ASSk Joanna: The Other Woman, Couples Watching Porn and Practice Makes Perfect

Over the years, my ass has met a lot of different kinds of people and
learned a lot of things. It is knowledgeable on a variety of subjects,
ranging from Tommy Pistol, to ketchup bottles, to ASStrophysics.
Throughout the years, you've spent hours getting to know my ass...but
you've never had the chance to really talk to it. It's about time my
ass shared some of its intellect with my beloved fans!

So please: SUBMIT A QUESTION to my ass!It will bestow its worldly knowledge upon you all. As you may know, my
ass has a very hectic schedule; so don't be offended if it doesn't
answer your question right away.

I look forward to hearing from you!

xoxo

Joanna Angel (and her Ass)

To submit a question, please write into [email protected].

Questions will be posted WITHOUT names and information. Don't worry - your sexual inquiries are secret safe with us!

Hi there Joanna's Ass, looking fine as
always. And let me just add that I love BurningAngel.com!  Anyway, I met this girl which I wanted to date, but it turns out she
has a boyfriend of several years. I'm not one to normally screw with a
relationship so I backed off and we just ended up hanging out with each
other and becoming friends. Then one night, she jumps me and we proceed
to mess around a little. We had a conversation and decide it's better
not to do it again. But despite her saying she doesn't want to do it
anymore, it's happened several other times, initiated by both her and
myself. I really like this girl, but I don't know if it's love, and I
don't want to continually screw with her relationship. Yet I find
myself thinking about her a lot. So, should I make my feelings known
and go for it so I don't have any regrets, or do I just back off and
leave it alone? Any advice from your lovely ass would be greatly
appreciated.

Sincerely, Man Confused by Women (there's a surprise, huh?) 

Dear Man Confused by Women,

Thank
you very much for your compliments. Joanna has spent much of her supper
eating pizza and drinking beer, so as a result, I am becoming better
friends with her thighs and they are slowly starting to overpower me.
Please tell Joanna to change her diet...or I won't stick out as nicely
as I usually do. But that's besides the point...

In any case...I am
very familiar with this type of girl. In fact, Joanna herself indulged
in shady little "mistress" scenarios herself...and I was REALLY busy when
that was going on. I mean, it was nice to get some extra attention but
that was a little overboard. Um...yeah...so anyways, this girl is not
girlfriend material, and this girl is not fall-in-love-with material.
This girl is trouble. You don't want to date her; if she's doing this
to her boyfriend now, she could do this to you too. If she was a
stand-up girl, she would have broken up with her boyfriend after the
first time it happened. I'm sorry; I know you probably didn't want to
hear that.

You can keep messing around with her if you want, but
keep this in mind: one day, her boyfriend will find out...and when he
does, she won't apologize, she will blame this on you...because girls are
really good at doing that. Before you know it, this guy is gonna be on
your porch with a baseball bat...and no vagina is worth a baseball bat.
Don't worry so much about messing with her relationship; worry about
your own safety!

Okay,
so I don't even know how to word this without sounding like a tard. I
always see sex scenes that Joanna and James do with another girl as a
couple and I think its so hot. My question is: how does that work in
real life, being with someone you love plus seeing some hot girl with
your boyfriend? I must admit the idea of me and another girl blowing my
boyfriend sounds awesome, but does it ever or has it ever gotten weird.
What's your advice to a threesome virgin, who really really wants to
try it out?

Yours truly, Threesome Curious 

Hey Threesome Curious!

I'll
be honest: threesomes can either be awesome, or a total nightmare -
they can bring about the best night of your life, or the ending of a
relationship. I know it doesn't seem that way on camera...but it's true!
You don't sound like a tard.

First of all, you need to be
confident. You have to understand that you and your boyfriend are in
love, and you know that he would still love you just as much even if he
had mind-blowing sex with someone else. You have to see the threesome
as something fun and physical, and leave anything emotional and mental
out of it...or shit is just gonna get messy. This might sound kinda
crass, but it's great to have threesome with the sluttiest girl you
know. Like, that girl who is in your group of friends who dates 20
people at once. She will most likely be awesome in bed, and she won't
want a relationship. Not everyone in the world can handle casual sex;
you definitely don't want to have a threesome with someone who is going
to get clingy with you OR your boyfriend.

Joanna's scenario is a
little different than most. Her boyfriend has had sex with like,
three-thousand women. Joanna gets more jealous when James doesn't have
sex with someone than when he does...so her tolerance for other women is
a bit higher than most.

You need to take charge: if your
boyfriend and the other girl are having a great time, make her say
thank you to you while she's having an orgasm. Be like, "Yeah, you want
this dick? Then beg for it!" And make her beg for your boyfriend's cock.

I
don't know if any of this helped...I am totally on "team threesome" and I
want to be invited, but you need to make sure you are totally ready for
it before you get yourself involved in something you might not be.

Hello
Joanna's Ass, you're looking phenomenal today. I know this is your
column and all, but I have to give a shout-out to Joanna's Breasts. YOU
TWO ROCK!!! And here's to hoping that I somehow get to see you to live
one day. Now if I can ask your advice. How does one become good at sex?
I'm not a virgin, but I am a little inexperienced. I
understand that you need to practice something in order to get good at
it, but you kind of need to be good at sex in order for women to want
to have it with you. Other than prostitution - which is unfortunately
illegal and expensive - is there a way? Do women only want men who can
fuck their brains out? Do some women find this cute? Do some women find
it sexy to be the teacher, and if so, do you know any and can you
introduce me? I may be a bit on the shy and quiet side, but I would
like to do my part in bringing as much pleasure as I can to the female
community. So I'm looking for some advice, care to take a crack at it?

Signed, Wanting To Do His Part 

I will relay the message to Joanna's breasts. However, they do get a lot of attention and as a result have developed an ego. So don't encourage them!

Now
to address the issue at hand: there are women out there who want you to
fuck their brains out, and there are women out there who want to fuck
YOUR brains out. There are women out there who like to get choked and
smacked around, and there are women out there who like a lot of
foreplay and a lot of kissing, and a lot of...er..."romance." There is
not one thing you can do to please all women in general. But I can tell
you this: all women, AND all asses, like to feel good. So if you want
to make the woman feel good, you're on the right track. Don't worry so
much about trying to be the biggest or the best or the most experienced
guy in the world: you're not entering a fuck-a-thon. A lot of girls
would totally get off on being your little sex teacher. I think you
should just put that out there and see what kind of responses you get.
And be yourself! It sounds like you are too worried about what women
want and what women think...just relax, be yourself, put a photo on
your Myspace that accentuates your best angles, and get out there and
have some fun!