Belladonna Is Deep In The Parts Of Texas

"The only thing I've ever done is a blowjob," says Belladonna to ingenue Alexis Texas. "I have no idea what a fellatio is." The two then begin a voyage of discovery in the lighthearted yet filthy romp through her pneumatic byways in "Discovering Alexis Texas."

Forget for a moment that, if Belladonna had actually been your college roommate, you would have found some way to stay in school and not work in your family's quarry. Forget, too, that the idea of Belladonna trying to convince us that, just by putting her hair in pigtails she is a virgin, is absurd. Instead, try to imagine yourself as the amiable Daniel as Belladonna and Texas descend on you for your blowjob advice ("It's a process," he says).

Belladonna and Texas make a stackable IKEA-like structure of themselves within minutes, causing the viewer to wonder if they haven't, in fact, done this before.

Nina Hartley narrates much of this movie as an older Texas, much like Jeanne Moreau in "The Lover" but with fewer Chinese. Here we recollect Texas' taking by "two hot studs."

Then Bella and Alexis suit up to expose themselves piece by piece. I imagine this is how the Sleestaks will look in the "Land of the Lost" remake.

Steve Holmes, whom last we saw being happily smothered by two large ladies, is surprised at the Universal City Metro Station by an admirer. Excellent guerilla filmmaking here.

Finally, we meet Hartley as the grown-up Texas. "I love myself," she says, "and everybody better goddamn love me."

While we would let Belladonna (and Nina Hartley) get away with anything, seeing Hartley at the end calls into question the modern subway and the moon suits of previous scenes. What has happened to Time?

· Belladonna (enterbelladonna.com)
· Watch "Discovering Alexis Texas" now at AdultRental.com
· Buy "Discovering Alexis Texas" (gamelink.com)