Sexy Etsy Post-Holiday Gift Guide Roundup

Handmade goods are hot; after all, when someone's good with their hands, they're ... well, good with their hands. And when you mix handmade goods with sex, consider us sold. Here's a look at some of the sexy (and sometimes strange) goods we've come across lately at Etsy.com, our favorite stop for all things artsy and craftsy. If Santa didn't bring you what you were hoping for this holiday, cheer yourself up by picking up a little something for yourself. Your own hands will thank you.

"Blue RIdge Biggy" Ceramic Dildo
With all the talk of phthalates and other scary chemicals oozing from certain rubber sex toys, we find ourselves longing for a simpler time: a time when sex toys were made of natural materials like wood, stone, and ceramic. Thanks to Tantric Clay, that time is now, with a big blue ceramic dildo that looks like it was dug up from an archeological site somewhere. Who needs a jelly rabbit-shaped thing anyway?

Naughty Letters Alphabet Book
Because really, you know you'd have learned to read way faster if the "G" in your alphabet book had been a guy giving himself head.

Psychedelic Personal Penis Pendant Necklace
We all like to keep the things we love the most close to our hearts on a sparkly chain—and if your nearest and dearest is a martian with genital warts (or maybe just a body paint aficionado), this psychedelic personal penis necklace should do you just fine.

Kink card
It can be hard to talk about sex. and even more so when your when your desires don't always fall under the vanilla category. But don't let your nerves get the best of you: if you can't say it in words, say it with a kinky card. It's just the thing when you care enough to send something that says "I want you to shove a ball gag in my mouth and make me your bitch."

Flash Your Peen Hoodie Charm
Got a secret exhibitionist streak? Flash the world vicariously through this little gold hoodie charm. But try to keep your peen in your pants when you're out in public ... unless, say, you're at a sex party or the Folsom Street Fair.