ASSk Joanna – Too Big, DP and Girl Crushing

Over the years, my ass has met a lot of
different kinds of people and learned a lot of things. It is
knowledgeable on a variety of subjects, ranging from Tommy Pistol, to
ketchup bottles, to ASStrophysics. Throughout the years, you've spent
hours getting to know my ass...but you've never had the chance to
really talk to it. It's about time my ass shared some of its intellect
with my beloved fans!

So please: SUBMIT A QUESTION to my ass!It will bestow its worldly knowledge upon you all. As you may know, my
ass has a very hectic schedule; so don't be offended if it doesn't
answer your question right away.

I look forward to hearing from you!

xoxo

Joanna Angel (and her Ass)

To submit a question, please write into [email protected].

Questions will be posted WITHOUT names and information. Don't worry - your sexual inquiries are secret safe with us!

Dear Joanna, so I'm a lucky guy with a
great girl who is down for practically anything including anal! Problem
is, I'm too big (about 6 inches and really thick). She doesn't think it
will ever work but I'm not giving up my only chance at anal that
easily. Is there such a thing as being too big for anal? Does it just
take time and patience? Please help!!! 

The
first penis I ever met was like 4 or maybe 5 inches, and it kind of
hurt. The second one was about 6, and that kind of hurt too. Then the
third one was 10 inches and it felt awesome. Not to burst your ego, but
6 inches isn't that big dude. I'm not saying you need to start taking
penis enlargement pills, but you aren't at the level of feeling sorry
for yourself because you are just so huge. You're problem is you are
probably doing it wrong. I mean, what are you doing: are you just
jamming it in there? I don't like having things jammed in me. Have you
ever looked at a picture of an ass before (like a diagram)?...as you
can see, the hole is connected to a little path and it can either go up
or down. Stick your finger in there and see where it goes: try to
follow it and aim your dick that way when you go in there. Go slowly,
make sure to use your tongue and fingers a lot at first and have her
play with her clit while you're doing it and just help her relax. If
all this still doesn't work, well there are some girls out there who
really just don't like anal, but please, don't credit your monster cock
for this.

Hi
Joanna, you talked about how every girl should DP at least once in her
life, and that it somehow saves or helps relationships, hah. So my
question for you AND your ass is...how is DP? Honest opinion would be
totally appreciated because I'm kind've at a crossroads. My longtime
girlfriend and I have considered trying it on multiple occasions. If
you could give your best female perspective on what makes it so
worthwhile, I'd love ya forever. I know it's, like, a three-part
question, so sorry. But thanks for reading. 

I
really do love getting DPed...I have only done it a few times, but to
be quite honest, I don't know how much luck you will have doing this in
your personal life. I've been part of about 10 DP's in my life and 8 of
them were really good, two of them were kinda sloppy. The first and
second time I got DP'd Joanna was really concerned about picking
someone cute, as opposed to some of the not-so-cute seasoned
professionals at DP's. I personally don't care about the guy's face and
the personality, because I don't get to see that anyways... I just deal
with the penis. Thankfully she let me pick the DP partners from then on
out because ultimately it was me who had to spend the most time with
these people. Here is what I think.... You should DP your girlfriend with
someone who'll make sure it goes right. It would really suck if like,
you chose a guy to do it with and your girl was in pain, and the other
guy couldn't keep his dick hard; and what if you do it with a friend of
yours and then it gets all awkward, or you start getting
jealous...seriously... things could get weird if the wrong people are
involved. If you want, I can recommend you some guys who would DP the
hell out of your girlfriend with you. I'm not trying to be controlling;
I just want this to be good and memorable. I get really sad when there
are bad DP's going on in the world. There is a good DP scene in Cum on My Tattoo 3- if you are really anxious to do this right away, you should watch
Lorelei's scene in there and try to mimic what the guys are doing. But
really watch it; pay attention to how the girl has her legs and where
the guys are and shit. One wrong move and the whole experience can be
painful, and also, extremely homosexual. Make sure the practice partner
isn't a guy you're going to get jealous of...get someone who is
genuinely in this to fuck your girlfriend with your penis inside her
body at the same time...not just someone who's in this to fuck your
girlfriend, regardless of whether or not you're there. It will only
work if everyone is there in the name of the DP and not in the name of
creating a weird awkward soap-opera.

I
need some advice on this boy I'm crushing on. I met him, like, last
year, and have been talking to him a lot in the past few months. We
would have hours and hours of late night/early morning conversations
over the phone and via aim. But in the past month, since he's been back
on tour, it hasn't been like that as much. When I do see him, he's VERY
cute to me. He'll hold my hand, give me kisses, and do cute stuff. I
saw him last week for 2 days in a row. I get to see him again tonight
for like 3 days in a row. Then I don't know when I'll see him after
that. I just have one thing standing in my way...THIS GIRL. She throws
herself at him, and just annoys me. I've tried being nice to her for
the sake of not starting drama. But she makes it impossible. She'll do
that thing...ya know, the one where she does something and looks RIGHT
AT ME. He doesn't seem that into her. I think he's only really being
nice to her because she knows some "uber cool" people. This is what my
best friend tells me. Okay, so he's a few years younger than me, and is
in a touring band. Oh and he also says he's not looking for a
girlfriend at the moment. But I like him. So what should I do? Just see
how things go? What should I do about this girl? I would love to stuff
her into someones trunk; haha. Any advice would be awesome. Love you! -
(this question is actually from a very special Burning Angel who will
remain nameless, but near and dear to my heart)  

I
know it may seem hard but you can't take your aggression out on this
girl. It's not her fault! He could be doing the same thing to her that
that he is to you and she probably wants to stuff your face in a trunk
as well. I know it isn't fun to hear that, but it is just something
that cute boys in bands tend to do. Plus, you are so hot and so fun to
fuck... and so funny and charming and wonderful; why the fuck do you care
about some douchebag in a band! You say you guys have fun together -
just leave it at that. Don't get wrapped up in all the bullshit...and
maybe you should try and insinuate that you and band boy and bitchy
girl all have a threesome and clear the water. This kid probably loves
the drama he's started... he's probably writing songs about it as we
speak. Rather than harp on this one, I think you should get friendly
with the other dudes in his band and try to have romantic late night
conversations and hand-holding sessions with all of them. We'll see
what he says about that! Think of guys in bands like baseball cards;
just try to collect them all.