Best of Sex Advice

Are sex advice columnists born with a genetic predisposition to know more about sex than the rest of us? Or should one only trust trained professionals with years of clinical experience when it comes to such things? We're not sure where we stand on the nature vs. nurture debate here, but as far as we're concerned what ultimately makes someone qualified to dispense sex advice on the interwebnet is the reliability of their internet connection ... though when certain high-ranking officials from the Bush administration start dishing it out, that's where we start drawing the line.

Follow along with this week's pearls of wisdom after the jump.
-A. Tolesco

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Scarleteen.com, Infection Section:

I was told that swallowing the male's ejaculation (cum) will increase the breast size of women. This came from my European friends, many years ago. What is your opinion?

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Hoffmania.com, Press Secretary, Tony Snow:

"If you want to make sense of real sex, you have to think about people's feelings, including the unexpressed and ineffable emotions that often give rise to sex. You need to admit that sex produces bewilderment, wonderment, fascination, confusion, elation, depression - virtually every imaginable emotion. Most of all, you need to screw up the courage to talk about love, if only to expose how shallow, pitiful, vicious and desperate loveless sex can be."

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Salon.com, Sex Advice From Guitar Gods (CC DeVille):

For me, making love is better. I get more out of it. Something could be said for just plain fucking the person you love. Sometimes if I'm in a lovely-dovey mood, before you know it my girlfriend is putting my face in the toilet and saying, "Get out of the freaking mood, man! I want to fuck like a pig now! Put on your rubber dress again!" "Yes, mom." If you're with the person you love, it's all good...

If you're going to base a relationship on sex, there's no substance there. The thing is, I'm learning too, so I don't want you to think that I'm coming from this grand wisdom. These are just things that I'm actually thinking about because I'm sober. As opposed to, "Oh no, I stink 'cause I'm fucking high and it didn't occur to me to shower, but it's okay because Jim Morrison stunk. Now suck my dick." That's kind of gross. A lot of this rock star shit is just an excuse to be a pig. The only reason I know that is because I did it.

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GoAskAlice.com, Dear Alice:

On "big nights out" (about once a month) friends of mine "plug" ecstasy tablets - by which I mean they each stick one up their butt instead of swallowing. They claim that is a "safer" way to ingest E because it bypasses the liver and goes right into the bloodstream. They also claim the effects are heightened.

I have been tempted to try this method as they swear by it, but thought I'd get your opinion first - are there any potential side effects to plugging? Is it really a "safer" way to use E?

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iafrica.com, Love & Sex:

I have just entered into a sexual relationship and am not sure how much movement an erect penis should have.

I have seen in movies that some guys can point their erect penis down towards their knees.

If I try to do this, it feels like I am about to break something. Even trying to move my erect penis to be parallel to the ground hurts. Is this normal?

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The Sex Project, Sex Questions:

this is the only sensation i feel from my clit, we have tried all sorts of ways at stimulation but so far getting rid of this pain is immpossible for me, has anyone any suggestions as to why i feel this and what the hell to do, obvously i have never had an orgasm because of it. its been this way for as long as i can remember and im now 41

any suggestion of how to get rid of this would be helpful, was thinking of using babies teething gel as this would be safe and taste ok for him if he goes down on me, what do you think?

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About.com, Sex Advice:

Hi, Im in serious need of sex tips. Im an attractive girl but no matter what i do i cant seem to make a guy climax during sex. Ive had sex multiple times with 4 different guys and every single time he ends up either slipping out of me, or just thrusting away getting more and more frustrated while i get tired and sore (despite trying different positions). This is really embarassing for me, particularly as it happens everytime. i have no trouble having orgasms. I cant seem to find any advice anywhere because its always women who cant climax, not men!

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Literotica.com, Ask Aspasia:

I've been married since 2000. This is my 3rd marriage. My wife is a beautiful and very sexy Russian woman. My step-daughter (her daughter from a previous marriage) was 14 when I married her mother. Now she is 20. She has grown up to be a beautiful, gorgeous and sexy woman with eyes and a body that can kill. I am 51 now, attractive, sociable, fun to be with, personable, charming, very friendly, good personality, and still sexually on overdrive. I've got no problem picking up pretty women at all. I've fallen in love with her ever since I met her in Moscow but our relationship had relatively been cold and dry. She never accepted me as her father. We talked about it few times and she never will accept me as her father. I've asked her if she wants me to be her lover, or her boyfriend, or just a friend but she never responds back, as if I'm insignificant in her life.

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Youth Embassy, Ask a question:

The last time I came to you about a problem in school. It was that I was talking about someone and they found out. then they wanted to fight me. You told me what to say to the person. it worked!!! Now she doesn't want to fight me anymore. I know her password for AOL and sometimes I check her mail. One day I was checking her mail and I sent her mail to me. I misspelled my email address and later someone sent mail to her saying that the mail did not go thru. she read it. now she thinks this other girl is reading her mail. She told the girl that she knew the girl was reading her mail. She also told the girl that I had apologized to her. She emailed the girl and told the girl that she wasn't talking to me cause like the Haitian says "I have a nose, you don't." Can you please tell me what that means?

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Maximum Awesome, Dr. Frank:

I have been dating a girl for a few months now, and everything is going pretty well. She is smart, attractive and well-mannered. I really enjoy her and her company. Our sex life is fine except for one small thing; during penetration, she breaks wind.

At first we both laughed about it and she said it happens sometimes during her 'release.' Except, I've noticed it happens EVERY time we have sex...and now it's a point of distraction. We don't really talk about it anymore--and I'm starting to dread intercourse, becoming angry or disconcerted when the farting begins. Can this be prevented? Is it something she is eating? How do I approach this subject with her? This is a relationship I would be willing to save.

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healthykids.com, Pregnancy Sex Concerns:

I love my husband, but now that I'm pregnant, I'm having lots of erotic dreams, and some have nothing to do with him! The dreams that bother me the most are the ones where I'm having sex with women. I know I'm not gay, so what could these dreams mean?

and

Now that I'm pregnant, I'm having such intense sexual dreams that I even orgasm in my sleep! In makes me feel like some sort of pervert. What is happening to my mind?

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Muslim Wake Up!, Relationships & Sexuality:

I don't even want to be an imam, so my nearly monastic lifestyle is a bit much. How can a cute, fun, smart Muslim rebel find someone without putting my standards six feet under?

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Kosher Sex, Ask The Experts:

Masturbation is not bad when you are single and you shouldn't feel guilty about it since it is completely natural.

About having relations there is a loophole if you have relations with a non-committed woman who can not bear children.

In any case, remember that the most important thing in religion are your deeds, what you do for others and how you help this world become a better place for each one and for all.
Check with your Rabbi about this loophole which is even used from time to time by married Hassidim in difficult situations.

If possible, let us know what his reply is.

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LoveFruit, Q&A:

Let me start off by offering a scripture I find to be quite powerful in terms of the marital bed, so to speak.

Hebrews 13:4 (NKJV) states that: "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge."

In other words.. those who engage in the sexual union outside of marriage are of course in the wrong; and will be judged accordingly. However to those who are married there is no abomination. The marital bed is "undefiled" in that there is nothing sinful in the sexual acts that you perform with your spouse.

If the act brings pleasure to you both.. then it is part of the blessing of sex which has been bestowed upon you; and therefore is not "taboo" or "uncle

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