In Memory of August Ames on Her Birthday

August Ames was born on August 23, 1994, and died of suicide on December 5, 2017, at 23. I want to honor her memory and work and raise awareness about the mental diseases she struggled with.

August Ames was born in Nova Scotia, Canada. Her parents were both in the military, and August spoke openly about her complicated relationship with them. Ames alleged that her mother had bipolar disorder and that she was routinely sexually molested by her paternal grandfather when she was a child. Unfortunately, her father did not believe her and sent her away to live in a group home when she was 12 years old.

“A group home is a residence model of medical care for those with complex health needs. Residential treatment centers and other organized mental health care for children with emotional needs…[group homes] were considered largely inappropriate for many of the children who needed better community support services. Restructuring of these systems was proposed to promote better prevention and family support for children in mental health system.”

 

Before getting into porn at 19, she worked as a nanny, animal-assisted aide, and horseback trainer. As of November 2013, she performed in over 270 films, including productions by companies such as Brazzers, Elegant Angel, Evil Angel, Girlfriends Films, Jules Jordan Video, New Sensations, and Sweetheart Video.

On December 3^rd, 2017, August Ames tweeted:

“whichever (lady) performer is replacing me tomorrow for @EroticaXNews, you’re shooting with a guy who has shot gay porn, just to let cha know.  BS is all I can say🤷🏽‍♀️ Do agents really not care about who they’re representing? #ladirect I do my homework for my body🤓✏️🔍”

There’s not much to say about this tweet that hasn’t been said before. She followed the first wave of backlash with:

“NOT homophobic. Most girls don’t shoot with guys who have shot gay porn, for safety. That’s just how it is with me. I’m not putting my body at risk, i don’t know what they do in their private lives.”

And:

“How am I homophobic if I myself am attracted to women? Not wanting to have sex with gay men is not homophobic; they don’t want to have sex with me either👋 so byeeeee”

Nobody knows what she thought and felt when she tweeted about not wanting to perform with male porn stars who also do gay porn (“crossover” performers). Her choice of words is definitely emotional and reactionary, which means that her message will be hard to understand out of context. I’m not in the position to judge her choice or speak to the consequences it could have had on her career. But I strongly agree with what she said: “Not wanting to have sex with gay men is not homophobic….”

As a lesbian, I have a particular understanding of her statement. I don’t hate men or harbor any strong negative feelings about men. I think toxic masculinity is just as problematic as toxic femininity, and none of my opinions on any of these matters is related to my attraction to women.

August Ames died due to asphyxiation from hanging on December 5, 2017, a few days after she began being cyberbullied by people accusing her of being homophobic. Her husband, Evil Angel producer Kevin Moore, 43, asked for privacy in a statement to AVN, stating, “She meant the world to me.” Reporting her death was overly simplistic, considering that a few weeks earlier, she had opened up about having bipolar disorder on Holly Randall Unfiltered. There’s no way to corroborate this, but childhood emotional and sexual abuse is a risk factor for both disorders. August also talked to Holly Randall about how she was struggling to find a sex-work-conscious therapist. There are resources meant to help performers who find themselves in this position.

“A brutally simple narrative quickly formed around her suicide. Cyberbullies, the story went, drove Ames to kill herself after she tweeted about not wanting to work with “crossover” male porn stars who also made gay porn.”

It didn’t help that her husband, Kevin Moore, posted “the truth” about August’s death on her Twitter page six days after she died. He blamed cyberbullies for her death. Jon Ronson is the journalist who wrote “The Last Days of August” for his podcast because he believed there was more to it.

In his podcast, Ronson spoke about something violent that happened to August Ames in Las Vegas six weeks before she died:

“Ames did a scene with Russian porn star Markus Dupree, and his domineering style might have triggered her. Ames texted a friend, saying Dupree went "full on War Machine" on her. She was talking about Jon "War Machine" Koppenhaver, a professional fighter who brutally attacked his ex-girlfriend porn star Christy Mack and was sentenced to life in prison.”

Considering her history of emotional and sexual abuse, it is safe to assume that a brutal and domineering sex partner triggered childhood trauma and contributed to the decline of her mental health.

Mia Li, who was president of the Adult Performer Advocacy Committee (APAC) in 2017-2018, made the following statement:

“Since the tragedy of August Ames’s death, I’ve seen an outpouring of performers tweeting about their mental health issues to raise awareness. Stigma, fear, and trauma are inherited through generations and we need to combat that with education, nonviolent communication, and open mindedness. We need to not give into the reductive volatility of online communication often fueled by outsiders and see each other are the nuanced individuals we are.”

In her five-year career, August Ames was nominated for several awards, including a nomination for Female Producer of the year for the 2018 AVNs. She was a fan favorite because of her stunning looks, bubbly personality, and incredible talent. Fans and colleagues miss her. Rest in peace, August.