DVD Review: “Hookin’ Up”

"Hookin' Up", directed by New York's Porno Jim, is like a love letter to the delightful Page Morgan. And why not? We need to write more letters.

Read our review after the gap.

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Hookin' Up

Studio: Silver Age Productions

Director: Porno Jim

Cast: Page Morgan, Riley Mason, Simone Valentino, Brina James, Tommy Pistol, Zak Sabbath, Kenny

Review by Gram Ponante

Page, playing Shiloh (each character in the movie is named after a different celebrity kid; there's Frances Bean, Kal El, Audio Science Jones and, of course, Apple) is off to a club to celebrate her 21st birthday. Boyfriend Audio Science Jones (Zak Sabbath) is off to Idaho to fight fires ("Audio Science Jones is a man of his word," he explains) and can't join her, so pal Apple (Riley Mason), is going to get her a boy toy for her party.

The party takes place at a Brooklyn club (entertainment provided by the excellent Project Jenny Project Jan) and we watch the throng pair off amidst the birthday festivities. First Apple hooks up with Frances Bean ("The Bi Apple"'s Simone Valentino) and then Tallulah (Brina Jones) hooks up with Magnus (Kenny).

It is a pleasure to see New York clubs and ratty apartments again, and especially pornic versions of them. We are not led astray with unrealistic situations save for, say, the length of the hookups. Hookups are all about getting someone's pants off as fast as you can. Maybe the cab ride cooled their ardor enough to guarantee a porn-scene-length hookup.

The greatest verisimilitude is achieved in the Tallulah/Magnus scene. He is a little creepy and perhaps she regrets the hookup halfway through. I spotted this because she didn't swallow. As he strokes her hair afterward and says what a "pleasurable" time he had with her, he asks for her phone number.

She says, "That's not a good idea," and leaves, probably thinking that he'd just bought that copy of "Global Reach" to impress the ladies with his multinational douchebaggery.

Another characteristic of the two hookups we've seen is that one partner always has to jet off someplace. This porn movie is more like a documentary.

Apple picks Kal El (Tommy Pistol) for Shiloh, and the three of them head back to Shiloh's apartment overlooking the Brooklyn Bridge with the trains running loudly nearby. "Hookin' Up" was probably not what Washington Roebling had in mind when he built that bridge, but he certainly would have liked to sink a caisson into Morgan and Mason. I'm just saying.

Morgan and Pistol are charming, and Mason is juicy. In a bonus scene, Pistol and Morgan fuck in a dingy elevator lobby, ready to be discovered, her party makeup running, the picture Norman Rockwell never painted.

"Hookin' Up" is a sexy, fun movie, believable as a snapshot of random trysts in 2006. What doesn;t work is the lighting, which is poor, and the fact that Audio Science is off fighting fires in December. I think he's lying. In fact, I don't think his name is really Audio Science.

· Buy "Hookin' Up" (hookinupthemovie.com)