Reviews 101: Pt 2, Tera Patrick in Desperate and The Love Twins

Reviews 101: Pt 2:
Titles
With over 4600
adult reviews written in the last few years, and tens of thousands of titles released in the same time period, many companies have fallen into the practice of using a title designed to piss people off or shock them. After over thirty years of porn being a part of society's everyday existence, this is a natural phenomenon to be expected. Just like some mainstream companies have taken to using increasingly shocking footage in their commercials to sell other products, those in the porn industry have resorted to providing sex acts that have come to be known as circus act sex and movie titles designed to invoke the idea that the DVD is something particularly outrageous.

Titles like Ass Slaves 3, Cunt Gushers, On your Knees Bitch, Sperm Filled Sluts, Riot Sluts, My Daughter's Fucking Blackzilla, Trophy Whores, and the Cum Sucking Whore series all seek to make you pick them up and rent or buy them.
With few exceptions, most people don't use these terms in their everyday lives so they remain taboo to varying degrees (mention words like "Slave" to certain ethnic populations and you'd better be talking about reparations if you know what's good for you).

When reviewing such movies, it can sometimes be difficult to separate out the hype from the truth though which is why some of us seem to get caught up in semantic games with public relations people from time to time. One example that comes up are the multitude of titles revolving around age, from the Hustler Barely Legal line to Sin City's Barely 18 series to Red Light District's Young Ripe Mellons to the Teen America series by Digital Playground. Those of you that have seen any of these know that fantasy role playing aside, a great many of the gals in them haven't seen their teenage years in a very long time yet we continue to grab them up like the marketing gurus say we will. If we point out the apparent discrepancies in the title, we'll be called out on it by those who claim they didn't really mean Anal Bunnies 13 was full of anal sex, we just took it the wrong way. Interestingly enough, many of you readers will jump on titles that use one of the heated code words (just like you've been programmed to do) while letting a far more interesting title languish off to the side, strictly based on the name.
Is it any wonder that some companies have begun adding terms like "Collector's Edition", "Director's Cut", and even "Extravaganza" in order to draw some extra attention by press and consumers alike? So in answer to the question that comes up on a regular basis, no, the title doesn't impact the rating as some of you think it does but it certainly impacts how many of you read the review in question. Next week, we hope to bring a special article about reviewing classic porn titles newly released on DVD by The Mooninite, so keep an eye out for what he has to say.

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Highlights of The Week

We start off this week with a look at the latest release by Tera Patrick, one of the leading ladies of porn in terms of fans, in Desperate. The movie is a short story about a woman who falls for the wrong type of guy, in this case played by Spyder Jonez, from the wrong side of the tracks. While not the blockbuster many had hoped it would be, Tera continued to shine as she starred in three sex scenes that her fans will want to see her in. Spyder and Tommy Gunn play police impersonators that use hookers to distract their customers, robbing them blind knowing that johns aren't going to report them to the police. Monique Alexander, Shy Love, Brooke Haven, and Syvette Wimberly round out the female cast but this was a showcase piece for Tera and she provided some nice eye candy along with the action.

Interracial means many things to many people but this week we have three titles that will address whichever flavor you prefer. Starting with the incredibly well endowed Shane Diesel who porks his way through a number of young gals learning about diversity in My Daughter's Fucking Blackzilla 3, moving onto to the sultry gyrations of Latina Cum Queens, and then closing out with our getting to see the tiny little Asian gals of Sakura Tales 9 handle what most of us would consider average cocks, each show stayed true to form by offering up some truth in advertising. I'd be interested to see the seventh wonder of the world (Shane) perform with some of the Asian cuties in ST9 but I'm afraid he would rip them in two given the sheer size of that baseball bat he wields.

Next up we took a long, hard look at the body part so many of us love with The Big Ass Show, Big Wet Asses 7, Assparade 5, and Riding the Curves 4. Flower Tucci provided solid performances in the first two titles but each had some of the other best bottoms in porn to offer up as well.
The difference between then would be that while TBAS provided a variety of incredible tease sequences (Jana Cova so owns my body after this one), BWS7 had the best anal action (and Naomi earned that front cover you've been staring at). A5 was best for those who prefer amateur porn and condoms while RTC4 was geared to those that appreciate foreign approach that employs the standoffish demeanor some of you enjoy.

We then took a look at a couple of compilations, Top Porn Stars by Metro Interactive; a collection of five scenes of various porn stars who have been in the industry for a while now from a variety of sources under the company's wing, to a showcase by Adam & Eve in Signature Series
13: Lauren Phoenix where Disco said: "Totally committed to the copulation, she radiates a real enjoyment of sex, something that translates into interest and arousal for the viewer. In general, Lauren Phoenix deserves to be a bigger star. Sure, she's a name, and known for her excellent porn star skills. But she is much more than that, able to come across as both slutty and sensual onscreen - a true rarity indeed."
Having watched many of her scenes over the years, I can agree with The Dirge on his assessment but there were fine pickings in TPS too.

Fans of oral sex will undoubtedly approve that the latest release of Deep Throat (WMV-HD) is in a newly remastered print that might not employ the upcoming Blu-Ray or HD-DVD but still provides a nicer view of the movie than has been the case since it played in theatres over 30 years ago.
This is arguably the founding feature of porn and whatever limitations it has in terms of sexual heat and such, it has earned our respect to the point that a feature article on the title is in the works for an upcoming Blue Room column so keep an eye out for it. On the other hand, most modern porn audiences want the crystal clarity of hardcore shows like Mouth 2 Mouth 5, where the perverted mind of director Chico Wang has more oral in a single scene than the history lesson of Deep Throat provides during the entire movie. With salad tossing, cumswapping, and antics that would've ended up with Linda Lovelace in jail for years, you sure can say that the world of porn has come a long way baby. For a couple of titles somewhere in between those two extremes, give a look to our reviews of Big Mouthfuls 7 and Cum On My Face 4, each having a certain appeal too.

Another porn genre many fans seem to appreciate is that dealing with youthful gals. While most of the titles above are jam-packed with gals young enough to be carded everywhere they go, few seem to embrace the concept so thoroughly as Big Cocks in Her Little Box 2 and Barely 18 #24.
Between the two, reviewer Namrufmot gave the nod to the latter but considering it had rising starlet Gina Austin in it (also out in Orgasmika
recently), this is to be expected. His only reservation of it seemed to be concerning the video quality of the show but he still claimed it was:
"the best installment I've seen" so if the raw energy was that good, I might have to pick up the phone to Adult DVD Empire right away.

We also saw a couple of feature porn titles worth your time and money with the comedy of Fucking in the Name of Science, where Evan Stone plays Doc MaCock, a sex researcher doing his best to ensure a bright and orgasmic tomorrow for people in need. When you see names like Katja Kassin, Nikki Hunter, Felix Vicious and Dillan Lauren on the cover, you know you will be treated to some of the finest fucking Hustler offers. On the other hand, if you are in the market for a movie about cheating spouses (like Brad Armstrong is known for), Orgasmika
might be more your style. It stars Haley Scott and Kris Knight but features Gina Austin in one of her very first roles for Sin City. Fans of Texas Presley will be happy to know she once again steals the show repeatedly but her friends were in fine form too as they fucked and sucked with polished performances befitting their talents.

If you've ever dreamed of that ultimate fantasy where you get in on a threesome, the next trio of titles will certainly appeal to your libido.
In Cum Rain Cum Shine 2, Namrufmot said: "The action was amazing, the chemistry was strong" as he extolled the many virtues of the title while he really seemed to get into 1 Dick 2 Chicks #4, offering up: "This DVD is everything that an adult DVD should aspire to be. Intense and playful action, excellent video quality, and plenty of extras all make this DVD a great value. Fans of threesomes (who isn't) will definitely want to consider adding this one to their collection." For his part, Saul seemed inclined to appreciate the multi-partner theme with Good Things Cum In 3's, a selection of Private titles where he pointed out that they were "always satisfying" and that "the women steam with European hotness".

Last up this week are a couple of titles as different as night and day in their approach to sexual misconduct with Mark Wood offering his gentler side as he skipped anal altogether in favor of Bring Back the Pussy; another title starring Naomi but also offering up Eve Lawrence and Harmony in solid scenes. Contrast that with the taboo world of Kylie Ireland's On Your Knees Bitch, with a cast of hotties such as Flower Tucci, Kelly Kline, Texas Presley, and even Kylie herself in a bonus scene with a guy sporting enough hair to be Chewbacca's kid brother. This was among the most politically incorrect title of the week as it showcased scenarios of corrupt cops on the prowl, dykes abusing their lesbian partners, and a couple of groupies willing to prove that there is no business like show business.

