Porn Valley Dispatch: Cake or Death?

Doc Johnson's bedside manner is lacking; I don't need to be made aware of my own mortality.

At issue is the novelty company's new product, a cakelike simulacrum of Vivid Girl Monique Alexander's below-holes called the UR3 Pocket Pal. "The novelty is an exact replica," the press release warns, "cast directly from a mold of Alexander's body!" Mind the gap. (In more ways than one.)- G. Ponante

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UR, or "Ultra-Realistic" technology was employed to make Ms. Alexander's doppelbanger lifelike, and the boys at Doc Johnson Labs add that the material was "scientifically formulated to feel and respond like human flesh."

If it responds like human flesh, Gentlemen, then I needn't remind you that it will wither and rot as we all must do. Though the orgasm is rightly called Le Petit Mort, I for one am not willing to look into my destiny every time I enter Ms. Alexander's Stygian parts. No matter how much the Siren tempts me.

· Doc Johnson Novelties (docjohnson.com)
· Monique Alexander Galleries: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 (TGP/preview galleries via Ask Jolene)

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Previously: Meet Monique Alexander, Rubber Pussy Challenge, Porn Valley Dispatch Archive