The What-Ifs

Some people talk, think, or obsess
about "the one that got away." You're probably familiar with the
term yourself. Its the one person that was supposedly perfect for
you, but something came up where you ended up not getting married and
having a million babies. I don't have one of those. I've been in love
many times before, but I am convinced that my wife has been the best
person for me thus far. Really she's been the best by a long shot. No
one else even compares.

That doesn't mean though that I don't
sometimes wonder about the "what ifs." The what ifs are the ones
that maybe weren't great for a relationship but there was some
amazing sexual chemistry between the two of you. Maybe you had sex a
couple times or maybe you only flirted, but there was just something
there that was undeniably amazing. The what ifs are more of a "what
if I had been able to carry out my fantasies with that person?"
What would have happened? Would it have been as amazing as I think it
would be? Or would it turn out that once we got down to it, there
wasn't really that much of a connection there?

I have two what ifs, both of them male.
One of them, The Actor, I had amazing sex with for 3 weeks. The
other, Tex, I never actually met in person because of the distance,
but we talked all the time, masturbated on cam with each other, and
sent each other dirty pictures.

The actor was the most attractive man
I've ever had sex with. Truly, many many men that I've had sex with
have been very physically appealing. Heck I've slept with an
underwear model. But this man, in a more unconventional way, just
made me weak. It may be that he was just exactly my type or it was
his physical beauty combined with his intelligence, wit, and overall
silly nerdyness. Who knows. All I know was that the sex was fantastic
and hot. He lured me into his bed and once I was there I never wanted
to leave. Not only was he amazingly hot, but his cock was shaped
perfectly for my body. It was a little smaller than average and
curved downwards. This isn't a cock that is aesthetically pleasing,
but when he fucked me from behind I could not hold in the screams.
His cock and my g-spot were in love. So when he stopped returning my
calls after just 3 weeks I was baffled and hurt. I found out later
that he had decided he needed to be celibate to focus on his career
or something like that. He had decided he couldn't be trusted to talk
to me because he loved fucking me that much. And truly, had he told
me the reason at the time I wouldn't have made things any easier on
him.

But because we only fucked for 3 short
amazing weeks, he will be forever stuck in my head. As the years have
passed he pops up whenever I'm single or bored with the sex I'm
having. It does not help that we are facebook friends (god I hope he
doesn't read this, although he may just find it very flattering) and
I see all the pictures that he posts. Before I finally talked to my
wife about opening up our relationship I was starting to obsess with
the what ifs. Lets be clear, I'm not obsessed with him. I am obsessed
with the idea of fucking him in the past and how that sex would have
continued and what fantasies we could have fulfilled. Like the one I
wrote a dirty story about where he was my teacher and I his student.

The other one, Tex, is kind of a silly
dopey sweet kind of guy. He's really cute, but doesn't think he is.
We were both kind of lost in the world and feeling down on our
selves. Being a long distance type thing meant that we could be each
other's crutch to help us get out of our funks without the ability to
actually fuck up each other's lives. He used to write me really hot
dirty stories. I wish I still had them. I actually completely forgot
about them until I started writing this. We used to talk for hours
and hours over instant messenger and we'd masturbate for each other
on cam. We'd take dirty pictures and share them with each other. But
when talk came of actually turning the relationship into anything
tangible it always left us feeling hurt. He was scared of big city
life and I refuse to live in Texas. Sometimes I wonder what would've
happened had we ever gotten together even just once. Would we have
had the same chemistry we felt for each other on cam or would it have
been a fumbling awkward mess? He's married too now and I wonder if he
ever thinks about me like that anymore.