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Upcoming Titles

While walking the aisles of the 2006 AEE Show last month, I lucked into seeing the talented Jordan Septo hanging out at the Exquisite booth with some of the most interesting people of the show. I spotted the cover to Great
Big Asses and knew that it would be a big seller based on the fact that it starred Katja Kassin, Flower Tucci, and Luscious Lopez alone.
Jordan took me off to the side and suggested it was among his best work to date and that was the clincher for me since he has been one of the brightest lights in porn of late.

Fans of younger performers will get their chance to see if Barely
Legal 55, the latest in this long time series by the popular company. There are many pretenders to the throne of youth and glory in porn these days but this series has provided more stroke value than a jet engine in the past so we're hoping it meets with Adam's squeal of approval.

Next up is what almost has to be best seller thanks to two little words: Jesse
Jane: All American Girl, in another stylish look at the superstar contract hotty that tells "the fun and provocative story of a popular girl, coming of age in prep school. She playfully embraces her sexuality in a delicious tale of lost innocence." If you've seen Ranch
House Lust lives up to the box hype where it said: "Joey wants to show you around his ranch, and this getaway is just what you've been looking for. Ride up to the lake and shed your inhibitions. Temperatures rise with the warmth of the sun pressed against your skin as Joey expands on the ins and outs of running the ranch. Let his ranch hand, John, show you how to drive his tractor. After the sun sets, Joey serves you a glass of wine made special from his vineyard. You'll never want to go back to the city again." If anyone can shed some light on the matter, the leader of the Playgirl Posse can so keep your eyes peeled and your pants undone while she checks it out.

Keri Sable may have retired early from porn but director Brad Armstrong had a lot of fun making But
I'm With The Band using her and Jessica Drake, in a story about a groupie that will do anything, and I mean ANYTHING, to see her favorite rock stars. The early buzz on this title is that it was shot in High Definition and was well received in a few after hour screening parties in Chatsworth. We'll bring you up to speed on the details as soon as I can pry my hands off…my keyboard; yeah that's the ticket, my keyboard.

Jack will be telling us if True
Hollywood Twins lives up to the box hype where it said: "They did everyone together. What do you do when you're identical twins from the Midwest and you're twice as horny as the average siblings? Easy. Move to California and call Vivid. Meet True Hollywood Twins, the almost true story of how two former twin TV stars re-create the fame and fortune they found on TV, but in the bedroom with balls bouncing and cameras rolling! It's all from the mind of Paul Thomas, one of adult's most awarded directors. Have you ever dreamed of being double-teamed by two hot and horny twins? Stop dreaming. Wake up and buy True Hollywood Twins!" Will this be the breakthrough title of the so-called Love Twins?
We'll let you know!

One of our top team members Namrufmot, will let us know if Ass
Wide Open 7 was as good as previous volumes in the series. The amount of fuck for the buck looked to be worthy of extra attention, as did the cast, but can it live up to the advertised: "The ass master extraordinaire is back with all the fury and passion that has made his series so unforgettable. This ultra sexy cast is sure to raise your temperature as LeCastel himself lays his huge cock into the backdoors of some of the most beautiful ladies ever to grace the small screen.
Beautiful girls with bodies so perfect that you will long to watch them again and again as they get fucked in every way possible. See what it takes to pry their gorgeous asses wide open."?

When asking fans what they want to see, you tend to get two different answers, one involving which performers they want and the second being the type of sex acts offered up. In this case, we have both with Jenna's
Depraved. While only a compilation of past works, the cast includes stars like Alexa Rae, Keri Sable, Stephanie Swift, and others in their prime so fans will likely get their moneys' worth compared to some of the more recent work Jenna has released for those of you wanting to see her get some meat.

Asian expert Rob Randell Asian
Creampies 1 will put his expertise to work deciphering if it is the first of many great orgasms to come or just a flash in the pan as far too many other niche titles have proven to be over the years. All we know for sure is that it was directed by Tony Porno and suggests it is a cut from the beaten path with: "Are you looking for new Asian girls?
Straight out of Asia, these tiny fuckdolls are filled with white cum for the very first time. Beautiful first time Asian girls show off their tiny bodies for you in far-East P.O.V. action. This is as real as porn gets, so don't miss it!"

