Morning Wood

Madonna flexes her mighty legal asscrack; sex scenes with (shudder) Jeff Goldblum; an odd sex survey; Ron Jeremy cares about your pussies and bitches; twins in bikinis and much more after the jump. V. Blue

· Maybe Madonna can't crush a beer can between her asscheeks the way she used to—but now that her knickers are in a twist over a lingerie line bearing her name and 80s style, the designers of a new lingerie line might get crushed in court. (timesonline.co.uk)

· Entertainment Weekly, ever at the forefront of hip sex sensibility, excretes a top ten list of embarrasing sex scenes from Hollywood films, likely because a rank and file list of their editors' sex scenes involve way more hookers and blow than Andy Dick's. Wait, that sounds fun. Warning: the first image just looks like Dick making out with Jeff Goldblum. (ew.com)

· Still images from the set of "Workout With The Twins" on the set of TwinsTV is totally news, right? Okay, maybe it's more of a human interest story, where the human part is all the skin and the interest is in all the pictures of their bikini-clad karate kicks. (Um, who are they exactly?) (dailyceleb.com, registration requ'd for hi-res photos)

· In a very unscientific sex survey by JoseyVogels.com, almost half the respondents claim to masturbate every day. It's good to know we beat someone at something around Fleshbot Central. (hour.ca)

· Ron Jeremy chews off own giant limb to escape PETA trap? Well, at least that's what the handcuffs suggest to me... "Because He Really Couldn't Be Opposed To Fur", "The Hedgehog Says 'Stop'" (Gawker + Wonkette)

· Walking by the Virgin Megastore tonight on Market Street I had a blinding vision of a studly angel descending from the heavens in tighty whities... but then the cough syrup creared for a minute and I realized I was staring at the gigantic crotch of a Colt porn star. Sure makes the neighboring Apple store look ... er, like it better have some lube handy. (Xbiz)

· Some dicks were made for sitting on. But I think a giant bean bag cock might require a little lube. (we-make-money-not-art.com)

· Taking a page form David Lynch—or maybe my own fevered dreams about a childhood stuffed animal collection and Zoolande—this Bangkok lingerie fashion show proves that a big frog head is totally the sex accessory this season. Somehow I doubt Doc Johnson will seize this particular marketing opportunity ... (sxxxy.org)

Thumbnail via MadonnaShots

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