From Phallic Stones to Strokers: History of Sex Toys

“Sex toys have been buzzing around for centuries.”

A lot has been said about how the history of sex toys is linked to feminism and women’s liberation; about the social issues that dictate whether it’s right or wrong for women to use sex toys to explore and get to know their bodies. You know, the same people who would dare argue that “sex is for reproduction,” etc.

But today, I’m focusing on fun facts, not serious social issues (boo, I know). So let’s talk phallic-shaped stones, baguette dildos, bronze strap-ons, straw sex dolls, steam-powered fuck machines, and Fleshlights.

There’s evidence of objects from 35,000 to 40,000 years ago that might have been used in fertility ceremonies, or maybe they were considered erotic art or, in some cases, sex toys. There’s no way to know, but we do know that there are particular objects that today would be used for masturbation.

Source: https://allthatsinteresting.com/history-of-sex-toys

This penis-shaped artifact is a generous eight inches long. It dates back to 28,000-29,000 years ago, when Neanderthals lived in the Swabian Jura region of what is now Germany. Maybe it’s something in German terroir that has always made them so kinky! There’s no evidence that points to this being used as a dildo, and it could have been used to start fires. But seriously, say you find this on my nightstand; is “oh, Ariana must be trying to learn how to start fires” the first thing that would cross your mind?

Ancient dildos were made out of everything from stone (ouch!), bone, and wood.

Ancient Greeks were famously and deliciously perverted. And apparently, they have a long history of engineering sex toys. Greek soldiers made olisbokollix. Olisbos means dildo, and kollix refers to a loaf of bread. I can’t see myself using a dildo made out of bread, but before going to war, Greek soldiers would make olisbokollix for their wives, so they had something to use to pleasure themselves while they were away. They did use olive oil as lube, but I’m thinking snack, not sex toy.

The Han Dynasty was ruling China on the eastern side of the world. Around 206-220 AD, it had become one of the most powerful and advanced civilizations in the ancient world, and they put their technology to good use.

According to Fan Zhang (co-curator of the Tomb Treasures exhibition at the Asian Art Museum in San Francisco), those massive bronze artifacts are strap-on dildos.

“They were all definitely made for use, and we can speculate on their various bases how they were worn. They’re all bespoke, and the one we have here might have been laced into place with leather or silk thongs, though it’s not clear if they were designed for men or women- they’re not heavy at all….”

According to records, ancient Chinese peasant women also used penis-shaped roots as dildos and called it the “Cantonese groin.” But much more interestingly, men used something they called “Burmese balls.” They made tiny bell or ball-shaped objects out of copper or gold, which were supposed to contain the sperm of a mythical Burmese bird who had a famous sexual appetite.

Men inserted the balls into their penises so they would enjoy sex more. Has swallowing a Viagra ever seemed simpler?

They also used jade butt plugs to avoid bodily essences like chi from leaving the body. Now I know what to do next time I feel like I’m leaking energy.

Seamen made these dames de voyage out of straw into something with a human form dressed in women’s clothing. It was common around the 17th century and was likely one of the first sex dolls.

Source: https://9gag.com/gag/agY6r6x

This is the original fuck machine. It was called The Manipulator and was invented by an American man in 1869. It was intended for medical use to cure a woman’s “hysteria.” No wonder there were so many “hysterical” women… there were probably just as many selfish lovers.

The Manipulator and other steam-powered vibrators were sold (and are still marketed as) cures for pain and anxiety and to help with weight loss. I suppose they weren’t lying as much as omitting one of the possible applications of this artifact.

In the 1960s, Japan came out with the Hitachi Wand. It was meant to be “solely used” for health care purposes. As you may notice in the packaging, it’s still marketed and sold as a massager. Hitachi rebranded it as “Magic Wand” to distance the company from a known sex toy.

Around this time, men started using more toys like sex dolls since they started being marketed in magazines.

Did you know that the first Fleshlight was designed in 1995 (patented in 1998) as a device for sperm collection from sperm donors? Of course, the inventors quickly realized the product’s potential and started selling it.

This (literally) incredible variety is just part of what’s available today. I really love that porn stars are making molds of their dicks, vaginas, assholes, and mouths so that their fans can use them while they watch their scenes. 10/10 for whoever thought of that one!

Technology evolves SO fast and has changed so much in the last few years (think luxury sex toys, incredibly realistic sex dolls, VR) that I’m going to need an entire article to talk about the sex toys available today.

And one last thought… If health insurance covers fake Viagra for men who struggle to stay hard, it should also cover vibrators for women who struggle to stay wet. JUST SAYING.