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Spotlight Performer: Vanessa Blue

The reviewers here at X Critic have long appreciated performers of color as part of our regular diet of perversion so our latest performer is someone with a bit more color to her skin, smarts in her head, and flesh to her fine ass than most of our recent picks. Her performing name is Vanessa
Blue and she may very well be one of the busiest ladies in porn these days since she performs, she directs, and she has just opened up her own agency on the side so you'll pardon the sideways glance she may give you if you ask her how many jobs she has. One look at the sweet ebony curves on this gal and you'll forget about her extensive resume and focus in on how well she applies herself to all that she does, giving heated performances in Ass Worship 6.
Black Reign, Big Black Wet Asses, Hood
Hoppin', Hand Solo, and a multitude of roles like she had in Jack's Playground 18.

That she also found the time to direct numerous titles such as The Dominators, Superwhores 3, Black Reign 3, and Black Reign 4 (to name a few) speaks volumes for the young lady that grew up in nearby Beaumont, TX so here's a nod to this ebony queen of porn for everything she has done in the past and all that we expect of her in the future. If ever a gal was epitomized the Sir Mix-A-Lot classic, Baby Got Back, Vanessa Blue (AKA: Domina X) would be the one.

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Overlooked Titles

Don stuck with the basics when checking out Phatty Girls 5 by Justin Slayer for Evil Angel, saying "…the action was tight, the cast finer than frog hair, and the technical matters improved over the last time Justin offered up a volume in the series. I haven't seen all of his work but I think that fans of his style will definitely find this one to have a lot of replay value; not just because it was so lengthy but because the gals seemed to want to be doing what they did for the most part. Justin Slayer's Phatty Girls 5 was full of the kind of fuck for the buck value that fans are demanding these days and he deserves some credit for continually working on the mix to get it just right."

Rob is no stranger to interracial titles so when he praised Aurora Snow's Back 2 Black for Mayhem, some of sat up to listen as he claimed: "I thought this was a good release. The action was solid and the babes were all easy on the eyes. Overall, I think fans of interracial action should really appreciate this release. Especially since the action is a little more hardcore than most interracial releases." The ladies here included Aurora herself, Missy Monroe, Kelly Wells, Jayna Oso and Trina Michaels with some of the most reliable black studs in the business; making for a heated time by all.

Ass connoisseur Michael Vega, made it clear that Miss Phat Booty was a top notch thriller for your private parts when he told the world: "I'm a fan of thick women. LOVE women with plump, juicy asses that give me something to hold onto. Slight lighting issues aside, John, Diana and Bobby did a great job assembling the honeys on this disc. My fellow booty enthusiasts - waste no time seeking this disc out. 100% Brown Round Indeed!" Considering it lasted well over two hours and had some of the most attractive black gals in porn playing together, I can see why he thought this way.

Never forgetting that many of you enjoy young gals getting the hot hard one from a rainbow of colored dicks, Teens Need Chocolate Cum 2 seemed to combine two of the most popular genre's; interracial and barely legal, to offer a title that director David Luger could be proud to showcase as a tribute to his style. As the staff put
it: "The performances convinced me that the gals wanted to work with the men and with so much sex footage included, you really can't go wrong. In short, Teens Need Chocolate Cum 2 provided a great value for discerning consumers fed up with the false promises of the competition.
If you like your gals young and the dicks large (and black), this would be a solid choice for your collection…"

Rob then showed his versatility by taking on Big Black Wet Asses 2 for Elegant Angel too, with a fine crew of hot African American babes like Marie Luv, Mya Mason, Ayana Angel, Chloe Black, Lady Armani, and even Jada Fire in the bonus scene were subjected to the Thomas Zupko treatment of getting all oiled up and boned home by an assortment of horny male performers. As he put it, "I enjoyed this release. The scenes were all heated. They weren't smoking hot, but they were heated. The girls were all pretty attractive and the parts with the oil really added a nice touch."

We'd love to read your comments and feedback on this column, Send us your thoughts on other things you'd like to see in the space, or even random thoughts about the world of porn. Drop us a line at [email protected].

Contributors to The Blue Room this week were: Don Houston.