Marital Aid Test Kitchen: 5-in-1 Finger Vibes

The verb "to fingerbang" has always been distasteful to me, as I am a prude from the 18th century and also because I didn't enjoy my junior high school experience (more the latter, realistically) where such terms were prevalent.

It was with trepidation, then, that I accepted my latest review assignment, a series of vibrator attachments one affixes to a finger-mounted engine and then hopes for the best. Our review of the 5-in-1 Finger Vibe (with Penetrating Loving Sleeve!) after the gap.
- G. Ponante

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At first I thought this device would work like the finger puppets I normally use on my subjects: one Penetrating Loving Sleeve per finger. Together they would work like the number pad on my keyboard. Sum total? Squirting!

Instead, one powers up the little vibrator and then chooses one of four 1.5" attachments; one that looks like a chess pawn, one that looks like a combination of a rabbit and Satan, one that looks like a penis head with ringworm mounted on a barber pole, and one that looks like an ordinary pink crowbar you'd put in someone's vagina.

Each attachment fit so snugly on the vibrator, which contained the toggle button to change up to five speeds, that it was difficult to take them off again. What should have been an opportunity for joy ("Put the rabbit/Satan combo in my grotto!") became a chore, so that I and Miss X just went commando with the unadorned base unit.

Presentationally speaking, this is an impressive marital aid. Imagine the swoons that will greet you when you unveil each attachment as the base unit thrums contentedly in a tasteful pewter bowl on your kitchen island. Practically, however, the product tries too hard, and requires some effort.

If one is willing to make the effort with one's bare hands, one doesn't need a toy.

· 5x Finger Vibe with Sleeves (adameve.com)

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Previously in the MATK: Pleasure Pearl Masturbator, Rabbit Rider, The G-Spot Hot Handle, Heavy Love Balls, Pink Indulgence Massage Wand, Porn Valley Dispatch Archive