Contraception Before Fetuses Became a Fetish

Thanks to SCOTUS, It’s Forward into the Past!

Once upon a time, there was a United States of America before Griswold v. Connecticut. That time was 1965 and prior. Until that case was settled, women in the United States could not legally access contraception even if they were married. Further, 26 states specifically prohibited unmarried women from using birth control. Imagine what that would do to date night in the early 21^st century. If things continue as they are with the Supreme Court of the United States, we won’t have to imagine it because it will be our new reality.

Given the revival of the Civil War era call for “states’ rights,” our contraceptive options may come to depend upon what state we live in since deep blue states are unlikely to cave to far-right demands without a fight. This is good news for not just the people of those states, but also their economies since women can continue working and fully participating in the daily activities of modern life without being forced to accept the unnecessary fear of pregnancy.

But what if you are a woman stuck in a red state for some unfathomable reason? What are your options if this most basic right to physical autonomy is stripped from your heterosexual couplings? Everything old is new again and here are a few of the methods used by women before secular scientific knowledge and reliable chemical contraception became realities.

As someone with a vagina and uterus, I warn you that some of these are brutal and of more than questionable safety and value. But women were once so desperate to prevent pregnancy that they were willing to take the risks. Remember that when you cast your next vote.

The oldest and possibly most trust-based form of contraception is, of course, the withdrawal method. This merely requires the male to get his dick the hell out of Dodge just when it feels best being there. That seems simple enough. How could it fail? Somehow practice does not prove as perfect in reality as it did on the storyboard, so women developed plenty of plant-based solutions to their fertility problems.

Silphium: The Ancient Greeks and Romans used silphium for contraceptive purposes. A fennel-like plant used to season food, the poor little thing no longer exists because it was harvested to extinction and Sarah Mclachlan had not been born yet to sing sad songs during a commercial raising funds for it. Although it could be ingested, some women also soaked cotton or lint in the juices of silphium and then inserted it into their vaginas. Once the ancients killed off all the silphium they turned to the dried latex from the taproot of the Ferula herb. Alas, too much of its resulting asafoetida and you are dead.

Honey and Acacia: A spoonful of sugar may help the medicine go down, but Egyptian women hoped that a mixture of honey acacia fruit leaves soaked in lint or cotton and then inserted into the vagina would work as a spermicide.

Crocodile Dung: Hard to come by in the States, crocodile dung was a lot more available for Egyptian and Mesopotamian women hoping to avoid pregnancy. Mixed with other ingredients to form a pessary, the wedge was then inserted into the vaginal canal. If all went well, no infections or babies resulted. In India and areas of what we in States call the Middle East, elephant feces replaced crocodile dung, which provides us with some options if things go Deep South.

Poisonous Chemicals: Where would women’s reproductive history be without poisonous chemicals? Whether it was drinking lead, mercury, arsenic, or using a more modern Lysol douche, women have put some nasty stuff into their bodies over the centuries in hopes of spacing the kids out and maybe squeezing in a few quality years of life for themselves. Instead, chances are good that a lot of women suffered brain damage or died young from kidney and lung failure.

Douches: It seems ironic that so many women over the centuries have used douches or vaginal suppositories to avoid growing the seed of so many men who have been douches themselves. Some women used olive oil and cedar oils vaginally to slow down sperm speed, thus buying time for douches of lemon juice, seawater, or vinegar to wash the combination away. And, of course, the previously mentioned Lysol douches, many of which ended in poisonings and even death.

These are not all the desperate measures that women have taken over the ages to have some control over their reproductive lives. There are also stones and garlic inserted in the vagina, Queen Anne’s Lace ingested and hopefully not mistaken with hemlock, and Hippocrates’ brilliant suggestion that women drink copper saltwater.

Given the advances in contraceptive science and progressive sexual values, I do not anticipate an overturn of Griswold v. Connecticut in spite of Justice Clarence Thomas’ encouraged assault on it. But, people who have uteruses that might accommodate life, know your options, know your rights, and vote like your fucking future depends on it, because it does.