Best Of Sex Advice: What Are You Full Of?

It's a well-established fact that everyone on the internet is lying about something. It's just usually not about what you think it is. That awesome pseudonym may just be the writer's actual name, but when some dude swears up and down that they totally aren't gay, you can bet your bottom dollar that they've probably been a bottom before. In this installment of Best of Sex Advice, we have the usual assortment of sex toy dilemmas, ball fetishists, oversized vaginas, and moms who have a little too much in common with their sons, but we also have one sex columnist who will teach you how to separate the bullshit artists from the legitimate freaks. (Plus, at least one reader who thinks the advice giver might be the one who's fooling everybody.) See if you can guess which question is completely made up—of course, we're not discounting the possibility that it's all of them.

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· Talk Sex with Sue Johanson (talksexwithsue.com)

My vagina gets so wet and seems so big, that I can not feel my boyfriend inside of me sometimes ... Its like his penis is literally swimming in my vagina. And its not because he has a small penis. My boyfriend is very well endowed with length and width, were talking 10 -11 inches, and I still seem to swallow him. Why??

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· OpenUp: The PuckerUp Forums (puckerup.com)

I recently had a toy fall apart on me (not in me WINK) ... Am I expecting too much out the poor dildo or are they like tooth brushes- where you should plan on replacing it regularly.

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· Savage Love (thestranger.com)

I'm a straight, 22-year-old female. When I'm going down on my boyfriend, he demands that I pick his nose and feed his boogers to him. My boyfriend says this is no big deal; he says it's actually a very popular practice.

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· Ask Xandria (xandria.com)

I am 5.5" in length. I suggested that we get an 8" realistic dildo. She feels that most of them are too large. What is too large? Is there any size that most women can not accept? ... How would you suggest I convince her to get a larger than me dildo?

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· Dr. Dick's Sex Advice (drdicksexadvice.com)

I was wondering how do I make my scrotum more looser? I like to jack-off with them loose for some odd reason.

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· Bedroom Advice (askmen.com)

My wife suffers from extreme insomnia after we have sex. She usually cannot fall asleep for four to six hours. The situation does not change with or without her having an orgasm. Except that sometimes after an orgasm she sleeps for 30 minutes and then is awake for six hours. Any suggestions?

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· Sex Project (sex-project.com)

Me and my girlfriend are afraid that if she gives me blowjobs let's say every other day or so, that i'll become immune to it? Is that true?

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· Sex Doctor (sundaymirror.co.uk)

I have a teenage son and when tidying his room found his hidden pile of girlie magazines. I flicked through a few pages and to my surprise found myself getting very turned on.

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· In & Out (timeout.com/chicago)

What do you suggest for a good quickie?

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· Get Naked (timeout.com)

I think you are terrible at your job. I frequently find your advice to be judgmental, sex-negative, rooted in gender stereotypes, ignorant of the scope of relational practices in our culture and abhorrently narrow-minded... How did you get into this line of work and score a high-profile sex-advice column?

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Previously: Best of Sex Advice Archive