It all leads up to this….

I'm sitting in
my mom's living room at 7:00am listening to Buddhist chanting, with my
stepfather beside me eyes closed, heart open. Yesterday we visited the Maitreya
Project Heart Shrine Relic Tour, at the Maui Community College, and as we sat
in the room containing the relics, these pearls which are said to be the
remains of Buddha's long gone, but certainly not forgotten, one couldn't help
but feel the incredible vibrations that overwhelm the body. The mind. The ego.
Everything I knew dissolved as hand poured pure nectar over baby Buddha in an
attempt to cleanse my self of attachments and obstructions. Of course never
cleansed entirely, just for brief moments in time, if that at all.

The chanting has
brought the sun up over Maui, welcomed it with prayers and prostrations. What a
beautiful morning in paradise.

The most hectic
week led me to this moment of sheer bliss, this moment of serenity and
contentment. Last Friday and Saturday in Vegas, Sunday and Monday in LA,
Tuesday Wednesday in Oakland, Thursday Friday in Vegas, all the while back to
SD in between to sleep in my own sheets, Saturday in LA and then Sunday a
flight to Maui, nothing has been more climatic than when I missed my flight out
here. A friend of mine was supposed to take me to the airport. Never showed
(most likely because we were out drinking the previous night), just like the
yellow cab I called. Well they did show, but an hour later than I expected. So
I actually left in my car for the airport, and upon reaching the top of the
hill separating my house and the airport, realized there is no way in hell I am
going to make this flight. Admittedly, I broke down. I started crying. I never
miss a flight. Especially one to see my mom, in paradise. I cried big alligator
tears as I drove down toward the airport, on the phone with my mother, knowing
full well I never should have left my travel plans in my buddy's drunken hands.
I shouldn't have gone for that run in the misty morning. I should have got up,
packed, called yellow cab, and gone, no dilly dally. I drove to the stop sign
at the top of the hill, and through tears, decided to turn around. Get on
another flight. No amount of me rushing would guarantee making the flight, and
with the previous week, the entire culmination of events finally breaking my
hard working spirit, I thought "Just go home. Catch the next flight. Take a
couple bong loads and relax." And I did just that.

Which is good
because I almost threw up when the Hawaiian air guy told me its an extra $250
to change the flight. "But if I were to book an entirely new flight right now,
it would be $323? Why isn't it just the difference?" At which point I realized
he has no fucking clue, and why in the world would I expect him to know the
answer to this kind of question. The guys just works here. He's not trying to
fuck me over, he doesn't care at all what the upgrade is. He's just reading the
screen. So I gave him my card, apologized for my rude line of questioning, and
carried on through security with my new ticket in hand. I figure, why complain
about an extra 250. I would pay an extra thousand to see my mom (but don't tell
the airlines that....). And with the way the week has gone, all I wanted is to be
on my way to Hawaii.

And now that I'm
here, it all makes sense. Every single move I made. All the traveling, and
bullshit. All the nonsense, and "forced compassion". All to bring me here. This
moment.  So what am I going to do today?

I'm going to go for a run along the beach. Then I'm going to sit and listen to the chanting a bit more, (thank you mac for allowing me to listen to whatever I want, whenever I want, however much I want). I think later, when the sun is shining with all its might, I am going to make a date with my new boyfriend, Norman Mailer, and maybe he will seduce me under those sultry cancerous rays. And then after that, I'm going to attempt to simply exist in this state of paradise. 

And I will take some pictures to share. xo