DVD Review: “Jesse Jane: Image”

If life has taught us anything, it is that Jesse Jane, like a shaved, 3-in-1 ZZ Top, can appear to right wrongs and fight crimes. Such is her role in "Image", a must-have for fans of the Oklahoma Sex Wraith.

Join Jesse Jane as she makes a Very Special Appearance in the lives of solace-seeking porn stars after the gap. - GP

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Jesse Jane: Image

Studio: Digital Playground
Director: Robby D.
Cast: Jesse Jane, Alektra Blue, Daisy Marie, Isabella Dior

Review by Gram Ponante

Such is Jane's celebrity that director Robby D. has crafted most of the movie around how others see her. The first scene takes place in either the personal screening room of a Porn Valley mogul or one of the dozen or so postage stamp cinemas in Copley Square, Boston.

Rick Patrick (Jane's husband in real life) is watching a film of Jane giving the business to a fey Eurostud in the empty theatre. He has popcorn and a soft drink. He is absently fiddling around in his jeans when Lo! Jane appears and spills popcorn on him. In her zeal to clean up the mess, she fucks the living shit out of him.

It is actually a sweet scene. Patrick is about nine feet tall but has an aw shucks expression throughout the interlude, as if he can't believe he is having sex with Jesse Jane. I feel he wasn't acting.

The next scene finds Marco Banderas and Daisy Marie coupling in what appears to be Willy Wonka's glass elevator retrofitted as a wine cellar. Perched on the glass ceiling is Jane, who, though the pair don't really need it, helps the couple along from above.

While it is always a pleasure to see Daisy, I found myself wondering what kind of person tells his or her architect, "I want a glass-ceilinged wine cellar that I can see from my kitchen". The effect of the scene was like watching "Good Morning America" but with people having sex behind the window rather than holding up signs reminding the nation that the Society for the Preservation and Encouragement of Barbershop Quartet Singing in America is headquartered in Kenosha, WI.

Jane suffers from gym rage in her next encounter, a girl-on-girl affair with Alektra Blue. The two are working out and Jane quickly becomes jealous of Blue's brute strength, so decides to do something about it. Blue has had some work done since the first time I saw her, but though just a little more curvy, she appears downright voluptuous compared to Jane. The bottom line is that it seemed unrealistic that Jane could take Blue in a fight, but it was a tasty scene nonetheless. Kudos to wardrobe mistress Celeste (also a Digital Playground director), who got Blue up in a green gym ensemble, complete with green-striped kneesox and a cameltoe.

Jane appears in Isabella Dior's mirror in the penultimate scene, giving the doe-like pornstress the motivation to bust a move on Scott Nails, who reappears to fuck Jesse out of her perch in the closet in the movie's final match-up.

"You're not going to work before you fuck me," says Jane in a perfect Valentine's Day message.

I like this "image" of Jane, silly and confident simultaneously, and the hyper-real settings are just loopy enough without being too much of a distraction. What is a slight distraction is Jane's weight. Since Jane mentioned it herself when we talked at this year's AVN Expo, I don't feel bad observing there will be more to love if she puts on a few pounds. What makes Jane the celebrity she is is her accessibility; if she goes Hollywood and strives for wafer-thinness she will cease to be real.

· Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
· Buy "Jesse Jane: Image" (gamelink.com)