Deciphering the Hanky Code

Know Your Pockets and Avoid an Unpleasant Surprise.

Oh, straight people! What are we going to do with you? You want so hard to be cool. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Not everybody can be queer, but everyone can learn new ways to communicate and connect in the hopes of getting laid. Like many other aspects of queer culture, the so-called Hanky Code is fun, effective, and fashion-forward. Alas, it is also often done unintentionally by straight men. This can cause social awkwardness.

It's my aim to help people avoid social awkwardness and provide both content providers and consumers with useful information about messages they may be sending by accident or want to start sending on purpose.

First, some history:

While it’s far less scary to be openly gay in a predominantly heterosexual world now than it has been, there remains risk, especially for trans folk. The origin of the Hanky Code is the stuff of detail-debated legend, but the important fact is that it grew out of a need for men with same-sex attractions to identify each other in public. There was no Grindr. There was no internet. There were no pop-up ads featuring hot twinks sucking the dicks of weathered, muscular men in chaps. There was just a world that wanted anyone who couldn’t obey a narrow path of behavior to drop dead, go to jail, or spend time in a mental hospital.

Some think early gay motorcycle clubs introduced the use of different colored hankies to signal interests and roles. Others propose that men returning home from service during World War II were the first. Further disagreement exists about whether the unique way to clarify intent and interest was developed in New York City or San Francisco. What we do know for sure is that by the 1970s, the use of handkerchiefs in back pockets to “flag” was becoming common enough to justify lesbian-feminist BDSM group Samois creating and distributing a leather dyke hanky code booklet that proved quite popular. Others recall San Francisco shops in the early 1970s promoting colored hankies with cards that stated their meanings.

Ultimately, what matters is that the code became familiar to those cruising the streets and the leather bars of the USA and beyond. It’s used less often today since online communication makes it easier to find people who like the same kinds of kinky activities, but any night at The Eagle is likely to see a lot of Red, Black, and possibly Yellow hankies.

Now, some colorful language:

Before we talk colors, let’s briefly talk back pockets. The pocket you slip your hanky or hankies into will say a lot about what you’re into and looking for, so make sure you’re saying what you mean. There are still occasional regional differences in which side means what, so if you’re uncertain, find out fast. Asking may be informative but paint you as new meat, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. If you don’t have a hanky, the rule of thumb is pretty much that whatever you do use means one thing if it’s on one side and means the other thing if it’s on the other side.

Left: Hankies tucked into the left pocket signify that the wearer is a Top or a Dom. This means that they want to be the person receiving a service or performing an action.

Right: Hankies tucked into the right pocket signify that the wearer is a bottom or a submissive. This means that they want to be the person receiving an action or performing a service.

As you can see, knowing your left from your right pocket can be important unless you’re a switch willing to flip a coin. Or maybe even flip a scene. Flagging with both pockets is also possible for the greedy, ambitious, or opinionated. Femmes without pockets may find it helpful to use a wrist.

Black: S&M. If you’re looking for some sadism or masochism, this is your hanky. Remember which pocket you’ve put it into, though!

Dark Gray: Bondage. Wanna tie someone up or get tied up by someone? The old gray lady is your hanky.

Red: Fisting/Handballing. If you don’t like having someone’s hand in your pussy or your ass, or like putting your hand in either of those places, this is not the hanky for you. Wearing this hanky by accident or in the wrong pocket could easily generate some of that social awkwardness I mentioned earlier. Red hankies are among the earliest hankies used for cruising.

Light Blue: Oral Sex. Not everyone likes to give or receive oral sex. I do not understand those people, but they exist. They will not be flagging for fellatio or cunnilingus. But those who do flag are going to be enthusiasts. Blue hankies appear to have been popular since the beginning of hanky flagging.

Dark Blue: Anal Sex. This may come as a shock, but not all gay men engage in anal sex and those who do aren’t necessarily doing it with their romantic partners. Non-monogamy is a handy solution for Top-Top or bottom-bottom pre-existing relationships. Another shocking factoid is that the stigma against heterosexual anal sex, including pegging, has decreased, meaning this may be an increasingly useful dating tool for the straight crowd. Unsurprisingly, dark blue hankies have a long history within gay male culture.

Yellow: Piss Play/Watersports. People have a visceral response to body fluid play and pee has a bad rap. It’s far more sanitary than people realize and comes in a wide variety of scents and flavors depending on biology and fluid intake. Urine can be worn or drunk. Anyone who’s had a colonoscopy has had worse in their mouth, so don’t act all grossed out.

Brown: Scat/Shit. Now, this is definitely not my thing and, I confess, something that grosses me out. I, therefore, give you permission to be grossed out, too. Just try not to kink shame, because it’s somebody’s thing and they’re probably sensitive about it. Play can be as simple as wearing it or part of a complex mind fuck that never sees you actually touch anything icky. If you are not into potty play of some sort, avoid the brown hanky at all costs.

Orange: Anything Goes. This is a case where the color seen is an illusion because orange is red. As in a red flag. A person who claims they have no boundaries or safewords with a stranger either doesn’t know what is possible or doesn’t care. Run the other way.

Language evolves and the Hanky Code is a language. Because of this, some colors have developed nuances and others have been added as needs have been identified and acted upon. For instance, black and white check signals that you are a safer sex Top or bottom. In 1983, Larry Townsend had the second edition of his 1972 book The Leatherman’s Handbook reprinted with a list of hankies and their associated meanings. While not a definitive guide to the topic, it provides an excellent place to start.

Remember, the goal of the Hanky Code is to have fun. “Fun” is assumed to include some aspect of sexuality, of course, which means networking with other human beings. Now that you know the power you hold in your back pockets, please use it for good, by which I mean wisely. Don’t flag when you don’t mean to flag and be kind to those who have not yet learned the power of their back pockets, for they are sending out crazy messages about what they want from life and up their ass.