When Will Dane Feel the Pain?

Yes, we have a foolproof system that let's us judge the trajectory an amateur porn star will take from doing a solo j/o video to being the biggest bottom in Open Hole Village. This week, we use our patented ranking system on Dane, the new long-haired hottie on ChaosMen that has us sprouting wood. You can find out when Dane books his passage on the Getting Plowed Express (along with a bonus picture) after the jump.

. . .

Visible tan lines: +20
Obviously from board shorts, not Speedos: -50

Shows butt off for the camera: +10
Doesn't spread cheeks or finger hole: -8

Looks like a Jonas brother: +100
Now will never get a Disney sitcom: -10

Is a soccer player: +5
Does not play with his balls: -5

Shoots clear across the room: +3
Does it while watching hetero porn: -50

The folks at ChaosMen warn he probably won't be back: +75
Why would they lie?: -3

Verdict: Give it a month. Once he has to compete with a new Miley Cyrus album, his legs will be up in the air in no time.

· Dane @ ChaosMen (chaosmen.com)