Marital Aid Test Kitchen: FizzTM Soda-Flavored Lubricant

In days of eld, like when Evangeline catted around the forest primeval, no one needed flavored lubricant. At Bogue Chitto State Normal School, there was no taste south of the Xiphoid Process that couldn't be suppressed with a little PBR and a shout of "Go Team!"

But times are changed in Acadie and elsewhere, and that's why we tried out several flavors of Fizz^TM Soda-Flavored Lubricant. We'll give you the first impression for free: Don't Chug It. For the rest, join us after the gap. - GP

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Since the Fleshbot editorial staff's average age is a senescent 23, there is nothing we haven't attempted. As a rule, then, the idea of masking the flavor of something - aside from cleaning it beforehand, for Christ's sake - is not something we might immediately think of. But just as some people remember the days of coding HTML by hand or making a package of Ramen Noodles by scratch, peeling them directly from the Ramen animal and casting them into cellophane, and who look at GUIs with disdain or horror, so have we learned that Fizz^TM Soda-Flavored Lubricant and its ilk might become the new way of eating someone out^TM.

Several flavors, including Cola, Cherry Cola, Lime, Rootbeer (our favorite) and Orange, were tested, both on and off the skin. None of our subjects experienced any irritation.

It was pointed out, however, that one would not make an unpleasant experience less unpleasant by dolloping flavored lube on it. To wit: if rimming someone is not your thing, no amount of Rootbeer lube will make it so.

That said, these lubes work like any water and glycerin-based lube, except they also have a fountain drink syrup flavor, so it's like eating your crew chief out on the floor of Burger King (our town's Burger King actively promoted women and those with alternative lifestyles).

We were lucky to get a full set of these marital aids for free, but each is priced reasonably at about $9 for a five-ounce bottle.

· Buy "Fizz" (premieradultfactory.com)
· Topco (topcosales.us)

Previously: Porn Valley Dispatch Archive