ASSk Joanna: Starting Orgies, Getting Spanked and What To Do In A Dry Spell!

Over the years, my ass has met a lot of
different kinds of people and learned a lot of things. It is
knowledgeable on a variety of subjects, ranging from Tommy Pistol, to
ketchup bottles, to ASStrophysics. Throughout the years, you've spent
hours getting to know my ass...but you've never had the chance to
really talk to it. It's about time my ass shared some of its intellect
with my beloved fans!

So please: SUBMIT A QUESTION to my ass!It will bestow its worldly knowledge upon you all. As you may know, my
ass has a very hectic schedule; so don't be offended if it doesn't
answer your question right away.

I look forward to hearing from you!

xoxo

Joanna Angel (and her Ass)

To submit a question, please write into [email protected].

Questions will be posted WITHOUT names and information. Don't worry - your sexual inquiries are secret safe with us!

*JOANNA'S ASS IS NOT A PROFESSIONAL.
IT'S NOT "DR. ASS" or "PROFESSOR ANGEL ASS" or anything like that, so
please keep this in mind when submitting questions and - more
importantly - receiving answers!

Dear Joanna,

I am a proud
member of BA - a single guy, 24-years-old, good-looking, intelligent,
etc., and am totally obsessed with hardcore fucking. I want to organize
an orgy, but I'm not sure how to do it. For example, how do I get
people to join? E-mail? Phone calls? I have some crazy friends, but I
don't know anyone who would be willing to break their barriers to the
point of participating in group sex. I have tried bringing it up
before, in a very casual, calm, and friendly way, but people are still
against it. Should I find other people? Any advice?

Orgy Enthusiast,

Michael

Hello there,

Well
that is a good question. With all the technology and communication
tools available today, it is quite hard to choose which one is
appropriate for orgy inviting. Text messaging and email are a little
too informal, and a phone call or an in-person invite might be too
forward. Hmm. Well, I think you should invite all your horniest friends
over and crack open a few good bottles of wine, put on some Al Green,
and dim the lights and see what happens. Or if it's like, midnight, and
there is still no orgy in site, then slip everyone some ecstacy in
their drinks and see what happens.

What does your house look
like? Maybe your place is the problem. Like are you trying to have an
orgy over a heap of dirty laundry? Or Pizza boxes? Or pots with
remnants of Ramen noodles on the bottom? Because that is not orgy
material! You also need a really big bed or like a sectional couch that
goes around the whole room. I have an awesome orgy couch. In fact, I am
sitting on it right now! So yeah. Keep that in mind. You know what they
say...Location, location, location!

To Joanna & Her Ass (What a lovely ass it is!),

I
am from London, so I apologize if I sound very English! I have just
recently discovered that I like spanking...not giving...but receiving a
few spanks during foreplay and sex would be nice. I bought a paddle,
but the problem is this: I told my boyfriend that I wouldn't mind if we
put some of it into our sex life, and he just said he didn't want to
hurt me. Yeah, I know he is really sweet, but how would I convince him
to do this? What should I say or do?

Sincerely,

Ms. Wanting To Be A Spankee

WHAAAAAAT!!
Psssssht. Tell him he's a fucking pussy and have another guy come over
and spank you. In fact, Joanna's boyfriend will happily fly over to
England, spank the shit out of you til you are all red and then take a
picture of your red ass and send it to him. No, wait, in fact, I will
get the whole thing on webcam and make him watch it live - like
Clockwork Orange-style, with those thingys in his eves. No, ok -
wait...I got it: I will have a girl spank you, so then he will know
that he is more of a pussy than a chick and guys hate when
they are made to feel like that. Seriously. Or wait - if he won't spank
you, then I think you should just compromise and say you will spank him
instead, and not with some cute fetishy paddle you got at the Hustler
store, but with a frying pan or something. FOR REALZ! A man won't spank
his girlfriend...what is this world coming to!?!

Hi Joanna's Ass...

At
the moment, I'm going through a really bad dry spell. I haven't been
laid for about 3 months and I feel like my penis is shrinking due to
the problem of having no love apart from my right hand; I probably
would've done something drastic if it wasn't for this site. I go out to
clubs and bars pretty much every weekend and never have any problems
chatting to girls, but that's as far as it seems to go...I never even
seem to get a fucking kiss in there or anything! I'm not shy or
anything; I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Part of me thought, "Well,
maybe it's because I'm too outgoing and I don't really care if other
people think I'm a complete ass; I just like to have fun..." I don't
know! Just thought you could give me some advice? If you can't, the
next option is to have plastic surgery and turn myself into a David
Hasselhoff look-a-like!

Sincerely,

Dry Spelled

Well,
I am kinda biased. I don't want you to stop looking at BurningAngel. I
mean, if you start getting laid again, are you going to stop looking at
the site?! I don't like that. I am not giving you advice unless you
sign a contract stating that your love for BurningAngel will remain the
same regardless of whether or not you get laid.

Ok, I changed my mind. But don't tell Joanna that I let this slide.

Well
I don't have great advice for you. If you are going to get surgery to
look like anyone though, you should get surgery to look like Travis
Barker - not David Hasselhoff. Ummm...yeah...well - here is the thing.
When dudes go a long time without getting laid, and they really really
want to get laid, they start acting kinda weird. I know you can't help
it, but it just happens. What you really need to do is just focus on
something else for awhile...and I promise something will come your way.
I know it's easier said than done but...maybe you should take an art
class somewhere or something. Or like, try to build something...get a
hobby! I swear. Once you start doing stuff other than going to bars and
trying to get laid, you will meet someone nice...and they won't be
drunk. Also, girls get hit on a lot at bars, so you're kinda competing
with a bunch of other douchebags when you do that. I think it's a lot
better to meet a girl at the supermarket than at a bar. So yeah. I
don't know if this was really great advice but all I can say is, try to
do something other than get laid and the lay will come - and you will
cum too!