Packing a Basic S/M Toy Bag

A Skinny List for Quick Sensation Party Packing.

While not every therapist or counselor understands it, more people than ever are openly exploring their kinkier sides. Whether this means that your slap and tickle have more slap than tickle, although the power of the tickle should never be underestimated. Whether it means your collection of colored rope and carabiners isn’t just for rock climbing, there’s a basic kit that can get you through almost any opportunity to indulge in your dirty, filthy, nasty, fabulous fucking personal form of kink magic.

For now, we’ll focus on S/M implements. But first, I’ll explain what S/M means. Contrary to the club circuit rumors, this does not stand for Spaniards and Mexicans. It is an abbreviation for Sadism and Masochism. While we could talk for hours about the psychology and history of those words, the important thing is that they play on the binary of sensation extremes.

In other words, someone performs an action on another person, generally in a percussive or restrictive manner, and that other person receives the action. In general, because with kink there are a lot of caveats, this kind of physical play is often just that: physical.

In most cases, the performative member is “Topping” because they enjoy consensually causing discomfort or pain. In most cases, the receptive member is “bottoming” because they enjoy receiving an unorthodox sensation of some sort. For instance, spanking, flogging, paddling, figging (look it up), or bondage.

While having expensive toys or innocent-looking pervertibles can be important when aiming to impress the tourists, a good toy bag includes some “vanilla” basics. Among them:

• Safer Sex Supplies: Depending on what you anticipate doing, pack plenty of condoms, dental dams, gloves (latex-free), and water-soluble lubricants. Sexual contact doesn’t just mean intercourse, so seriously consider using one or more of these if you’re going to fist, finger, or lick anyone (especially their asshole), share toys or move them from one orifice to another, cut or pierce or otherwise risk contact with risky body fluids, especially if anyone has abrasions, cuts, or an unknown STI status.
• General Safety Supplies: These are items that will bail your butt out in an emergency. Better prepared parties will have items like a small First Aid Kit and a fire extinguisher, but if unsure, don’t take the risk. Whatever your decision, items like a flashlight and/or other non-electricity-dependent light source (a tap light or blackout light, for instance) can be essential if something is dropped in low light. Things like rubbing alcohol (70%), alcohol wipes, and paramedic scissors are excellent investments both for their cleaning abilities and possible use within a scene. If you use anything that locks (like a collar or cuffs) make sure you have a backup key. Keep your safety supplies in the same room or nearby you during your scene because the safety equipment can’t keep you safe if you can’t get to them in time.

Now that we’ve done what we can to make sure that we or the person we play with doesn’t die, we can pack the toy portion of the toy bag. As above, what we pack will depend in part on what we plan to do. 

• Bondage: If binding or being bound is your cup of spiced chai a nice assortment of restrictive devices includes duct, vinyl or adhesive tape, plastic wrap, and soft and flexible rope, including common clothesline. If you’re going to go the distance and venture into suspension bondage, make sure you know what the weight limit for your ropes is. Cut or buy your ropes in multiples of six feet but generally not longer than 24 feet. When not using rope, leather restraints are a more comfortable alternative to metal hand or ankle cuffs. Gags and blindfolds can further build the intensity of an encounter by limiting visual signals and making communication complex. With gags, make sure that the wearer can breathe and that it can be quickly removed in case there’s a problem. Be aware of the potential for drool and plan around how little/much you want to deal with.
• Sensation Play: It’s hard to list all the different kinds of sensation play available, but here are a few basic facts we can probably all agree on. Sensations range from “thuddy” to “stingy” to “intense” to “mild.” A quick list of common tools of the trade should prove inspirational. They include clothespins, menthol-containing rubs, leather straps, belts and laces, ice cubes, a flat hairbrush, soy candles, feathers, scraps of fur, rulers and/or paint stirrers, snake bite kit suction cups, wooden spoons, nipple clamps, paddles, floggers, canes, crops, and whips. Keep in mind personal preferences for “thuddy” (wider tails/surfaces) or “stingy” (narrower surfaces or pointed tails) when making selections.

Your toy bag doesn’t have to contain all these things, but hopefully this gives you an idea what some of the things you can put into your toy back are. Many of the items are available through mainstream means, but specialty merchants will likely be necessary for more exotic items. These may be found online or at kink-related conferences, parties, and workshops.

In addition to all the fun implements of nerve stimulation, remember to use good judgment, compassion, communication including an agreement on safewords, and courtesy. Just because we’re going to be mean to one another doesn’t mean we can’t be mindful about it.