Did I Die and Wake Up in Twitter Hell?

After a few hours of going down this rabbit hole, I’m unsure where I started. I know I saw a random tweet that included a photo of Emily Ratajkowski in a bikini followed by a few hateful comments and thought, ‘what the actual fuck!?’

I couldn’t find the original tweet; thus, I can’t say it’s real, but this is where it all started for me. Some guy posted a photo of her in a bikini holding her baby with one hand with the following caption: ‘If she is going to hold your baby like this, don’t have a baby with her. Case closed.’ Granted, she’s not holding the baby’s head, but she is undoubtedly not endangering the baby. I wonder what expertise he believes he has that makes him feel entitled to make a statement like that.

It was followed by a comment that says: ‘At the very first place I don’t going to have a baby with whore who dresses like this!’ First of all, Sir, let your phone correct your grammar; spell check is automatic and free, and this is hard to read.  Second, she’s wearing a string bikini that isn’t particularly revealing and looks stunning. It’s safe to say that that woman you’re calling a whore would never even consider having a baby with an uneducated but-opinionated, misogynistic fool, so don’t worry about it.

A few weeks ago, I wrote an article that puts this interaction in perspective. The Madonna-Whore Complex is a psychological phenomenon first described by Sigmund Freud in 1925. Since then, little has changed. Freud explained that men can see a woman as a saintly Madonna figure (like Mary, they represent purity, virginity, love, innocence, etc.) or a debauched whore. Emily Ratajkowski isn’t a sex worker, but even if she were, what does that have to do with her mothering skills?

“If women were to walk around with their body count slapped on their foreheads, this world would be a better place.”

Would it? Maybe. Maybe it would make this world a better place full of enlightened people with an understanding of all the shades of gray that exist between virginity and debauchery.

It’s scary to see the advice men and women are getting online for issues they should be consulting with a professional. I understand that (apparently) most people are more conservative than I am. Some people want to be a virgin until they get married, just like a lot of men and women would agree with the idea that the number of sexual partners you’ve had matters and affects your future relationships. I can respect that even though I disagree. However, there’s an evident misogynist undertone to that tweet.

If you are having a hard time finding a partner, you should get advice from people who can help you grow, be a better person, and achieve your life goals. That could be a therapist, a priest, or a friend in a healthy relationship… stay away from people online who would say anything controversial enough to get retweeted and get tons of likes.

A dear friend always told me to stay away from people and situations that don’t facilitate my growth, enlightenment, and maturity. If people followed this advice, THAT would make the world a better place.

Here are a few other tweets I found that blew my mind. PLEASE, this is the worst advice I’ve ever read/heard, so DO NOT follow it if you want women to respect you as a human and partner. I did not include information about the author because I refuse to direct anyone to that bullshit.

“How to attract a beautiful girl: 1. Treat her like she’s average.”

Manipulating a woman’s self-esteem and self-worth when you’re getting to know her will NOT make her like you more. I actually agree with the next one, but it’s missing something.

“Dear men,

Never eat at the table where respect, love & support aren’t served.”

Nobody, meaning neither men nor women, should have to settle and live without respect, love, and support from their partner/partners.

“If she into you, she will forgive all your mistake

If she into you, she will follow you irrespective of whether you are heading towards darkness or light.”

It may not surprise you that this little gem of wisdom was posted by the same guy that called Emily Ratajkowski a whore for wearing a bikini. Considering he posted a ridiculous chart today about how “non-virgin leads to divorces” where 0-1 partner is labeled as “virgin” and 2+ partners is labeled “whore,” it’s ironic that he expects a woman to forgive all his mistakes and follow him into darkness.

Having multiple sexual partners, regardless of your and their gender, is, most often than not, not a mistake. We all make choices, and if we ever forgive and follow another person into darkness or light, it should be because they’ve earned loyalty and respect.

I refuse to forgive and submit because I was born with a vagina. Unless the person is wearing leather or latex, in which case, I’ll consider it.

“Mind fuck her, body fuck her and then you OWN HER SOUL. To mind fuck her, you just have to understand her mind. A woman’s communication is the window into seeing how her mind operates…”

So far, so good!

“…so being able to decipher the truth behind her words is essential.”

Let me be perfectly clear; DO NOT try to “decipher” any “truth” behind anyone’s words. If you think someone isn’t being honest, don’t pretend to have superpowers because you can’t possibly know what’s inside another person’s mind. If you CAN, I dare say you wouldn’t find yourself in this predicament. This tweet concerned me the most because it’s one thing to have paradoxical expectations of what is expected of men and women in a relationship. That is normal in many cultures. But knowing that some men are looking for hidden messages in what women say means they might not understand and accept that no means no.

Unfortunately, I wrote this article which means this rabbit hole wasn’t a bad dream. Men, women, and everybody in between should be allowed to find their sweet spot between being a Madonna and being a whore. Neither is intrinsically good or bad, and I recognize and respect how culture and religion influence our understanding of gender roles, especially for women. Just don’t be a dick if you expect love and respect.