Leaving Las Vegas

What a difference a day makes.

For the past week I was elbow to elbow with the gamblers, porno girls, industry folks and usual Vegas-ers.  Tonight I had dinner alone in a little IHOP in Simi Valley.  I was the only customer.  Quite the change of scenery.

Vegas was great.  It was my first show representing Shane's World and Hush Hush Entertainment.  I had a chance to meet some of my fellow X-Critic peeps as well as porn luminaries and such.  Since I was down in the business suite with Megan, I regret that any of you guys that came by the Shane's World RV didn't get a chance to say hi to Megan and me, but I hope you enjoyed meeting Delilah Strong and Casey Parker.

Since I know everyone loves some good strong language and venting, allow me to entertain you.

• The AVN Award show was again another example of the show being dominated by wins for Vivid, Wicked, Digital Playground and Evil Angel.  Not that those companies aren't great companies, but you absolutely gotta think that people take the awards with a grain of salt since all the major sponsors will win all the awards.  Basically, if you are nominated alongside Vivid...good luck.  I think a "Dancing With The Stars" system should be in place.  The judges count for 2/3 of the vote, and the fans for 1/3.  I bet you'd see a dramatic change in who wins all the awards.  Bring Price Waterhouse (j/k) in to oversee the voting, so that the political tit-for-tat crap doesn't take place.

• Jenna Jameson can kiss my ass.  I hope she heard the boos.  And I hope that her blood sugar level was sufficient to keep her brain functioning enough to recognize that those were FANS booing you.  Congratulations....you are now irrelevant.  Jenna gives the best acceptance speaches....Jenna Haze that is...because Jenna Jameson sounds like a bitter  2008 version of Traci Lords.  Jenna...it's over, see ya....except for when you turn sideways that is.  Guess she won't be winning anymore AVN Awards...which is a good thing...because those stick-figure arms couldn't lift them.  Jenna:  The Grand Lux is open 24 hours...try the Chop House Burger....then try it again....then try it again....keep trying it until you have arms that exist in all 3 dimensions.

• We played a game at the Shane's World table where we bet on whom the girls would thank first in their acceptance speeches (btw Megan won....damn it).  What I thought was interesting is that Hush Hush Webmaster Paul got shut out because his bet was on "the fans".  That's right...not a single girl/guy thanked the fans first.  That's sad when you think about it.  But it speaks to a larger problem in our industry on all levels, disregard what the fans/consumers want, and you aren't long for the biz.

• In 4 years of AVN Awards I have NEVER heard the words "porn clerk" mentioned.  For the most part, no one in this industry ever gives a shit about the porn clerks.  If I ever get up on that stage, that's the first thing out of my mouth.  They are the unsung heroes, on the front lines of the Obscenity fight.  They don't have a war chest of money to fight.  They likely work for a meager wage and never once have they been recognized by anyone in this industry. While we buy $500 bottles of wine to impress our other industry insiders, the guys behind the counters are working for at or near minimum wage.  I do want to recognize Evil Angel, John Stagliano and Eli Cross for their performance dealing with the futuristic vision of America.  The closing statements by Cross went something along the lines of "buy your DVDs at your local porn store".  Thank You!  Can we stop kissing the asses of every e-tailer and VOD company for JUST 2 SECONDS enough to thank the places where we ALL still sell WAY more pieces?  Brick and mortar.

• Porno girls.  Eat a sandwich.  Some girls just looked "I should be in a Sally Struthers commercial" thin.  It's all right-angles.  Some of these girls have no depth...and I don't mean intellectually...I mean in the literal sense...if they turned sideways there would just be 2 fake breasts hovering in the air.  Lisa Sparxxx won Hottest Milf at the Hottest Girl In Porn competition.  She's got a nice ass.  It's not even big.  Oh, it's big compared to the other girls, but compared to what a real woman looks like, it just looks really good and ample...and best of all.......... REALISTIC.  Some of the girls appeared to have bones in places I didn't know people had bones.  When we start promoting girls simply because how skinny and small they are, we are going down the wrong path.  This is pornography, we aren't looking for jockeys.  Promote girls who fuck really good on film and enjoy it regardless of what size they are.  Jenna Haze is skinny...but she fucks REALLY good.  Belladonna has a booty and she fucks REALLY good.  Belladonna was outfucking these girls when she was pregnant!

• All that being said...I actually really enjoy this show.  I think our fans SHOULD get to see these girls.  I think this is a great event for that purpose.  Every year I hear people on the business side talk about how much they hate this event.  Then don't go.  If you hate it so much, don't go, you won't be missed.  But I think deep down you really do enjoy it, you just hate to sound like a fanboy for admitting it.  If you hate dealing with crowds so much then fine...move to Antarctica.  There are crowds everywhere there's a popular product.  Too many customers is the best problem we could ever have.  Heaven forbid we all make money in an industry where we have big turnouts to see our products!  If you hate dealing with fans of your product, then shut the fuck up, close up shop and go flip burgers!  We had a GREAT time with fans up at the Shane's World / Hush Hush booth.  So feel free to show love to the companies that show love back.  We appreciate every single one of our fans.  Without you...we'd be nothing, your enthusiasm is what makes us love to do our "jobs".

So thanks to everyone who came out to Vegas.  I know Don got a BILLION pictures, and I can't wait to see them.  It was a pleasure to meet everyone...let the countdown for next year begin!!!