Best of Sex Advice

Maybe it's the waning days of summer that makes folks especially stupid about love. Whatever it is, we can't help celebrating sexual confusion in all its various permutations—it keeps the sexperts (an especially needy bunch themselves) well fed ... and self-deluding all-knowing smut hounds like us feeling smug. So, let's keep the good times rolling with some of the best (or at least most entertaining) sex advice from the experts. It all goes down after the jump.

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MissAbigail.com, Time Warp Advice:

Sometimes despite a carefully selected locale and well-executed evasions, you somehow find yourself encircled, and your only out is a direct verbal rejection.

A light touch is the prime requisite. It is ridiculous to get annoyed with men for trying. If you object to their vulgar advances, you had best stop associating with them. Maintain a sense of balance. Realize Man is your adversary, and that you must fight him, but realize it with a catch in your breath and a little thrill of anticipation, not with anger or resentment.

A man will be much less hurt if he is teased or gently discouraged from carrying out his dishonorable intentions, than he will if you sulk, struggle, or lose your temper. . . .

Sprinkle the combat with small favors and soft words. This will lessen the bitterness of the struggle and charm your foe into liking you regardless of who the victor may be. Above all, never let him become depressed. Do not let him see you distrust him. Keep smiling. Smile with your eyes, or dimple at him if you have dimples, or chuckle or giggle - and once in a while you may laugh outright ~ especially if you have pretty teeth, or if someone is tickling you ~ which someone may very well be doing. But be extremely careful that your gaiety is the right sort. He must never suspect you are laughing at him, even when he is making a fool of himself...

Any tyro can bluntly reject a man and thereby lose him. It takes study and practice to acquire the agility to send him away happy though rejected. An accomplished girl can do this. She can hold him off, yet bring him back for another try. And bringing him back is essential. For unless a man is a complete boor (and sometimes, alas, even if he is) you will want to hold on to him for purposes of entertainment or advancement, or as a marital prospect. When you can, without offending, deny him the pleasures he so understandably desires, you will know you have mastered the delicate technique of passive resistance.

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Ignore Magazine.com, The Birds and the D:

This SHORTY is a hoe-times-fo'. I love her though, giving me the RUN AROUND. Bitch stole my HALF of TREES. I told her give me brains, we cool, slut. She ain't do it. I'ma kill her fo' real. If AVENUE D - LOVELY LADIES yall seem - was in my position - KILL A BITCH? IF THIS WAS A DUDE, KILL A BITCH, RIGHT? DON'T TRIP..

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Puckerup.com, Open Up:

Anybody else like the cool minty-fresh feel of toothpaste on the butthole?.

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CollegeSexAdvice.com, Dear RSA:

My roommate is jacking off all the time and it's driving me nuts. To make it worse, he leaves his cum-filled tissues and socks all over the floor by his bed. Last week, not realizing what it was, I picked up one of his kleenexes and threw it away. After I realized what I had touched, I scrubbed my hands for hours. Is it possible I can catch anything from his jizz rags?.

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AskMen.com, Bedroom Advice:

I am an 18-year-old male and have recently become sexually active. I have a fear of coming during oral sex. I don't feel comfortable ejaculating in my lover's mouth, which leads to a loss of erection and a temporary ability to become sexually aroused. Is this normal? What can I do?.

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AskMen.com, Bedroom Advice:

My brother's wife is pregnant, but she still wants to use a condom. She is pregnant with one child -- not twins, but she said if he ejaculates inside her while she is pregnant it may cause her to have twins. Is this true?.

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Esquire.com, Sex:

Is there any way to gauge the size or color of a woman's nipples by looking at another body part? I really like large, dark nipples, but I can't ask every woman I meet what hers look like..

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AskHeartBeat.com, Dear Ms. HeartBeat.com:

My question is that should I ask her out, get intimate, tell her my feelings? Or should I just remain good friends with her? (then I worry that she will have a boyfriend). I want to know if it's more beneficial in terms of eventually marriage to go out with her more than once (several times in high school and 1st/2nd year college) or should I ONLY go out with her once for a LONG time (2+ years before marriage happens) in our 3rd- 4rth year college? Is it more beneficial, no difference, or would it hinder, to go out with her and break up several times for making a more serious commitment? I can move closer to her for my last year of high school if need be..

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MaximOnline.com, Ask Heidi Fleiss:

I was king of the world when I lived in New York, but now that I'm in L.A. I can barely get laid. Do you think girls are easier in different parts of the country?.

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AllSexAdvice.com, Orgasm Oddities:

im 19 and have sex 1-2 times every day, the last week or so i get bad ringing in my ears for like 5 min after i cum.. its not going away, im still hoping it will. has anyone ever heard of this? i dont have any hearing problems, im a healthy dude. is it something to go to the docter for, it doesnt hurt or anything..

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Previously: Best of Sex Advice Archive