ASSk Joanna – Egos and Anal, First Tattoos and The Credit Crunch!

Dear Joanna,

How have you been able to assk for forgiveness on Yom Kippur?

I
fasted - that's really the best I can do. I have been around a lot of
other asses in my time and I think I am a pretty kind and giving ass
compared to others. I am very accepting of other people and I am always
trying to give back to the ass community.

Hi
sweetheart, I'm 28 and I'm with a beautiful cougar who's 40. We love
each other to death and  it's a serious relationship. I thought we'd be
married soon, but...One little problem has come up: I recently found
out that my girlfriend tried anal sex in a past relationship. She hated
it and she hates the guy who convinced her to do it. I could live
without anal sex, but the fact that some other dude got further with my
girl than me just kills me inside. It's to the point where I even
question marrying her. For me to marry her, she has to show the same
commitment to me - or more - than she did to her past boyfriend who
was, I'd say, the most influential man in her life. She is a little
prudish about sex in general, so it's not an easy thing for her to talk
about. We've talked about it a few times and she says to just focus on
our relationship, not on her past. She's very sweet, but her advice is
to basically swallow it, shut up and grow up. F--- that!  Ya know,
typical response by a woman who does not understand the male psyche,
eh? Women, this is why men cheat! Ego Ego Ego!  See if you can answer
the question without using the word "insecure" (wink). This is the
stuff that causes the insecurity!  OK, enough fun. Get back to me soon!

Sincerely,

Your Biggest A-hole Fan

It
sounds like her past relationship was extremely unhealthy - and she is
trying to work past that and be in a healthy relationship...so don't
try to deliberately make yours unhealthy. It seems like it was more of
a power struggle than an actual connection between two people. I bet on
the days when he was being nice she wasn't so into him and half the
reason he dumped her was probably to see how far she would go to chase
him back. You can't settle down with someone and like, open a bank
account with someone...and talk about having kids with someone you have
that kind of relationship with. However - if you are questioning
marrying her then maybe you should put the ring down for another year
or so and wait till it feels right. It sounds like both you of have to
get more comfortable with yourselves and each other before you can
think about things like anal sex and marriage. I mean - you should want
to get inside her butt because butts are awesome and her butt is more
awesome than the average butt...not because some idiot forced his way
in there before you. You both have some sort of wall up in your
emotional and sexual lives and once one comes down so will the
other...and then...the anal sex can commence!

How has the credit crunch effected the comfort of seats and chairs in the porn industry?

Chairs
are pretty sparse these days on set, so we mostly have to sit on the
floor. Then I get red marks all over myself and it sucks. We really had
to severly cut back on chairs big time. Chairs are not in the budget
anymore. So if any of you pansies want to come to one of our sets for a
day - don't fuckin' complain to me about not having a chair! It's BYOC
- bring your own chair!

Dear Joanna's Ass,

My
girl is FINALLY getting her first tattoo in a couple of weeks! I have a
concern though. She's notorious for changing her mind at the last
minute. I'm afraid that she's going to freak out at the last moment and
not get it (for the record, she's getting three giant lillies from the
side of her hip up under her tits). It's a bit much for the first go,
but she says she's really into it. Any advice on how to keep HER ASS in
the chair instead of running out the door, or should I let her cop out?
I don't want her to feel like it's something she HAS to do, but it's
definetly something I REALLY WANT HER TO DO...See why I had to ASSk
you? Thanks!

Well...maybe
it should be one lilly instead of three. It might be an easier way to
start. What is her favorite food? Joanna really likes baked
mac-n-cheese. Maybe you should make some kick ass baked mac-n-cheese
and bring it to the tattoo shop and feed it to her while she gets her
lillies done...then maybe she won't want to get off the chair. Or bring
some cupcakes. Or I don't know...help her decide on a really good
tattoo artist so once the stencil is on she is excited and not nervous.

What band has your ass been listening to?

The new Tegan and Sara album...SAINTHOOD...that and a few songs by Gossip.
Only a few songs though...not all of their songs are good, but the good
ones are really good. It's good ass music. Especially that "Standing in
the way of control..."(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRur9D354W0&feature=related) song - it makes me want to gyrate a lot.