DVD Review: “Dirt Pipe Milkshakes 2”

I thought it was very funny when pal and wardrobe advisor (The Real) Violet Blue™, in response to my question "What did you have for breakfast?" said, "Dirt Pipe Milkshake #27".

"All that and a sense of humor, too?" I marvelled.

Imagine my surprise when a box arrived with tonight's review material. Turns out Miss Violet was only taking part in the noble tradition of adding fictitious sequels to porn titles. Read our review after the gap.
- G. Ponante

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Dirt Pipe Milkshakes 2

Studio: Platinum X
Director: Jake Malone
Cast: Sasha Knox, Jamie Elle, Kaci Starr, Chelsea Rae, Cherry Rose

Review by G. Ponante

Just the idea of a dirt pipe milkshake, even if one doesn't know what such a thing is or entails, conjures some florid pictures.

First, some terminology that leads the scholar up to this extreme sex act:

· FIP (Fake Internal Popshot). In cable movies, when ejaculate cannot be shown, this is what the guys "work up" to. Believe it or not, there are some parts of the world where the sex act concludes internally, rather than all over someone's face, hair, chest, or bone china.

· Creampie. This is for romantic pragmatists who believe that sperm belongs in the vaginal area but who also think that the viewer should see it. Thus the creampie, usually the result of a gangbang, is when we see the reults of the ejaculate left behind as its more ambitious counterparts travel up the birth canal to seek and fertilize eggs.

So the dirtpipe milkshake is an anal creampie with a twist: the talent eats it afterward.

Sasha Knox begins the festivities. She speaks to director Malone, who is also filming and is offscreen. Like other movies of this type, it is often difficult to hear Malone, and we're so busy looking at the statuesque Knox that the voice is a distraction.

Now when I say that Knox is fucked every which way, just believe me. She is beset upon by two dudes, John Strong and Michael Stefano, who either take turns or just doubly penetrate her in a series of different positions, one of which involves Knox being sandwiched between the two standing men.

When each deposits his seed in her rectum (this is known as an ass baby), she squirts it out and licks it off a mirror. Her makeup barely runs.

Now I'm all about efficiency. I would have just shot it on the mirror. But whatever.

Next up is Jamie Elle. While she only has to deal with one person (Stefano again), she is bent this way and that, and has slightly less cushioning than Knox. The true Cirque de Soleil moment is when she sits on her neck with helicoptering legs and Stefano squats over her to deliver a pile driver.

Cherry Rose begins the next scene with submissive biker-about-town Larry. "You piece of shit," she says repeatedly, spitting at him and pinching his nipples. "I won't let you watch me fuck." She walks back upstairs and is made to crawl across the floor for another man. They so stole this from "Coriolanus".

Rose keeps her leather jacket on for a large part of the scene. She is a tough girl, you see, and we are made to believe she's got it coming. She is double-teamed in the bedroom at the end of the upstairs hallway. Since no mirror is handy, she eats off a standard plate.

Kaci Starr is bound and gagged, masturbating with a free hand on the patio of a house overlooking the San Fernando Valley. "Are you a whore?" asks director Malone. "Mmmph," she says, obviously.

"Turn around and yell to the world that you're a whore," he says.

"Mmmph mm mmph!" she yells dutifully.

Finally, he takes her gag off.

"I'm a whore!"

She is brought inside and fucked on a hardwood floor. The variation in this scene is that her partner comes in a funnel that is placed in her ass.

Finally, bespectacled Chelsea Rae ("She looks like a Vogue model ... fucking herself in the butt," Malone says) is joined by Manuel Ferrara in the title's least wacky, most accessible scene. Don't get me wrong - she still squirts come out of her ass and eats it; there's just no spitting.

· Platinum X (clubplatinumx.com)
· Order: "Dirt Pipe Milkshakes 2" (Adult DVD Empire)