Reasons Why I Could Never Be a Serial Killer

Over the last 24 hours or so I have watched a couple of seemingly bad horror movies on television - Ghost Ship, The Hills Have Eyes 2 and Wrong Turn - and despite their intelligence or lack thereof, I have learned a lot.

For one, we all know horror movies have been beaten to death but they keep coming back, actually they have never gone away. I am not an aficionado of the horror genre but I love watching these films.

But why do we love it so? I mean the plot is nearly the same all of the time = People are going somewhere, their car breaks down, or is sabotaged and killers come out of the woods to slash them up. There are some exceptions of course; I always thought the Scream series was pretty innovative. But for the most part, since the 1970s slasher films have followed the same format.

This made me  think that horror films are a lot like porn films, or "whore" movies if you will. Get it? Horror/Whore? Oh man like that joke hasn't been beaten to death like a lost scantly clad teen on the side of the road in one of these movies.

We watch both genres and we know what's going to happen, we know why we came here to see this. We want to see someone get killed so we can be scared and we want to see someone get fucked. It's all pretty simple really. We feed on sex and violence. (cue the Exploited song here).

So this got me to thinking further. Scary, I know right?

I could be a porn performer, maybe not a star say like Manuel Ferrara or Randy Spears but I could performer at the moper level. I like sex, I know a lot of people in the business and cameras wouldn't bother me while having sex with a beautiful girl like Belladonna, Joanna Angel, Ashlynn Brooke or Teagan Presley.

But what I couldn't do is be a serial killer and there is one simple reason for this - I am too fucking lazy.

Serial killers fascinate me, Bundy, Gacey, Dahmer etc, but I could never be them. I mean yeah it's against the law, inhumane and all that other stuff, but think about how much work it takes to be a serial killer.

You have to lure people to remote spots or your place and then you kill them. That takes a lot of planning and processing. Then after the kill you have so much blood you have to clean up and I am sure that is not easy. I mean, I can't ever get blood out of my shirt from a damn paper cut. Then you have to "get rid of the body." That means either dragging this heavy lifeless body somewhere and either digging a hole to bury it, dumping it in some watery place or, as they like to do in movies, dismember it. I don't want to saw someone up, that would take forever, and I don't even saw wood for God's sake. Then after all that is done you have to cover your tracks so you won't get caught. And serial killers do this over and over again.

So the secret is out, I am too lazy to kill people, but I am horny enough to fuck people on camera for the world to see.

I will leave the killing to the books and bad movies; well actually I will leave the fucking to the movies too, because no one really wants to see my pale white ass and average size cock in a porn film.

Have a nice day and cum as much as you can, but don't kill anyone.

Side note:  I am sure if the government is reading this I have just been flagged.