Marital Aid Test Kitchen: Stealth Vibrators

After my adventures with the noisy and space-consuming indiscretions of the Fucking Love Machine last week, I decided to swing to the the other end of the spectrum and get all secret agent masturbator on you. The Lipstick Vibe and the Vibra Phone are just the ticket to stealthy wanking, though the fact remains that no matter what your tools look like, putting a buzzing item between your legs and getting all squirmy is kind of a dead giveaway.

Read more about why there's no excuse anymore for not taking it with you after the jump.

It's toys like these that can get you through those moments when you want to be masturbating and can't swing carrying a cock-shaped apparatus around with you but can manage lipstick and a cell phone: cab rides, bar mitzvahs, meetings where you can hide what your hands are doing and any trip to the powder room. For those who are concerned with such things, these toys are in essence a million times more ladylike than straddling a machine that plugs into the wall and has a piston inside it. They do encourage the unladylike tendency to mastubrate anywhere and anytime, but "Woman caught in the mall rubbing her bits with faux cell phone" is a headline we'd like to feature more often in Morning Wood, so have at it.

Buzzing bags are a bad thing in the Age of Terror, as we all know, and nothing is worse than being assumed to be a horny terrorist. Which is why the best thing about both of these toys, other than that whole disguise thing, is that they are built in such a way that its difficult to accidentally turn them on when they are sloshing around in your secret agent purse. Having experienced the joy of "oh my god my vibrator turned itself on in my bag" thing, I can say that this is a flatout genius part of each toy's design, and it moves them solidly from gag gift to stealth item on hand at all times.
- AR

· Vibrating Lipstick and Vibra Phone (erosboutique.org)

Previously: Marital Aid Test Kitchen Archive