Erotica L.A. On 300 Threads Or Less

Foot massagers! Motörhead shirts! Wearable bongs! If these don't say "erotic" to you, you probably still need porn stars for stimulation.

All right. Erotica L.A. had those, too, in its three-day consumer fleshly bazaar at the L.A. Convention Center. But for those of us with more refined libidos, there was also a booth selling Egyptian cotton sheets. And if you need to ask how those are erotic, you've never jerked off to Lemmy Kilmister.

But discount travel agencies and car detailing booths weren't all Erotica L.A. had to offer; there were also dozens of porn stars either signing at stripped-down booths (by comparison with the Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas in January) or roaming the aisles.

Those who say the porn business is dying need only have looked at the long lines stretching in front of a vaguely-military Belladonna to be assured that, no, only the DVD and massive booth-renting business is dying - porn is fine.

Capping Saturday's festivities was the third annual F.A.M.E. Awards, hosted by Jesse Jane and Randy Spears. The adorable Bree Olson won Best Rookie. Other people won other things, and we took their pictures, but we admit we didn't watch the ceremony. We were too busy trying to buy sheets.

· Erotica L.A. (erotica-la.com)