Porn Valley Dispatch

"I have a forty-foot pussy," said Jesse Jane about the big-screen premiere of Digital Playground/Adam & Eve's "Pirates" last night. Penthouse Pet Sam Phillips added, "This will aid in clinical research." Mind the gap.- G. Ponante

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The last premiere I attended at Hollywood's Egyptian Theatre was for, I think, the Christian Bale/Alice Krige/dragon vehicle "Reign of Fire". "Pirates" was so much better.

For one thing, at last night's star-squirted event I got a ticket for free popcorn.

I can safely say that 99 percent of that audience had never watched a porn movie all the way through, and none of the cast had ever watched their parts on a display that large, or with so many people. At the first "pop shot," the audience cheered.

With a budget that is bound to hurt—owing to the cross-platform Digital Playground/Adam & Eve co-production and remaindered special effects from 1997—the "Pirates" special edition 3-disc DVD will retail for about 50 bucks (which is less than gay DVDs or titles featuring actual pirates and plank-walking fetishists).

(The head-scratcher is why the only DVD thus far released is a "special edition".)

My thoughtful review will come later, but I will say that Evan Stone is porn's Leslie Nielsen and Steven St. Croix is its Vince Vaughn. Jesse Jane is an athlete who deserves every bit of fame she has, and there are at least three unguarded moments in "Pirates" in which Carmen Luvana does not look evil, and the scene between her and Jesse made me want to be one of their anachronistic tattoos.

· "Pirates" (piratesxxx.com)
· "Pirates" Premiere Gallery (gramponante.com)

Preorder: "Pirates" (Adult DVD Empire)

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Previously: "Pirates", Porn Valley Dispatch Archive