooler than that?

There was actually a fun coincidence in that the punchline to their joke ("... in this one he DEFINITELY throws away his shot") just so happened to be a line in the first draft that got cut. There is no way they would have known that though. Hire me?

Did you ever see Hamilton live? Would you want to? 

I DID! Fun fact: I am like 99% sure I won the first lottery ticket EVER to the run at the Public Theater where it premiered.

What happened when you started your GoFundMe campaign? Were you expecting it to go viral?

This is such a fun weird project and everyone we've interacted with has been very excited for what we're doing. At the end of the day, we're making a For Your Consideration campaign to win a clever title award for a porn…and that's a sentence I never dreamed I would be saying.

Follow the campaign at #HamiltoeFYC and please donate! The more money we raise, the crazier this project can get…I swear you're going to love what we're doing. 

How did it feel to have your first porn win an AVN?

We don't know if we won yet! We find out on the 26th!

Did you get a say in who got cast? 

Not at all haha. I came up with the title, the first draft of the script, some story and maybe 5%-10% of the script. The rest of it was the fine folks at WoodRocket!

When you actually saw Hamiltoe come to life for the first time, what was your impression?

I'm not lying when I say I almost cried. The fact this thing happened still blows my mind. When I saw my name in the credits, that was a MOMENT. When I heard the first lyric I came up with, that was a MOMENT. WoodRocket did a great job with everything.

This was your first adult film script. Do you see yourself writing more? 

Nah... not really. Unless some other porn company wants to hire me for a script and then let me do another For Your Consideration campaign. I would love to do this part again.

What are your favorite hobbies? 

I am a big conspiracy theorist. Not like "jet fuel can't melt steel beams" stuff. More like "TAYLOR SWIFT AND KANYE ARE FRIENDS IN REAL LIFE, YOU SHEEPLE!" kinda things. I'm like a Kardashian Konspiracy Theorist.

Did your love of humor play a part in getting your script together?

Big time. You can't approach something like Hamiltoe and be like "what was the emotional depth, drive and flaw behind our nation's pounding father?”

I'm kinda curious about the GoFundMe thing. Did you write the full script before or after the campaign? 

The GoFundMe came up several months after Hamiltoe was released. We aren't actually associated with WoodRocket, this is the doc behind the stunts to get an award specifically for the clever name nomination.

Do you have any advice for porn writers? 

Follow your dreams! Just kidding, I honestly don't know how much money there is in porn like this so deff go out there and write scripts... but also, get a law degree or something you can buy a house with?

Honestly, this whole project came to be because 80 people said yes to requests I never thought they'd say yes to... so I guess I'm not joking when I say to follow your dreams. (Seriously though, go back to law school, too.)

Where are you going to go from here? 

Getting this doc finished and then law school. Just kidding, I'm a comic and writer so I go on to writing and performing more. You can check out my Twitter @Eitanthegoalie and my website at EitanLevine.com!

Ossiana Tepfenhart