Morning Wood

This is the bestest Morning Wood, evah. Just in time for the new video iPod, the HOWTO you'll never see in Make Magazine (sorry Phillip!); MP3 breast implants (maybe); Crusing For Sex sues PayPal over Hurricane Katrina donations; a truly weird/cool food sex chart; a sign fucker's dream site; nerd porn because you asked for it; a dirty advertising roundup; a plea from us girls for Minnesota Vikings sex party pics; Vivid porn star Savanna Samson comes out about her ghostwritten new book; and those nagging FCC rules, after the jump. V. Blue

· In addition to Apple's new line of sex toys, I mean video iPods, it's clear that nothing comes without a price: but if you want to come watching porn on your new video iPod, follow this HOWTO: Put Porn on Your iPod guide. Let's hope Apple's next announcement includes iLube... (diveintomark.org, via sexblo.gs)

· And sure, by now we've all seen the questionable Ananova item about being able to listen to sexy podcasts in your new MP3 breast implants (!), but leave it to Russell Buckley to soften my Morning Wood, if just a tiny bit. (Ananova, Mobhappy, thanks Carlo)

· Remember when PayPal froze the accounts over at Cruising For Sex for attempting to take donations to help Hurricane Katrina victims? Now Cruising For Sex is suing, and may the force (of a hurricane) be with them. (theinquirer.net)

· I often get hungry while I'm working, and those little penis gummies and chocolate nipples don't always satisfy; which is why I'm delighted to present the most bizarre sex food pyramid, or something, I've seen in a long time. (Cockeyed, thanks Courtney)

· And since that last tip was sent by a sign fetishist, it only serves to offer up the site dedicated to fucking with signs: Fuck This Website. Their new tome "Fuck This Book" is out too, and I love it. (fuckthiswebsite.com, Amazon)

· If one more of you naughty geeks sends me this Nerd Porn Auteur, I'll withold the iPod porn for a week. Well, I'll try to, anyway. I have to love quotes like, "If you're an intelligent woman is interested in breaking into the adult film industry, and if you can tell me the name of Luke Skywalker's home planet, then you are hired."(ernestcline.com, thanks horny BoingBoing readers)

· Happy orifice-sniffing sibling Gawker reminds me that it's not just the geeks who need to get served in the right ways; advertising nerds have needy genitals, too. "Television
s Commercial Orgasm gets Messy, Angers Viewers" and many other greatest hits await you. Though I'm sorta surprised my potty-mouthed older sis failed to mention the "Silly Squirts" campaign... (gawker.com)

· I've been getting emails about the Minnesota Vikings' seafaring sex party on a boat since Wednesday (from girls, y'all), but even though reports are in that pictures were taken, the internets have yet to cough 'em up. Send me your pictures and video, and I'll post it all here. (Minnesota Star Tribune)

· And while those of us in the book-writing and editing community are about to keel over from shock at the news (irony), it seems that porn starlet Savanna Samson is not the author of the new Vivid-Thunders Mouth Press book bearing her byline and claims readers are being misled. Even money that the ghostwriter is lurking around here somewhere, hello Oddjack... (thebookstandard.com)

· And yes, this week the FCC doled out its statutes and rules regarding the broadcast of obscene, indecent, and profane programming. Making everything, you know, as clear as mud. (fcc.gov)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives