Morning Wood

· Bruce Willis celebrated his 70th birthday by huffing rails off Lindsay Lohan's ass. Okay, if that were true, our jobs would be a cakewalk. Bruce Willis is not 70. Instead, Willis and 18-year-old Lohan were reportedly seen engaging in a public grope-fest that exposed ass, revealed a tattoo and adjourned to a hotel room. Today, publicists on both sides are in denial, as are we. We're still trying to get "touch my ass and balls" out of our heads, and now this
Lindsay Lohan's New Daddy Issues (NY Post; Defamer)

· This image makes it all better: Angelina Jolie really really likes lesbian sex and has two lovers. From any old heiress, that's a yawner, but from Jolie
that's chicken soup (or something similarly warm and wet) for our bruised libidos. (sky.com)

· Blah blah blah
sex tape
blah blah blah
Er, we mean we're really deeply sorry that the Elizabeth Jagger sex tape will never see the light of day. Don
t worry, we'll be just fine. (Boston Herald)

· We won
t let the interns see this one, because we are so much like the porn-lovin' beer-swillin' version of Madonna it's sick. Madonna Sued Over Sexual Harassment (Zap2It, by way of Defamer)

· First it was don
t drink the Kool-Aid, now there's something in the brownies? Well, we aren't averse to getting some in our mouths now and then, but we don't think we want our pastries spiked with come, thanks. Semen-frosted brownies (BoingBoing)

· But then again, maybe he was just testing out a new recipe for the authors of Natural Harvest Cooking: An Inspirational Collection of Semen Based Recipes. (@ cookingwithcum.com)

· It's far too early for us to worry about what's in our breakfast; we'd rather just wake up and watch cartoons. Velma, we always knew you were the dirty one. Toon Pr0n (Sensible Erection) V.B.