Marital Aid Test Kitchen: The Rascal Doubleteamer

Two and a third feet long and two and a quarter inches around lies the Rascal Video-branded Doubleteamer two-headed dildo. If this horrifies you, remember that you are only responsible to take half of it.

Read more after the gap.

We would be turning this five-year-old web enterprise into an awkwardly-coded php Fibfest if we said we actually found someone to test this thing. But rest assured we will spend the rest of our lives trying, and will provide you with pictures.

But for now let's imagine the possibilities of this device, which couldn't even fit in the cabinet that we lock our unmentionables in so that the cleaning staff won't know what we do for a living. You can use the Doubleteamer to:

• Stir large drinks
• Attach an Obama or McCain placard
• Mutually masturbate - with a vengeance - two girlfriends
• Use as a pestle in the world's sexiest pharmacy
• Sit next to you at Thanksgiving dinner to ensure an uninterrupted meal

While we are sure there are other, larger double dongs out there (they're called trees), none is so imperfectly frank as the black and white models of the Doubleteamer, nor are any as easily confused with an instrument of God's wrath. Put that in your vagina^TM.

· Rascal Doubleteamer (channel1releasing.com)
· Topco Sales (topcosales.us)