Marital Aid Test Kitchen: Ultimate Personal Shaver

Have no fear: there is nothing ultimate (e.g. prematurely bringing about the doom that awaits us all) about Adam & Eve's Ultimate Personal Shaver. It is, instead, a safe and relatively trauma-free means of laying bare some of our most shameful, hair-bestrewn places.

Join us for a thoughtful study of our second pubic-hair related personal grooming device today after the gap. - GP

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In my business (vandalizing pyramids, but also porn) I see a lot of shaved pubic areas. Constant skin-to-skin abrasion and buffeting of those areas in the course of shooting porn scenes makes them ruddy like the pieces of meat they are. That is why those attempting their first genital shave should not be horrified that what emerges from the hair looks like a litter of blind puppies.

The Ultimate Personal Shaver contains a tin of talc just like at your granddad's barbershop. But don't let the conceit go too far by sploshing some Vitalis on your parts, because then you'll be writhing on the floor like a lame act at the Friar's Club.

The three-tiered approach involves throwing on some talc, getting rid of the more blatant hairs with the main shaver, brushing on more talc, and then finishing off the smaller hairs. The result is very smooth. This really is shaving like a porn star. All you need is chlamydia!

An added feature (and the press material is very excited about this) are the one-use only stencils included in the package. We felt these were a little corny and just broke out the Lite Brite and Spirograph instead. And there were no available stencils for the Westside Crips, with whom I roll, so that was disappointing.

· Ultimate Personal Shaver (adameve.com)

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Previously: Marital Aid Test Kitchen Archive