No Way, Kid, You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out

If they made a modern equivalent of "A Christmas Story," little Ralphie would be asking for a webcam instead of a bb gun, and everyone would say no to keep him from posting dirty videos.

That's not what seems to have happened here with JaseParker, who must have been so excited to unwrap his new technology that he ran right upstairs and rubbed one out before he could even get out of his dress-up Christmas outfit. We can just imagine all of the family downstairs sitting around the tree while this adorable hipster is up in his room playing with his "toys." He also got something that the rest of us asked for this Christmas and didn't get: the ability to lick our own penises. Yeah, we definitely would shoot our eyes out then.

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· Bored During Xmas Break (xtube.com)