Morning Wood

Good morning dear readers—Violet Blue here with a delightfully hot 'n turgid Morning Wood on my hands. I'll be your captain on today's flight; so please sit back, relax, and let me adjust your seat belt... I promise to keep my uniform on all day. -V. Blue

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· Leave it to eBay to stoke our already heated imgainations with thoughts of Jenna Jameson and cheerleaders cavorting through our heads. However, when dreams like this come true, it's hard not to think someone's playing a cruel joke on us, somewhere... "Club Jenna Sponsors Cheerleading Squad" (AVN)

· Oh no, they didn't. Oh yes, they did. It's possible we haven't seen a video this filthy (literally) in a long time: Greenpeace presents "Mr. and Mrs. Smith". And all this time we thought "lapdog" was a term of endearment. (boardsmag.com, via Screenhead)

· But when you name a character "Cooter", aren't you just asking for it? Tell me someone with a dirty mind didn't invent the Rosco P. Coltrane jackoff action figure. (toymania.com, via Sexblo.gs)

· Well, at least the good news this morning is that I can stop shaving my palms and focus more on shaving my... legs. Sam Sugar explores the pernicious evils of porn in "Boils, Blindness and other Blarney—9 Anti-Porn Myths Debunked". But hey, maybe if Judith Reisman wasn't so blasted on "erototoxins" from all that porn she watches, she could save some money on razors, too. (sugarbank.com)

· We seriously doubt we'll be seeing this vagina-scented cologne reinvent itself in Jessica Simpson's "Dessert" line of flavored body scents, but we can dare to dream that one day we can smear ourselves with edible body glitter in "Pussy". In the meantime, we'll have to settle for Vulva Original perfume. (riechmichund.com, via Sensible Erection)

· And while we were a tad dissapointed that the models in "Watch me Change" don't bare all in the final bump 'n grind, we were totally amused by playing with their breast and ass size, facial structure and clothing—not to mention the hilariously wacked dance moves lifted right out of Robot Chicken. (watchmechange.com)

· Remember a while back when we told you about how 70% of the world's sex toys are made in China? If you hurry, you can still attend the "Adult Toys & Reproductive Health Exhibition (Adult Expo)", that is if the Great Firewall of China doesn't scare you away. (adult-expo.cn)