Marital Aid Test Kitchen: Grrltoyz’ Platinum Fusion 1

In recent weeks we have featured a product or two that might appeal to a marital aid consumer's sense of discretion. But some people say, "Fuck discretion. Fuck discretion in its ass. What has discretion ever done for me? Am I not growing older?" For those people we are proud to bring you this week's utterly indiscreet product. The only thing Grrltoyz' Platinum Fusion 1 doesn't do is light up with a "Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas" sign.

Read our review after the gap.

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The length of this device is seven inches and, as the packaging tells us, the shaft thickness is "just right" and will "ensure fulfillment of every fantasy." Really? World peace? That's a fantasy I have. But then I'm not a grrl.

Our test subject commented that, if only the rippling, undulating beads in the head of this fantastic vibrator were to light up, the Fusion 1 would look like the Stratosphere Hotel and Casino.

"Quit flapping your gums and put it in you," I suggested.

What this device lacks in humility it more than makes up for in doodads. Not only does it have the vibrating beads at the tip, but there are also nubs along the shaft that move independently of each other. In addition, a little egg attached to a three-foot cord can help out the other members of the bachelorette party, provided they bring enough "AA" batteries (the Fusion takes four).

And it's pink. Now all you need is the King Kong Dildo and you can have "Miami Vice" night.

As you can see, even the included bag does little to conceal the fact that there's a cock in there.

I asked our test subject if the device "worked".

"Yes," she said. "Twice. But I'm not taking it on the bus again."

· GrrlToyz (grrltoyz.com)
· Topco Sales (topcosales.us)
· Buy the Fusion 1 (edenfantasys.com)

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Previously: Marital Aid Test Kitchen Archive