This Week In Bad Press Releases

Porn publicists serve the need of an ever-increasing talent pool in a market littered with niches and sub-niches, and many of them are just bad, bad, bad, seeming to place too much faith in the antiquated notion that porn sells itself. But just because you dropped out of high school to devote your next few years to being a bukkake surface doesn't mean your publicist shouldn't be able to spell, either. After the gap, then, our first of what we know will be many Worst Press Releases of the Week.

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We debated about how we should frame this feature. Should we take names and URLs out? In this case, since pruning those things from the press release would be too much goddamn work and because, we reasoned, the client should not suffer double jeopardy by losing both precious Internet traffic and also money by not having his gibbon write his press releases, we decided to present the work in its entirety.

Hot Girls and Kung Fu!

Just when you thought you've seen it all, along comes Hot Girls and Kung Fu in a website called Girls Gone Climbing (www.GirlsGoneClimbing.com). The newest site from webmaster Johnny Martinez, combines both martial arts clips and sexy female photos along with games, videos, cartoons and much more.

With thousands of photos of sexy women both uploaded from Johnny and his visitors, their are not enough hours in the day to go through the ever increasing gallery. To top it all off if you need a break from that you can take a look at some of the greatest martial arts scenes ever made!

"I combined two things that I enjoy and it appears that lot's of other surfers do too! Last week Girls Gone Climbing.com was even discussed on Sirius Satellite Radio by Jason Ellis on the Faction channel! Well not so much discussed, it was more like: 'Oh my God! Oh my God!' Then a lot of expletives and sexual innuendos haha" said Johnny via a conference call. "It started out as a hobby and now the website is taking off quicker then I ever imagined. It's taken on a life of its own and I add new items everyday."

"Some days I add pictures of hot girls, funny videos, entertaining online games or a combo of them all. I've even started a weird photos area called 'WTF Is That?' which is becoming very popular because every photo makes you think: What the F Is That??! It's become a really fun site that people love and they keep coming back because they find new stuff every day to make them laugh or forget about the stress in life!"

When asked how the name Girls Gone Climbing actually started and what it has to do with rating photos of women, his answer was one of the funniest and strangest we have ever heard.

"A year ago I partnered with a friend on my first social networking website called InnerDrama.com. It's like MySpace.com but for fans of celebrity news and gossip but he flaked out. A little bit later he wanted to do a social network for rock climbing fans...then he decided a rock climbing site for girls. It was a flop and he flaked a second time but I kept the domain. Months later I was using it as a test site for some photo rating software but people liked it and I took it from there. So now "Girls Gone Climbing" literally means "girls trying to climb to the top of the ratings with their photos." The site I was preparing for was a photo rating site for ugly women but I haven't gotten back to it yet. When I do, you're welcome to submit your mom's photo!" said Johnny.

May God have mercy on your soul.

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Previously: Movies We Know Will Suck Dept.: "Lindsay HoHand"