BigMuscle(Bears): A Consumer Guide

In our quest to outsource a feature we've been too lazy to keep up with diversify our range of editorial voices, we’re pumped and bearish to introduce a new guest columnist for our semi-regular Big Muscle of the Week post: each Wednesday in April, frequent Fleshbot tipster Joe Clark will quill, or rather key, the Consumer Guide to BigMuscle(Bears). So without further ado ...

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Consumer Guide to BigMuscle(Bears): Episode 1
by Joe Clark

It’s spring (though, sadly, not in Australia), and a young man’s fancy turns to ... oh, I don’t know, tank tops and so on. Not on oneself, of course; that’s what we have the Internet for.

Herewith some links to notable (indeed bookmarkable) profiles at BigMuscle and BigMuscleBears, with an additional diamond also identified. I’ll tend to shy away from fellows who use BM(B) as a de facto blog with added nudism; real gay bloggers use BM(B) as an adjunct for “dating” (viz. Bald Sarcasm, Joe· My·God, LittleMinx, all of whom refer to said gay blogs in their BM profiles).

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Woofboy (né HairyCocksman)
A bald Franco-Ontarian living in Vancouver. Where do I sign, right? Sadly, (a) he’s circumcised and (b) he’s already got some old guy putting him in his place. (I’d buy the video.) Makes a fetching spectacle in a leather short pantalon.

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Eclectic
BigMuscle is a kind of J. Crew catalogue for gays. Let me rephrase that – for gays shopping for new tattoo designs. You may not match Eclectic’s alopecia (please, God, let it be totalis!); neither may you duplicate the yellow umbra around his bright-blue-and-red chest illustration.

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MuscledNewYorker
Somebody on BigMuscle simply has to be a specialist in diagnostic imaging. Run me an MRI, will you, and tell me which region of the brain responds so strongly to perfect proportions? Because, like a few cells in my hypothalamus, that region is larger than average.

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BoulderBikerGuy
Bodybuilding Ph.D.s tend toward titanic egotism even more often than bodybuilding master’s students. But here’s one guy whose donorcycle I’d be happy to ride. “Potential fuckmates should preferably identify as gay... and should be ‘out.’ [...] Colorado seems to be full of ‘discreet’ (or worse, the misspelled ‘discrete’) men, a term I identify with the closeted, homophobic, and dishonest.”

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Pick hit(s):

SFCouple
Lovers, with an apparently perfect life, whose photographs synæsthetically impart a powerful tactility. Superb tattoos. Their science-fiction-quality dungeon includes a ceiling-mounted sling with apparently excellent ergonomics.

– Joe Clark is the only man to write about making porn accessible to people with disabilities, tussle with Fleshbot’s owner, and write a 4,600-word critique of BigMuscle(Bears).com’s nonstandard HTML.

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Previously: Big Muscle of the Week Archives