DVD Review: ‘The Contractor’

Daniel Dakota's unflinching vision of sex in the building trades is as potent now as when it was filmed over three days in August of 2005. Carmen Luvana, Austyn Moore, and Charmane Star prove that a working class hero is still something to be. - G. Ponante

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The Contractor

Studio: Adam & Eve
Director: Daniel Dakota
Cast: Carmen Luvana, Austyn Moore, Charmane Star, Taryn Thomas, Evan Stone, Randy Spears, Barrett Blade

Review by: Gram Ponante

The next time you come over, let's get loaded and really watch this movie. Gawker Media, Inc. only gives me a few paragraphs a day and it's not enough to describe this rollicking tour de force of a film. If only Sir John Gielgud had been in it, it would have been the Gielgud movie of the year.

Two guys meet in front of a house with tarps and implements of construction draped over it.

"Hey man, what's so interesting about this house?"
"Just wait, man; they haven't shown up yet."

Cut to Luvana, Moore, Star, and Thomas walking abreast in slow motion, laden down with tools and boobies.

"Whoa!"

If I were the type of person to snap you with a towel, I would say: "Bro, it doesn't get any better than this."

Luvana is a building contractor who is pressed for time. Her employees keep having sex on the job. They are concerned about her because "she really needs to get laid." In addition to Luvana's obvious frigidity, her client is pressuring her to finish the house in two weeks and the building inspector has a list of violations.

"You'd better fucking get this done," Luvana says to her employees, "and come up with a stragety."

The stragety involves shots of backhoes being operated on different days than the shots featuring the porn stars controlling them. There are also several scenes in which actors having a conversation were clearly not on set at the same time. Along with the most obvious instance of dubbing I have ever seen in a movie made in America, "The Contractor" is a national treasure.

The only thing that could possibly make this movie better would be if the cast was naked. And it is. The delightfully squishy cover girl Austyn Moore pairs up twice, once with the machine-crafted Luvana. Taryn Thomas enjoys a backhoe scene with the dubbed male talent, and Charmane Star services the nervous client, Randy Spears, who alternates with Evan Stone (also in the movie) as The Porn Actor Who Most Blatantly Loves His Job.

It is the studied opinion of this reviewer that what would in other films be blatant errors in lighting, sound, script, direction, and logistics only add to "The Contractor"'s value. Upon completing their job after a well-deserved sandpit hose fight (!), the girls settle their differences and are approached by a mysterious stranger to do a job for $10 million.

Is this a setup for "The Contractor 2"? That is where your narrow sensibilities would lead you, maybe, but repeated viewings really opened my eyes. Dakota is a trickster, so I wouldn't be surprised if he upends our unenlightened sensibilities and this cast never works together again.

One thing is certain: Masons are hottt.

· Adam & Eve (adameve.com)

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Previously: Porn Valley Dispatch Archive