Building The Perfect Page 3 Girl

The hot topless babes who appear on Page 3 of The Sun are legendary, but picking the right girl to decorate all those tabloid inches every day is not as easy at it seems. In fact, it's a highly technical operation based on a rigorous scientific process that few people outside of the applied mathematics department at Cambridge University will ever truly understand. However, thanks to the rocket scientists in charge of all that breastage, for the first time ever we can now reveal the complicated equation that explains what separates the Page 3 idols from the mere mortals on every other sheet of the tabloid.

The formula: S = 0.4c

Hd (1 - FL / FW)² + Bw²

BL (T + e 0.33a + WH). Here's how it works ...

As our purple friend helpfully points out, it's all about proportion. The length (FL) and width (FW) of the face, combined with the size of the forehead (Hd), together with the relationship of boob width (BW) to boob length (BL), with nipple size (a) and waist (W) to hip (H) ratio rounding out the variables that combine to form the ideal pinup babe. Factor all that together and what does it mean? It means that Keeley Hazell has some phenomenal tits. But we guess you already knew that, didn't you?

· "Keeley's perfect phwoarmula" (thesun.co.uk)

· Page 3 Girls (page3.com)

Previously: This Week In Lad Mags: As Real As It Gets, Britain's Best Boobs: Move Over, Keeley!, Meet Sam Cooke: Page 3 Idol, Totty Tributes, Page 3 Propaganda, Page 3 Girls