Morning Wood

· We'd love to start off the week with news of a bona fide First Niece Lauren Bush nipple slip, but alas: gently retouched year-old photos do not a wardrobe malfunction make. (Drunken Stepfather)

· When is sex not really sex? Why, when it's oral sex, of course. Makes sense to us! (abc.net.au)

· Say what you will about Sarah Jessica Parker and her short-lived career as a Gap spokesmodel, but at least she wasn't jailbait. (Daily Mail, via Adrants)

· Ace tech reporter April Floos uncovers hidden Alyssa Milano porn in Microsoft Office support files. No, really! (extremetech.com)

· Meanwhile, Madonna stars in long-lost student film "in which she gargles with some raw egg ... in a bikini". Surely this must count as porn for someone out there? (Screenhead)

· There's vintage porn, and then there's vintage porn. (No, Madonna doesn't star in this one.) (Guardian)